There's a lot to be said for being best friends with your life partner. Sex and passion fade. Sure, a few people keep fukkin like bunnies into their 80s, but they are a vanishing minority. Pick the partner who will take care of you after the babies are born, and won't go looking for strange while you're healing. Pick the partner whose housekeeping matches yours, who shares your values, who makes you laugh. Pick the one you respect, who you would be happy to support in tough times because you are 100% confident he'd do the same for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had a couple of head over heels scenarios in dating that ended up going down in flames.

Currently my boyfriend of 5 months is slow and steady. We get along well and like each other. neither is in love and both are looking for marriage. He has good strong character, and his bad traits so far are extremely minimal.

I’m used to having crazy insane sparks right away. is what we have going on something that could be a good start to a marital relationship? Or is it a red flag that we aren’t in love yet?

Girl, dtmf today! You deserve to experience an intense love, and this guy can't give it to you. Keep looking, and you'll find it. Tell your bf that you're looking for more, wish him good luck, and never look back.

Found the drama addict

You do realize there is something wrong with you if you need tonoutsouce this question

You guys are marriage materials, slow burn and long lasting.

It sounds boring, but you can always try the fast and furious and soon flamed out as before.

If he suddenly had to move away, would you be sad/try to keep it going long-distance? Or would just just move on with your life? That's your answer

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had a couple of head over heels scenarios in dating that ended up going down in flames.

Currently my boyfriend of 5 months is slow and steady. We get along well and like each other. neither is in love and both are looking for marriage. He has good strong character, and his bad traits so far are extremely minimal.

I’m used to having crazy insane sparks right away. is what we have going on something that could be a good start to a marital relationship? Or is it a red flag that we aren’t in love yet?

Girl, dtmf today! You deserve to experience an intense love, and this guy can't give it to you. Keep looking, and you'll find it. Tell your bf that you're looking for more, wish him good luck, and never look back.

This is actually a really hard question to answer, in my experience, and will depend on some subtle details. In general, I think the potential for love is something you have from the very beginning or not at all. BUT, it’s not always immediate fireworks and sometimes it takes some time to get things lined up in that direction—in my experience, though, there has always been an immediate *noticing* of the person as someone who makes you go, hmm, who is THAT? Even if you don’t get involved for months or even years thereafter, and even if the start is kind of slow. It’s hard because you can have legitimately good friendships where you have really good sex but it isn’t quite the same.

A lot of it depends on your age/situation in life, you don’t necessarily get the immediate fireworks in a situation where you’re both busy and distracted, have a lot going on, have some caution from past bad experiences, etc.

Don't settle.

That is what you are talking about: settling. You can have an amazing love that isn't going to "go down in flames."

This is what happens when everyone has several relationships. You compare with ones you had and with ones you can have. Grass is always greener on the other side because you aren't standing on it.

I’d give it more time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were slow burners although very physically attracted to each other and the best $ex. I think our feelings developed slower than past relationships because we were both wary of opening up again and needed to take things slower emotionally. It’s worked out well so far and was a healthier relationship. I realized I was either falling in love with the idea of someone or falling into an unhealthy pattern with others of intense passion with lots of fighting. True love takes time to develop- I think as long as there is attraction/chemistry and respect, it’s a good relationship.

This is interesting to me. I have a really hard time imagining having great s*x and not also having strong emotions about the person. of course there is a difference between that and lasting love, but I can’t picture it feeling “slow” emotionally. Was is that at the beginning even though you were sleeping together you took your time becoming enmeshed on a day to day basis? like just weekend dates for months?

Honestly I’m not sure either. We were really attracted to each other but both out of recent(ish) longterm relationships and emotionally weren’t very available. It would likely have been different if we met when we were younger (met at 30 and 33). He’s also an introvert which I had to get used to - a man of actions more than words which was different from my extroverted exes.

It seems to me you are likely trying to make something happens that won't - is it possibly I are pressuring yourself to settle?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. PP you mentioned a good point that I left out. We mostly just see each other on weekends and that could also contribute to my “not in love” feeling. It’s like we get along but we don’t spend a huge amount of time together. I’m used to seeing my partner multiple times a week. It feels like we move slow. but I know he is faithful and likes me. There just doesn’t seem to be a desire to be super enmeshed.

Move on.

OP here. PP you mentioned a good point that I left out. We mostly just see each other on weekends and that could also contribute to my “not in love” feeling. It’s like we get along but we don’t spend a huge amount of time together. I’m used to seeing my partner multiple times a week. It feels like we move slow. but I know he is faithful and likes me. There just doesn’t seem to be a desire to be super enmeshed.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were slow burners although very physically attracted to each other and the best $ex. I think our feelings developed slower than past relationships because we were both wary of opening up again and needed to take things slower emotionally. It’s worked out well so far and was a healthier relationship. I realized I was either falling in love with the idea of someone or falling into an unhealthy pattern with others of intense passion with lots of fighting. True love takes time to develop- I think as long as there is attraction/chemistry and respect, it’s a good relationship.

This is interesting to me. I have a really hard time imagining having great s*x and not also having strong emotions about the person. of course there is a difference between that and lasting love, but I can’t picture it feeling “slow” emotionally. Was is that at the beginning even though you were sleeping together you took your time becoming enmeshed on a day to day basis? like just weekend dates for months?