I think people can definitely hide it. When DD was young I became friendly with a mom who volunteered with me. She had a successful career and always seemed so put together. She was always the first person to step up to help others and a fantastic mom. She seemed to have a happy marriage. I never suspected a thing. Eventually she faded on the friendship and I learned later that it was because she sought treatment. I never would have guessed. I felt like a lousy friend for not offering support. She did recover and has been sober a long long time. She now volunteers in multiple capacities related to alcohol use. I’m glad she found her happy ending. It’s a disease and the stigma deters people from treatment.

For me, I can smell it on people before I see the other clues. It’s upsetting to encounter it in situations like a 9 am meeting at my childrens’ school or a weekend lunchtime kids’ sporting event and then start to see the other clues while everyone else carries on as usual.

There were a lot of alcoholics in my family growing up but I didn’t realize it when I was a kid and just assumed that’s how adults were. My heart is with the people dealing with this under the own roof or in their own life.

According to DCUM anyone who drinks more than 2-3 times a year is an alcoholic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was. No one had any idea how bad things were or my regular consumption patterns. I never day drank or to excess in public. No impact on my job, etc. I quit and now everyone just thinks I turned into a health freak. And in some ways…. I did, I decided to save my own life.

Same! My dh had no idea even. I mean he knew I drank at parties but he didn’t know about all the drink I’d drink before we got there. Mostly though I just drank at night 7-11pm I’d have 5-7 drinks. I wasn’t out of control, never had a hangover. I actually was nicer and more fun with my kids once I had a few drinks and could relax. I only liked vodka because it was clear, tasteless (well to me) and didn’t leave a long lasting smell. I drank it with seltzer water.

I never drove drunk though. No one ever said a word to me and I know no one suspected. My friends aren’t shy at saying what they think, my parents neither. I was actually a bit hurt my dh never noticed. I think I was waiting for him to notice and tell me to stop, so I could tell him about how my life was stressful. No one in our extended family ever drinks so I think he didn’t know about alcoholism.

My DH was like this until he wasn't. Drank completely in private at night at home and would never drive drunk. I grew up so sheltered that I didn't know the signs, but he could be drunk in front of other people also and I don't think they knew.

As the alcoholism took over he started becoming increasingly sloppy in front of other people so everyone could start to tell, and began making increasingly foolhardy decisions.

In recovery now.

I think this is key. Many, many alcoholics are “functional” until they aren’t.

Anonymous wrote:Oh yes, it is very common.
I've been sober for over 30 years. I quit early and before it interfered with much. I used to manage people and often suspected that many were functional alcoholics. I think it's very common for women to be in this category and people who work out or play a sport in adulthood often recover long enough so that they think it doesn't affect them and drinking is iften part of the lifestyle (golf). People who live with them may know but they can hide it from most others. What made me think employees were: lots of talk about going out for drinks, casual mentions of wine/beer all the time, calling in sick on many Mondays, a sweet smell, puffiness and sweat on face, accidents from tripping or falling combined with other clues, anxious behavior and excessive worry.

Spouse of a recovering alcoholic and this post tripped all my anxiety switches because it's just so true. The accidents, the anxious behavior, the excessive worry, the smell, the puffiness and shiny face.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They think they hide it but they don’t. If you grew up with an alcoholic, you always see the signs.

Yet here are many stories of people whose husbands, parents and friends had no idea until it was too late….

Sorry you had an alcoholic parent but your experience is not universal. Many can and do hide it.

and those people will now be able to spot it in others. It is a hard learned lesson one never forgets once the learn it.

I had 11 beers last night and not a single coworker even knows I drink.

PP/ACOA and I have impeccable Alcohol Radar - it’s my party trick. I can smell the booze emanating from your pores and breath and it’s an awful odor- I’d describe as stale and dirty. Immediately recognizable. Also, you have a low key tremble in your hands and sometimes in your head and neck - I notice when you’re otherwise still and I glance over and there it is.

Your eyes look rheumy and glassy. Kind of watery.Your palms are red and ruddy.

You drink a ton of water, soda, coffee and eat candy during the day.

Guessing your drink of choice is vodka. Drunks think it’s odorless and therefore can be slipped into water bottles, sodas and no one will be the wiser. You might keep a tiny bottle of vodka nearby - in your car, in your desk drawer.

You take a shot ahead of anything remotely nerve wracking - even a long drive. You can drink just about anyone under the table. Never vomit, iron stomach.

You have thin legs but a gut or pooch or burgeoning beer belly that’s really a fatty upper pelvic area.

You flush easily and have red cheeks and broken veins atop your nose and cheeks.

