For Junior High? No way. Because they’re not graduating.

This is OP, thanks everyone for the responses & the reality/sanity check. Well, my brother texted everyone yesterday saying oops ceremony starts at 6, not 5, which clinched my decision not to go. Even if I could find a sitter for my 5yo, returning home at 10 pm is really late for my 9 yo (and myself!!), and if my brother can’t understand why I wouldn’t want to drive home that late, well that’s on him. As suggested by some PPs, I suggested we get together a different time to celebrate.

Also -
I really appreciate the sanity check because my own kids are younger & haven’t had any “graduations” yet and my brother made a huuuuuge deal out of this ceremony. Some extended family members such as my parents were talking about summer plans, maybe traveling in early June, and the way my brother responded, it was clear that he expected everyone to put off their travel plans for this promotion ceremony…. So I internalized that, felt really guilty about not going, was going to ask around my mom friends for a sitter referral, while ignoring the little voice in my head saying this is not worth all of the hoop-jumping…

But I also will say to those of you asking if my brother has come to any of my kids’ events, no, he hasn’t because I haven’t invited him to any, and my threshold to invite him is pretty high because of the driving distance, but… he is the kind of person who would try to make whatever events I invited him to because he really is that generous and big-hearted (which stokes my guilt).

In the circumstances you described, I would go and bring both kids, but I am stuck on this:

My older kid is attending half-day camp that starts at 8:30 am through the school district and absences/tardiness are not okay without a compelling reason.

I mean, or what?! This is not school. I'd go and have both kids miss camp the next day. And make up a "compelling reason" if need be.

Your brother needs therapy, not a crowd at his kid's promotion ceremony

Anonymous wrote:All this for a junior high graduation? It’s not even a real graduation! Stay home.

+100

I would not take a 5 year old to a graduation ceremony for a non-sibling even if it was a 5 minute drive away. Skip it and tell your brother that you'll be there for the HS graduation (and for that make arrangements for a sitter for the kids).

Graduation ceremonies are really boring, even for adults.

No - don't go. Do send a gift and have cupcakes delivered or something...

Anonymous wrote:All this for a junior high graduation? It’s not even a real graduation! Stay home.

Agree.

Aunt of 12.

heck no. My own kid is graduating from middle school. It totally not a big deal if they are going on to their local public. K-8slightly bigger deal, but I would not attend this for a nephew. No way.

I’d never go. Boring!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Academic graduation is HS and College BA or PhD.

That's the list.

OP here & I agree. My brother really cares about his side of the family attending his son’s events, I think in part because he’s acrimoniously divorced (that’s another can of worms). So I do feel guilty and try to make an extra effort to be there for him and his son. It’s just it’ll be such a long day for my little one, even if I let him stay home from camp that day to rest up beforehand.

Does your brother go out of his way to attend your kids’ minute vanity events?

There’s your answer.

Did the brother show up for your child's preschool graduation? The T-ball playoffs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Academic graduation is HS and College BA or PhD.

That's the list.

OP here & I agree. My brother really cares about his side of the family attending his son’s events, I think in part because he’s acrimoniously divorced (that’s another can of worms). So I do feel guilty and try to make an extra effort to be there for him and his son. It’s just it’ll be such a long day for my little one, even if I let him stay home from camp that day to rest up beforehand.

Pick another time once the kids are in summer to get them together to celebrate. Attending a graduation is so boring and you're not even spending the time with the graduate! I think everyone would prefer to trip to the pool and fun dinner or something.

A middle school graduation isn't a thing. Send the kid a gift and save yourself a ton of time.

Honestly, I think these “graduation “ ceremonies for elementary and high school are ridiculous. However, I would go to support family. Especially if they would do the same for you.
Maybe you could give your five year-old a bath before going and when you get home, all he has to do is changing into PJs and brush his teeth and get into bed. If even that is too disruptive maybe he just sleeps in his clothes one night.

Anonymous wrote:Can you invite them for a celebration dinner or lunch the weekend before or after instead? Seems like a lot for 8th grade

+1 graduation ceremonies are a PITA even without your logistical challenges. Suggest a different time to celebrate.

Anonymous wrote:Academic graduation is HS and College BA or PhD.

That's the list.

+1