Anonymous wrote:Does anyone go to a grave and wonder about the current state of the body? That always goes through my mind and is maybe behind my preference for cremation.

I do that but not necessarily when I visit the grave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never met most of my relatives as they lived across the world. It was very meaningful to visit their graves since I never met them when they were alive.

However, not sure how often I would visit a grave of a family member if I lived nearby. I would probably prefer to just remember them.

I visited my great grandparents' graves on a trip home across the world. I don't think anyone had been there for 80 years or more. They died before
their grandkids were born. The graves were in a massive cemetery (thousands of old graves) and I didn't see any other visitors in the whole place. It made me wonder if the value of these burials. It reminded me of the movie Coco where you disappear when the last living person who remembers you dies.

In France you only lease your spot and it gets recycled once there's nobody willing or alive to pay.

What do they do with the remains?

Does anyone go to a grave and wonder about the current state of the body? That always goes through my mind and is maybe behind my preference for cremation.

Anonymous wrote:I never met most of my relatives as they lived across the world. It was very meaningful to visit their graves since I never met them when they were alive.

However, not sure how often I would visit a grave of a family member if I lived nearby. I would probably prefer to just remember them.

I visited my great grandparents' graves on a trip home across the world. I don't think anyone had been there for 80 years or more. They died before
their grandkids were born. The graves were in a massive cemetery (thousands of old graves) and I didn't see any other visitors in the whole place. It made me wonder if the value of these burials. It reminded me of the movie Coco where you disappear when the last living person who remembers you dies.

In France you only lease your spot and it gets recycled once there's nobody willing or alive to pay.

No. My parents are buried in a huge perpetual care cemetery aside my grandparents and great uncles 250 miles away.

I have no interest in ever visiting; it’s too painful and emotional. My mom died in 2023 but always insisted that I take her to visit the graves anytime we were in the area (we used to regularly visit her few remaining friends).

My mom also (a year before she died) changed her preferences for her headstone: everyone else has simple name/birth year-death format but she opted for a bigger and noticeably more elaborate piece. She was incredibly narcissistic and remains so! Maybe in a few years I’ll see the humor and visit but not now.

My faith reassures me that none of my relatives are there…always thought it was odd to “visit” the cemetery.

I'm being buried in a fancy mausoleum in my hometown. I do not know where my adult children will land. I don't know if they will visit but I will have neighbors so I know someone will read my name.

My parents visit my grandparents graves 1-2 times per year. They live out of state now—not sure if they would go more often if they lived closer. I haven’t been in years.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it’s weird to be saddled with ashes, too. My memories of my loved ones are everywhere.

You don’t have to be “saddled” with the ashes.

A- you can decline to receive them and the crematory keeps/discards them or
B - you can immediately scatter them somewhere.

They don’t have to go in an urn on your mantle.

In my religion the dead are cremated and the ashes immersed in the ocean or holy rivers. Our ancestors live on in our hearts and minds and through stories passed down. There is no physical trace left.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, on the day of the funeral. Never again.

But actually, we don't go in for burial anymore. Everyone in my family (I have a huge family) who's died in the last 20 years has opted for cremation, and no funeral.

+1

Most in my family cremate or donate their body to science.

For us, we do not require a specific location to visit to "celebrate those who have passed". And for the reasons you mention, our family is scattered all over, my own parents live 3000 miles from me and that is where they will live out their lives---it's what makes them happy. Thankfully they are also planning cremation as they know for our family, nobody is nearby so it simply doesn't make sense

Anonymous wrote:Not really. Much prefer just thinking about them and looking at photos.

This. 100%

I grew up in a cremation family, spouse in funeral and visit the grave family. His parents have both passed, and are buried far, far away in a state I hope never to step foot in again. We haven't visited those graves in years, and don't think we, or any other family members, ever will again.

I don't want to take up space in the ground - I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered. If someone wants to think about me, they don't need a cemetery/headstone to do so, they can take a hike, sit in the shade of a tree, and think about me - wherever, whenever or when-never they want.

Nope. .. and why I want to be cremated.

Honestly, it’s weird to be saddled with ashes, too. My memories of my loved ones are everywhere.

I visit my relatives who are buried in Arlington (military family) if I’m going there anyway for a funeral or if we have an out of town friend who wants to visit. I have never visited the other side of my family, even though they’re also interred in a DC cemetery. My parents and in-laws were all cremated and we keep their ashes in our house. We could scatter them at some point but none of them had clear wishes so we just keep them nearby!