Anonymous wrote:OP, perhaps you are oversharing? Call me jaded but I almost never reveal personal and especially financial information in the private school arena. I am the former (long ago as a child) recipient of FA but now very significant donor from an earlier post. I have been a very significant donor and 80% was made anonymously. Just share less or prepare to face the consequences. Pro tip: everyone gossips about everything in the private school circuit. Wait until your kid applies to college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

It’s not about trying to hide the fact that we’re a financial aid family. It’s already apparent in subtle ways, and I’ve come to terms with that. What I wasn’t prepared for was the level of gossip, or how casually personal details I shared with a staff member would make their way to a donor parent. Or how something I mentioned to a so-called friend would end up with the school director... or again, a donor.

There seems to be a highly active and inappropriate information network within the community. The respect I extend to others has not been reciprocated, and that’s deeply disappointing.

As a result, I’m stepping back from the school community. If people want to talk, they will. I’m no longer interested in being part of a space where discretion, trust, and basic respect are so easily broken.

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

You sound super entitled. Given all the funding you benefit from, the least you could do is participate in a non-monetary way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that some major donors (and even certain faculty members) seem to know which families are receiving financial aid? This strikes me as highly inappropriate and potentially a violation of privacy regulations. At the very least, it feels ethically troubling.

It’s disheartening and frankly upsetting. This kind of breach creates a sense of exclusion and judgment that no family should have to endure. While we’re grateful that the school has been a positive environment for our child, this issue casts a long shadow. It raises real questions about whether this is the right community for our family because, frankly, it has become quite painful to stay and be around other families at this point.

I hope school administrators and staff in the private schools read this.

My experience the judgement is if you are a person of color they auto think that you are receiving , yes staff , teachers and faculty and parents are thinking like that . So the the parents who are donating to the school and volunteering are excluding those parents and students. Itis happening.

Anonymous wrote:I was a significant donor at a dc private and I can guarantee you most of the major donors don’t have a clue about who is receiving aid nor do they care as long as there is integrity/sound methodology to the process by which awards are made. This is in your head. I am troubled by your unwillingness to promote the school based on your (likely false) perception that everyone is focused on your status as a recipient. Get over yourself. I was a financial aid recipient 40 years ago and am incredibly grateful for that. I can now pay it forward.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that some major donors (and even certain faculty members) seem to know which families are receiving financial aid? This strikes me as highly inappropriate and potentially a violation of privacy regulations. At the very least, it feels ethically troubling.

It’s disheartening and frankly upsetting. This kind of breach creates a sense of exclusion and judgment that no family should have to endure. While we’re grateful that the school has been a positive environment for our child, this issue casts a long shadow. It raises real questions about whether this is the right community for our family because, frankly, it has become quite painful to stay and be around other families at this point.

I hope school administrators and staff in the private schools read this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.

We remain grateful, as we always have been. Our child is doing well, and we’re confident he will continue to thrive. He’s receiving an excellent education during a formative time in his life, and we truly value that.

However, as parents, the experience has become increasingly difficult. The gossip and judgment we’ve encountered have left us feeling unwelcome and alienated. It’s reached a point where we no longer feel comfortable participating in school events or volunteering extensively. Why continue showing up only to feel scrutinized? It’s disheartening and makes it clear that, as parents, we don’t belong.

As a result, we’ve decided to step back from school-related activities, unless doing so would negatively impact our child's education. This is not a decision made lightly, but one driven by self-respect and a need to protect our well-being.

Looking ahead, this also affects how we speak about the school. While our child is having a positive experience (and we will never take that away from him) we don’t anticipate actively promoting the school, donating, or participating in alumni events. His success will speak for itself (as in national awards), but we may simply choose not to connect it publicly with this institution, unless he wishes to do so himself.

In short, our child is thriving, and for that we are thankful. But as parents, we feel done.

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty open about our FA status to other parents. I'm sure word gets around. I'm not ashamed of it and we're obviously one of the poor ones at the school, but I think there's so much mystery around it that I feel compelled to be an open book about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly triggered some people, OP!

Two things: word gets around because this information is not actually confidential. But most of the stuff you read on DCUM is people making assumptions based on context clues.

Yes, clearly the people who knows private info of others are triggered!! They know that they know stuff they should not know. And they should realize that it is crystal clear to the financial aid families that this is happening.

My dear OP. Some of these people think FA families are secondary citizens at school, and should just be grateful for the crumbs they receive - so they absolutely do not care how they come across. I've read such gems on here writing as "I'm paying for their kid's education, so they'd better behave and look humble and grateful!". What can you do with such people?

Yes, we are totally secondary citizens, that's what we expected. BUT, we never thought we would be the subject of gossip among big donor parents and school staff. That has been a shock.

You have the last laugh because they are funding your kid’s education. Just be glad it’s not the same as my brother’s boarding school in the 1990s. They made him work part time in the dining halls cleaning up after his classmates as part of his financial aid package.