Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I’m thinking, I think what also makes it worse is we have a child who is extremely socially anxious (which likely stems from DH) but DH will punish and be so upset with our child for underperforming in social settings, like sports games. It just seems so hypocritical.

Well, that's textbook transference.

It's also heartbreaking.

My 14 year old had terrible anxiety as a young child. I had a hard time handling it myself, but got over it and did what I needed to do to help my kid. She used to be a kid that asked to participate in everything and then would fall apart when it came time to attend the party/play in the game/sing in the school show. She's overcome all of that with therapy and patience and understanding from her parents, teachers, and coaches.

You need to stand up for your kid here.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I’m thinking, I think what also makes it worse is we have a child who is extremely socially anxious (which likely stems from DH) but DH will punish and be so upset with our child for underperforming in social settings, like sports games. It just seems so hypocritical.

Do you point out that they are EXACTLY alike and ask your husband if he wants you to act like this towards him? It goes a long way with my husband when I point out that often the things that annoy each of us about our kid is typically the way they are the most like each of us.