Your BROTHER doesn’t care enough to have it domestically, OP, so stop blaming his fiancee. Even if she wants it, he’s still going along with it.

If I had told my DH we were going to have a destination wedding and not care if family showed up, he would have said, uh NOPE. And he is as mild-mannered as they come.

It’s so tiresome for you to be blaming a woman instead of your brother. He has a brain and a voice. If he cared about your family being there, you’d know it. But he doesn’t. He’s Just Not That Into You.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a win-win for the couple, esp if they'd prefer a small, intimate wedding:

Fewer attendees means they are shelling out less for the event: You don't attend AND write a check, so they aren't spending for you to eat and drink, and get the gift

Hahaha. No. I don’t write a check. I promptly respond “no” and that’s it.

Unless they’re my sibling, niece/ nephew, then I send a check

Yeah well, OP is a sibling. So.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married in Italy because I married a woman that was from Chianti but came over to the states at 10. All her family was back there.

Is that a 'destination wedding'?

No.

+1

DH’s brother was in the same situation. Large family and elderly parents & all the siblings traveled to attend. Many of the spouses and children did not, however…due to affordability or life situation. We had three kids < 5 at the time so DH went alone. He had fun.

Destination weddings are usually much cheaper and virtually always much easier for the couple, and many like the romantic idea of getting married at a resort on a beach somewhere (I got married on the beach at the Mauna Lani, but we didn't invite anyone -- caught hell for that as well).

It is expected that guests who don't want to come, for whatever reason, will decline. And it isn't a big deal. People who want a big wedding with everyone they have ever known present do not get married at a resort in Cancun, or wherever. So yeah, for some couples, the destination (and all the ease, savings, etc that that involves) is more important than the guests. And that is fine.

The wedding isn't for you.

Anonymous wrote:I got married in Italy because I married a woman that was from Chianti but came over to the states at 10. All her family was back there.

Is that a 'destination wedding'?

No.

It is your brother’s decision too. You don’t want to get off on a bad foot either SIL. You don’t need the drama….

Destination weddings work well for some couples/families IME. Most of our friends who have done this come from smaller families (with the small immediate family onboard and enthusiastic) and then any friends or cousins etc who want to join are invited but may not come.

I would have loved to do a destination wedding but just wouldn’t have worked for us. One side of the family is large, an elderly grandparent who couldn’t travel.

Obviously you have to go, and the kids - depends how inconvenient the time and location is. You have an excuse not to bring them, IMO.

It's the couple's wedding, they can have it where they want. I would not make HS aged kids go. They can stay home, and yes the couple expects people to decline.

Anonymous wrote:Because they don't really care if those guests attend or not. And it's not on your SIL. The bottom line is if they go through with it, it's not important enough to your BROTHER that his side of the family doesn't come. Don't be one of those nightmare families that thinks their relative is blameless in these situations.

Exactly. Blame your brother, not your SIL. Your brother sounds like a loser. If anything, you should talk to your SIL and tell her to RUN from this manchild.

Anonymous wrote:I got married in Italy because I married a woman that was from Chianti but came over to the states at 10. All her family was back there.

Is that a 'destination wedding'?

It is for your side.

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy destination weddings. If we can swing it, we go. If not, we will send them a wedding gift. Not really a big deal.

My cousin got married within an hour of where he grew up and lives now. I live 3,000 miles away. I didn't go. It would be a destination wedding for ME, even though it wasn't for HIM.

Anonymous wrote:It's a win-win for the couple, esp if they'd prefer a small, intimate wedding:

Fewer attendees means they are shelling out less for the event: You don't attend AND write a check, so they aren't spending for you to eat and drink, and get the gift

Hahaha. No. I don’t write a check. I promptly respond “no” and that’s it.

Unless they’re my sibling, niece/ nephew, then I send a check

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's much less expensive to host a wedding in Mexico than in the US major city we live in. We were able to include elements we wanted that we otherwise wouldn't have been able to have.

Weddings, especially in major cities, have reached astronomical prices. A lot of people are having small weddings or going overseas to the Caribbean or Mexico where it is significantly cheaper.

Cheaper for the couple lol. That’s the issue. If your plan is to make it cheaper for yourself and more expensive and time consuming for your guests then don’t be surprised when most decline and the ones who have to be there (like siblings) are salty about it.

It’s literally the one day of their lives when it’s about THEM not you. You’re free not to show up.

I got married in Italy because I married a woman that was from Chianti but came over to the states at 10. All her family was back there.

Is that a 'destination wedding'?

I enjoy destination weddings. If we can swing it, we go. If not, we will send them a wedding gift. Not really a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's much less expensive to host a wedding in Mexico than in the US major city we live in. We were able to include elements we wanted that we otherwise wouldn't have been able to have.

Weddings, especially in major cities, have reached astronomical prices. A lot of people are having small weddings or going overseas to the Caribbean or Mexico where it is significantly cheaper.

Cheaper for the couple lol. That’s the issue. If your plan is to make it cheaper for yourself and more expensive and time consuming for your guests then don’t be surprised when most decline and the ones who have to be there (like siblings) are salty about it.

You sound fun.