Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are so hung up on the birthday bit. OP is lonely and her 50th just highlighted that. Op, do you have social anxiety? I've found thats usually the biggest problem.

Because it shows the entitlement. I don’t have time to go out for dinner on my own birthday, let alone someone not even in my family. If OP isn’t busy enough then that’s not anyone else’s fault.

Wow, you are so busy and important!!

Anonymous wrote:Honestly my advice is that by 40 and surely by 50 you should have other priorities in your life than whether some random person who isn’t even a family member gives you a card. It’s an immature thing to be concerned about. Maybe at 10 years old but not after that. Do you have a therapist?

Oh, STFU. It's 100 perecnt reasonable to be hurt by hot having a single person reach out. Honestly, it's rude. If you are someone's friend you make note of such things and send something even if it's a silly text. You acknowledge it. It's not hard but nowadays people are so selfih it is gross.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

+1

You are 50. Throw yourself a party.

Agreed. For my husband’s 50th bday, he wanted a huge party. We probably had 100 people. 80s theme so we had Pac-Man machines, 80s movies playing silently on the wall, 80s music, etc. For my 50th, my bday is two days way from my best friend’s bday. She had a big bash in LA that we went to and our mutual friends flying in for the party had a brunch for me (these are all people who went to law school together). Then, back at home, my husband hosted about 12 people for a murder mystery dinner theatre that was super cheesy but I had always wanted to go. Very few of these people would have independently realized we were turning 50. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t our close friends. And they all love a party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

+1

I don't know anyone who had friends throw them a party like they're 10.

+2
Also, Maybe find some new friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain my inlaws don't know my birthday.

+1 Or even my extended family. I only know my parents, ILs (due to celebrating them over the years), and my very closest friends from childhood.

I sometimes feel like if I didn’t know your birthday by age 25, I can’t retain it now.

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain my inlaws don't know my birthday.

+1 Or even my extended family. I only know my parents, ILs (due to celebrating them over the years), and my very closest friends from childhood.

I am sorry, OP. If you could afford it, book yourself an active, guided trip to an amazing place (Patagonia?) and enjoy. Life is too short.

I don’t know of adults having big birthday bashes. Most people want to forget about their birthday and just keep moving.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't remind people about my birthday but I take my friends out for their birthday (just did that last week--took a friend our for a birthday brunch). I invite them, choose the restaurant from one I know they like, and pay. This has never been reciprocated which makes me sad.

I’m the one who asked that question. For a variety of reasons, I was not exposed to friendships growing and didn’t have many. I’ve spent my adulthood trying to figure it out. In my experience, the people with the most love and community don’t bean count like you just did. They give what they are able to do based on their energy and emotion. I would never hear from them that they took someone to birthday lunch and the person didn’t reciprocate- even when it’s true! They remind me when it’s their birthday. Years they want parties, they throw their own.

So basically they put out love and get those bids reciprocated. But they are not upset that other people don’t first put out their own bid. They don’t get hung up on being forgotten or not remembered. They focus on their side of the street.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are so hung up on the birthday bit. OP is lonely and her 50th just highlighted that. Op, do you have social anxiety? I've found thats usually the biggest problem.

Because it shows the entitlement. I don’t have time to go out for dinner on my own birthday, let alone someone not even in my family. If OP isn’t busy enough then that’s not anyone else’s fault.

+1

Like Eeyore

Anonymous wrote:In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

+1

You are 50. Throw yourself a party.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are so hung up on the birthday bit. OP is lonely and her 50th just highlighted that. Op, do you have social anxiety? I've found thats usually the biggest problem.

Because it shows the entitlement. I don’t have time to go out for dinner on my own birthday, let alone someone not even in my family. If OP isn’t busy enough then that’s not anyone else’s fault.

Birthdays don’t matter to a lot of people. I make a big deal of my kids’ birthdays and beyond that don’t give much thought to my own or those of other adults in my life. I feel I have a close group of friends and none of our interactions involve celebrating birthdays.

So yes if you’re having trouble building a community, for sure work on that, but don’t equate the lack of birthday wishes with people not caring. Everyone has different ways of showing up.

Anonymous wrote:In my group of friends, people throw their own events for their milestone birthdays. People are happy to celebrate and attend.

+1

I don't know anyone who had friends throw them a party like they're 10.

If it’s not on Facebook I’m unlikely to remember unless you bring it up to me beforehand. Doesnt mean I don’t care, I just have so much going on it’s not in my wheelhouse.
Honestly though did your spouse know you wanted something to celebrate? He shoujd have arranged at least a dinner or something.
Maybe for your 60th drop some obvious hints beforehand.