Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:17
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
He just needs time and to go at his own speed.
He's trying. Don't demoralize him- it's causes me to back off and give up trying.
You are BOTH going through a huge life adjustment right now. Be kind and patient with each other.
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.
He's trying. Don't demoralize him- it's causes me to back off and give up trying.
You are BOTH going through a huge life adjustment right now. Be kind and patient with each other.
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:13
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Also, caring for an infant is not "being a parent". If he is picking up all the other slack right now and letting you be the primary infant carer, it doesn't mean he sucks as a parent. Newborns are newborns for a matter of months. Not every great parent is great at every stage, and this one is REALLY short.
+100.
I will chalk up OP’s obstinancy in her responses and lack of charity towards her husband to her delicate postpartum state.
I'm hopeful that her eagerness to die on this is hill is her own anxiety, sleep deprivation, etc., because it doesn't bode well if it isn't.
DP.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:12
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:Also, caring for an infant is not "being a parent". If he is picking up all the other slack right now and letting you be the primary infant carer, it doesn't mean he sucks as a parent. Newborns are newborns for a matter of months. Not every great parent is great at every stage, and this one is REALLY short.
+100.
I will chalk up OP’s obstinancy in her responses and lack of charity towards her husband to her delicate postpartum state.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:09
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Men can also have PPA and PPD. It sounds like he’s doing what he knows how to be helpful, and just anxious around the baby. He may grow out of it but most likely your baby will just grow older and sturdier, and he will adapt when he is more ready to. I learned that you cannot force someone to be a parent the way you imagine they would parent. It’s a process of learning and growing with your baby/child for everyone.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:09
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Also, caring for an infant is not "being a parent". If he is picking up all the other slack right now and letting you be the primary infant carer, it doesn't mean he sucks as a parent. Newborns are newborns for a matter of months. Not every great parent is great at every stage, and this one is REALLY short.
I strongly disagree with your statement. Parenting is caring for your child. The rest is being a capable adult.
Keeping a baby alive isn't parenting. But keep arguing with everyone, OP.
+1. By all accounts my mom could not deal with having a newborn. The anxiety took over and she was paralyzed. She refused to do night feedings and seldom held me.
She was also a great mom. It's just that one short stage that overwhelmed her.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:08
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:It’s SO early. He has anxiety—not everyone knows how to take care of an infant. The fact that he’s doing so much else IS a help to you. When the baby is a little sturdier I bet he will be fine. We aren’t all good at everything. What is one thing he is comfortable doing with the baby? Is it burping? Is it shushing back to sleep when wakes up briefly. One step at a time then add more. I know you’re exhausted and hormonal—trust me I know! Just send him to get you all the things you need so YOU can keep hydrated and well fed! I promise it will get better.
Nothing. He won’t change a diaper, get him dressed, give a bath, put him to sleep, burp, or anything else. He will only hold him if he is seated and immediately calls me to get him when he cries. He won’t walk around or hold him without being seated.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:07
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
OP is the problem; poor guy.
Very "my way or the highway" energy.
Very "my way or the highway" energy.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:07
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Also, caring for an infant is not "being a parent". If he is picking up all the other slack right now and letting you be the primary infant carer, it doesn't mean he sucks as a parent. Newborns are newborns for a matter of months. Not every great parent is great at every stage, and this one is REALLY short.
I strongly disagree with your statement. Parenting is caring for your child. The rest is being a capable adult.
Keeping a baby alive isn't parenting. But keep arguing with everyone, OP.
It is. What do you think parenting is? It’s making sure your child is safe, loved, and properly cared for.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:07
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
It’s SO early. He has anxiety—not everyone knows how to take care of an infant. The fact that he’s doing so much else IS a help to you. When the baby is a little sturdier I bet he will be fine. We aren’t all good at everything. What is one thing he is comfortable doing with the baby? Is it burping? Is it shushing back to sleep when wakes up briefly. One step at a time then add more. I know you’re exhausted and hormonal—trust me I know! Just send him to get you all the things you need so YOU can keep hydrated and well fed! I promise it will get better.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:07
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
I know it feels like you'll be in this state forever, but three weeks is WAY too early to have decided that he's a failure as a parent. He may not have the confidence or training with a newborn yet, but don't give up on him yet.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:04
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Also, caring for an infant is not "being a parent". If he is picking up all the other slack right now and letting you be the primary infant carer, it doesn't mean he sucks as a parent. Newborns are newborns for a matter of months. Not every great parent is great at every stage, and this one is REALLY short.
I strongly disagree with your statement. Parenting is caring for your child. The rest is being a capable adult.
Keeping a baby alive isn't parenting. But keep arguing with everyone, OP.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:04
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
This is an issue.
Both of you should be able to soothe, carry/hold and take care of the baby.
Maybe have a convo with him to gauge what his issues really are.
Best of luck!
I’ve done exactly that and he said I’m much better at caring for him. I told him he needs to learn and he always pushes back that he’s worried because he’s so tiny.
This is very normal new parent anxiety for all new parents. Framing it as he "can't handle being a parent" is inaccurate and unhelpful. Newborns are really really hard. I don't know what the solution is to your immediate problem, but you have to give him grace about this.
I didn’t make him by myself and I shouldn’t have to do all the parenting on my own. I had to learn and so does he.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:03
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:Also, caring for an infant is not "being a parent". If he is picking up all the other slack right now and letting you be the primary infant carer, it doesn't mean he sucks as a parent. Newborns are newborns for a matter of months. Not every great parent is great at every stage, and this one is REALLY short.
I strongly disagree with your statement. Parenting is caring for your child. The rest is being a capable adult.
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:02
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
My DH was pretty nervous around our oldest when he was a newborn, but he was much more comfortable when he was a little older. He's a great dad and totally comfortable around kids. I just think the delicate newborn stage was hard for him. It was hard for me, too!
Anonymous
05/14/2025 17:02
Subject: DH can’t handle being a parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
This is an issue.
Both of you should be able to soothe, carry/hold and take care of the baby.
Maybe have a convo with him to gauge what his issues really are.
Best of luck!
I’ve done exactly that and he said I’m much better at caring for him. I told him he needs to learn and he always pushes back that he’s worried because he’s so tiny.
This is very normal new parent anxiety for all new parents. Framing it as he "can't handle being a parent" is inaccurate and unhelpful. Newborns are really really hard. I don't know what the solution is to your immediate problem, but you have to give him grace about this.