Oh yes, it is very common.
I've been sober for over 30 years. I quit early and before it interfered with much. I used to manage people and often suspected that many were functional alcoholics. I think it's very common for women to be in this category and people who work out or play a sport in adulthood often recover long enough so that they think it doesn't affect them and drinking is iften part of the lifestyle (golf). People who live with them may know but they can hide it from most others. What made me think employees were: lots of talk about going out for drinks, casual mentions of wine/beer all the time, calling in sick on many Mondays, a sweet smell, puffiness and sweat on face, accidents from tripping or falling combined with other clues, anxious behavior and excessive worry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They think they hide it but they don’t. If you grew up with an alcoholic, you always see the signs.

Yet here are many stories of people whose husbands, parents and friends had no idea until it was too late….

Sorry you had an alcoholic parent but your experience is not universal. Many can and do hide it.

and those people will now be able to spot it in others. It is a hard learned lesson one never forgets once the learn it.

I had 11 beers last night and not a single coworker even knows I drink.

One day it will catch up to you, both facially (puffiness, redness, gin blossoms), biologically(pancreatitis, cirhosis, cancer) and mentally(blackout activity, memory loss,dementia.) But enjoy your beer.

More than that, it will cause personality changes and relational issues, even while you think everything is fine. Eventually it will be obvious even to you that you aren't hiding it any more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They think they hide it but they don’t. If you grew up with an alcoholic, you always see the signs.

Yet here are many stories of people whose husbands, parents and friends had no idea until it was too late….

Sorry you had an alcoholic parent but your experience is not universal. Many can and do hide it.

and those people will now be able to spot it in others. It is a hard learned lesson one never forgets once the learn it.

I had 11 beers last night and not a single coworker even knows I drink.

One day it will catch up to you, both facially (puffiness, redness, gin blossoms), biologically(pancreatitis, cirhosis, cancer) and mentally(blackout activity, memory loss,dementia.) But enjoy your beer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They think they hide it but they don’t. If you grew up with an alcoholic, you always see the signs.

Yet here are many stories of people whose husbands, parents and friends had no idea until it was too late….

Sorry you had an alcoholic parent but your experience is not universal. Many can and do hide it.

and those people will now be able to spot it in others. It is a hard learned lesson one never forgets once the learn it.

I had 11 beers last night and not a single coworker even knows I drink.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They think they hide it but they don’t. If you grew up with an alcoholic, you always see the signs.

Yet here are many stories of people whose husbands, parents and friends had no idea until it was too late….

Sorry you had an alcoholic parent but your experience is not universal. Many can and do hide it.

and those people will now be able to spot it in others. It is a hard learned lesson one never forgets once the learn it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve ever known anyone well who has substance abuse issues, it’s easy to spot.

Really anyone over the age of 40 who drinks regularly has some sort of issue.

Alcohol is a poison. When I see anyone over the age of 35/40 drink a few drinks I assume they deal with a lack of sleep, weight gain, sexual performance issues, fights with their spouse and other nonsense.

Functioning alcoholic just means they are white and graduated college.

This is utterly ridiculous.

+1. You would never see my formerly high functioning alcoholic spouse have a few drinks, because he did 99.9% of his drinking in secret. It took 5-6 years for the puffiness and lack of impulse control to be noticeable.

My mom. I now can spot an alcoholic a mile away. There is a certain puffiness and other skin changes which are dead giveaways. My mom was regarded as an excellent mother, hard worker and a woman of stunning beauty. At home, she drank herself to sleep most nights. She neglected and abused me. I cleaned up her beer and wine bottles every day before school. She died of pancreatic cancer a month after diagnosis. Even with her body rotting from the inside out, she was beautiful and high functioning and continued to drink until the end.

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve ever known anyone well who has substance abuse issues, it’s easy to spot.

Really anyone over the age of 40 who drinks regularly has some sort of issue.

Alcohol is a poison. When I see anyone over the age of 35/40 drink a few drinks I assume they deal with a lack of sleep, weight gain, sexual performance issues, fights with their spouse and other nonsense.

Functioning alcoholic just means they are white and graduated college.

This is utterly ridiculous.

I was. “Functioning” meaning I didn’t neglect my responsibilities and I was still able to workout, somehow. But I wasn’t doing any of these things well or efficiently. I started experiencing memory loss, couldn’t lose weight, and looked like sh**, and I also knew my drinking would drive me to an early grave, so I gave it up for the most part. (I will drink *one* drink every now and then but have no compulsion to drink more than that so don’t. Glad I got a handle on it before it was too late.)