OP, why would you hesitate to ask for a separate check?

I'm surprised by all the comments from drinkers who won't go to dinner with non-drinkers. DH and I are drinkers, and enthusiastic enough about wine that I took my sommelier certification just as a hobby.

Now, most people in our circle do drink, just because people often have friends with common interests, but we have a few that don't, and it wouldn't occur to us not to eat out with them. I can't think why you wouldn't.

It's easy enough to finish a bottle of wine between one couple, you don't need the others to split it with you. Even if a restaurant say, demands that an entire table opt in to a tasting menu in order for anyone at the table to do it, the wine pairings are always opt-in per person, so that isn't restrictive if someone doesn't want to drink. I just can't figure this out - and I say that as someone pretty serious about my wine and wine pairings.

I haven’t split a check in years. We either take turns covering the tab (this is if we are out with siblings, cousins, or others that we eat out with multiple times a year or if we are on vacation together). Or, if it’s with a friend, one person pays and then we Venmo them what we owe. It’s never been an issue if we Venmo a little more or a little less than half the check because of what we ordered. I’ll just say “sending you a Venmo for my salad, adding extra for tax and tip or course”. Or, “sending you a Venmo for most of that bill since I clearly ordered more than you”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would split the check but I’d also probably not go out with a couple who doesn’t drink. If for some reason I did find myself out with a couple who didn’t drink and I had 2 cocktails, I would offer to pay extra.

What?

They are cool, and we non-drinkers are not!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We generally just suck it up and offer to split the check down the middle in these situations. Most people we know would then offer to pay the tip or pay more to cover their drinks.

This. I figure that picking up some of the cost of someone else's fancier meal is just part of socializing. And maybe someday yours will be the more expensive one and someone will cover you without thinking about it.

lol. No. Only the people who constantly overspend on someone else’s dime think this. The non drinking vegetarian is highly unlikely to ever be the higher spender, you just tell yourself this to feel less bad about someone else subsidizing your meal 🙄

I’m a non drinking vegetarian. I am always $20 less than my friend and that’s before tip and tax. After multiple nights out together, it really adds up.

Absolutely. Plus add in one nice bottle of wine, and you’re well well under! These people just take advantage of others under the guise of “it all washes out”, but for some of us that’s just not true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would split the check but I’d also probably not go out with a couple who doesn’t drink. If for some reason I did find myself out with a couple who didn’t drink and I had 2 cocktails, I would offer to pay extra.

What?

NP here, and I agree. I wouldn’t have dinner with another couple who doesn’t drink either. How much fun is that? No thanks.

NP also and 100% agree. Yawn.

This seems bizarre to me. Do you think it takes alcohol to make you fun? How boring are you if impairing you mental facilities is an improvement? In my experience, sober people are much more interesting and fun to be around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We generally just suck it up and offer to split the check down the middle in these situations. Most people we know would then offer to pay the tip or pay more to cover their drinks.

This. I figure that picking up some of the cost of someone else's fancier meal is just part of socializing. And maybe someday yours will be the more expensive one and someone will cover you without thinking about it.

lol. No. Only the people who constantly overspend on someone else’s dime think this. The non drinking vegetarian is highly unlikely to ever be the higher spender, you just tell yourself this to feel less bad about someone else subsidizing your meal 🙄

I’m a non drinking vegetarian. I am always $20 less than my friend and that’s before tip and tax. After multiple nights out together, it really adds up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would split the check but I’d also probably not go out with a couple who doesn’t drink. If for some reason I did find myself out with a couple who didn’t drink and I had 2 cocktails, I would offer to pay extra.

What?

NP here, and I agree. I wouldn’t have dinner with another couple who doesn’t drink either. How much fun is that? No thanks.

NP also and 100% agree. Yawn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We generally just suck it up and offer to split the check down the middle in these situations. Most people we know would then offer to pay the tip or pay more to cover their drinks.

This. I figure that picking up some of the cost of someone else's fancier meal is just part of socializing. And maybe someday yours will be the more expensive one and someone will cover you without thinking about it.

lol. No. Only the people who constantly overspend on someone else’s dime think this. The non drinking vegetarian is highly unlikely to ever be the higher spender, you just tell yourself this to feel less bad about someone else subsidizing your meal 🙄

Request separate cheques when you sit down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We generally just suck it up and offer to split the check down the middle in these situations. Most people we know would then offer to pay the tip or pay more to cover their drinks.

This. I figure that picking up some of the cost of someone else's fancier meal is just part of socializing. And maybe someday yours will be the more expensive one and someone will cover you without thinking about it.

People always say this, but I've found that if you're a tap water and salad person, and the other person is a 3 glasses of wine, app, steak, and dessert person, then no, it will never even out. And I say that as the latter type of person!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would split the check but I’d also probably not go out with a couple who doesn’t drink. If for some reason I did find myself out with a couple who didn’t drink and I had 2 cocktails, I would offer to pay extra.

What?

NP here, and I agree. I wouldn’t have dinner with another couple who doesn’t drink either. How much fun is that? No thanks.

I'd expect the couple who had drinks to notice that their choices were more expensive than the other couple's. I always do.

We don't calculate down to the penny, but I don't want anyone to feel like they're subsidizing me.

Use a check splitting app.

Anonymous wrote:Split the check by paying with two credit cards. Not all places make it easy for server to split a check.
Take the check home if you must and Venmo your friends later after you figure out how much. That's what young people do nowadays. Love it! They actually venmo at the table and only one person pays.
The friends should offer to tip on your part of the chek. If they don't, you have no business being friends.
What a coincidence that you don't drink along with seeing it as a problem to pay $25-$40 for your friends. I'm poor, but don't have such problem.
Don't take your problem to the restaurant, specially when they are busy.

This is true.

But in most restaurants nowadays it is very easy, compared to how it used to be.