Anonymous wrote:So hard, but as long as they are in control and making decisions, you have to let them live with their choices and help pick up the pieces/clean up the mess as best you can when things inevitably fall apart

+1. Another part of it being hard is that elderly people aren't as sharp as they once were, so you question how much of it is really a choice. But I will say we are going through this with my mom and she has always been pretty stubborn. It is hard to watch, but it is HER choice. We have to respect that and pick up the pieces as best we can later.

So hard, but as long as they are in control and making decisions, you have to let them live with their choices and help pick up the pieces/clean up the mess as best you can when things inevitably fall apart

It may be helpful to think of what you think would be the opposite. You don't leave. Your family has to fend for themselves. You take extended leave from work. You do everything you think they would want you to do. What would that look like?

Most likely things would fall apart. Resentment might build. They might not appreciate your sacrifices over time. You might find you actually enabled them and are right back where you started when you can't take another second.

There are no easy solutions, but you just find the balance of respecting their choices and letting them know your limits and accepting the situation stinks, but it is what it is and you cannot set yourself on fire to keep them warm.