Thanks for the honest feedback. I love my husband but, honestly, it's more like a great partnership, not a deeply romantic connection. I have had work husbands in the past, but i have always remained platonic -- it's more about the "light" companionship and, in the case of this guy, the harmless "fantasy." Due to personal issues, I must admit I enjoy affirmation and attention. I guess I am naive but my take is that, if I don't acknowledge the vibe they may be sending me, nothing is going to happen. I am also quite conservative, which is why I dislike the idea of affairs.

But I see what you are saying. It's just a company that I enjoy very much and that, to this point, has remained harmless. I'd be very sad to lose this connection.

Your actual husband is your friend, and your work husband is who you are intimate with (emotional only, for now). Switch this… start being intimate with your husband and you will stop looking elsewhere. If you truly have a dead bedroom that can’t be resurrected, figure that part out.

Emotional affairs are a thing (and a lot turn physical).

Anonymous wrote:Stop it now.
Emotional affairs turn into physical affairs, and you will justify it, deflect responsibility at each step along the way. All cheaters do, and like 90% of work affairs start just the way you describe. My husband's did.

The only two people I knew who behaved like this at work were a young married woman and a single guy. I'm from a generation where men and women can be friends so it wasn't weird...until it was. People really picked up on the amped up chemistry even though they were just talking or having a sack lunch at a table in an open space in the middle of the office. It was on their faces. You could see the crushing. It wasn't skeezy either.

She ended up getting a divorce and marrying the work friend.

OP, it sounds like you are well, well, well on your way to, as the old saying goes, exposing your under-carriage to the night air.
Amirite.

Your friend did you a favor.

If a work friend noticed and actually said something- no, you are not being discreet!!! 😅

Bang him!
He might be your soulmate!

Yeh you are wrong and stupid

Anonymous wrote:Other people notice = slippery slope. I think you trying to be discreet makes it worse.

Yep. If he’s truly a platonic friend there’s no need to sneak around and be discreet.

If he’s such a great friend, would you leave him and your husband alone together for lunch? That’s kind of a gauge about how “affairish” something is.

Other people notice = slippery slope. I think you trying to be discreet makes it worse.

If you are being discreet it is clear you are trying to hide something. You are playing a risky game that will not end well if you keep going.

For many men sex is the barometer of everything. You are quick to say it’s fine that you and husband are not intimate, and that with work crush things would never happen. I doubt your husband and work crush feel the same.

you "recoil at the idea of affairs", until it becomes you, and then it's "he understands me so well" "we are soulmates" "my spouse made me do it because they are too controlling, cold, dead bedroom, lazy, etc"- all of which you made up due to your shifting/distorted mindset.

Stop it now.
Emotional affairs turn into physical affairs, and you will justify it, deflect responsibility at each step along the way. All cheaters do, and like 90% of work affairs start just the way you describe. My husband's did.

Anonymous wrote:-sneak around
-when people here suggest you invite others, you note how much you enjoy the 1:1 time
-you have acknowledged your crush at to yourself
-annoyed at a friend who appears to suggest you quash your fun


Yes, you are on a slippery slope.

+1

It’s not the relationship itself - it’s the sneaking, hiding, lying about it being purely platonic when you have a crush and refer to him as your”work husband”.

The fact your friend is telling you to tone it down and it annoys you means it probably isn’t as discreet and innocent as it seems.

You’re already in an affair, it sounds like, just not a physical one. Considering your defensiveness and anger over someone trying to warn you off, I’m guessing the next step in the relationship is just a matter of opportunity.