Anonymous
05/03/2025 14:25
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:I’ll start by saying that like a lot of women, I frequently feel like low-grade crap, whether it’s cramps, a hormonal headache, allergies, soreness, bad sleep, whatever. But I just keep going because I don’t have a choice.
DH travels about 4 days a month for work. He got back from a trip Thursday at lunchtime and this morning while we were going through the weekend errands and schedule, he announced that he’s feeling under the weather and his stomach hurts and he can commit to anything.
His mom comes for a visit on Tuesday. We have a guest room to set up, groceries to buy, kids to take places, yard work that got started last weekend and never finished, and so on. But instead he’s slunk away and says he isn’t sure if he feels well enough to run errands or work outside.
This is ridiculous, right? I was doing everything from Sunday when he left to Thursday afternoon, 6 am-midnight each day, including all of the kid stuff and pet stuff and meals and house stuff plus my own job. I am tired. I felt off and gross 24 hours into his trip, but I didn’t have the luxury of a wife doing everything while I chilled on the couch waiting to feel better.
Give me the words to call him out on this without setting up a stupid confrontation that I don’t have time for.
Sounds like he may have been exposed to a lot more germs traveling that you were. Stop keeping score. If stuff doesn't get done because he won't do it, it doesn't always have to get done.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 14:24
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.
+1
+1000. Don't do any more than you absolutely have to. Let his mom deal. She may not mind as much as you think anyway.
I think she’ll mind. We moved a couple of months ago and all of the guest room furniture is still wrapped in moving blankets in a corner of the room and there is protective paper and plastic everywhere where DH was going to start a project in that room. So it’s not accessible or usable even for just sleeping.
His mom, his problem.
Everyone here always talks a big game but I doubt most people would have the guts or cruelty to lead an elderly woman to an unprepared guest room after a long flight just to try to make a point about their DH’s behavior.
You're just making things up, you have no idea how long the travel is or whether she's really elderly.
Don't make MIL do this herself, but leave it until the last possible time, so like the afternoon or evening of her arrival, to see if he overcomes his sickness. Tell her "DH has been sick so your room isn't ready." And then see if he is ashamed enough to get off his butt.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 14:15
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.
+1
+1000. Don't do any more than you absolutely have to. Let his mom deal. She may not mind as much as you think anyway.
I think she’ll mind. We moved a couple of months ago and all of the guest room furniture is still wrapped in moving blankets in a corner of the room and there is protective paper and plastic everywhere where DH was going to start a project in that room. So it’s not accessible or usable even for just sleeping.
His mom, his problem.
Everyone here always talks a big game but I doubt most people would have the guts or cruelty to lead an elderly woman to an unprepared guest room after a long flight just to try to make a point about their DH’s behavior.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 14:13
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:I’d you are going form 6am to midnight, that is your choice not his. Not excusing his behavior, but you can’t use your poor time management in the argument.
Get up, make food, walk dog, get kids to school, work, sports practice, dinner, laundry, more work. That sounds normal to me if there’s only one adult to do meals/dishes/dog walk/bedtime?
My usual day ends at 10 pm and that’s with another adult home. When they’re not home, it could easily go another 90 minutes-2 hours depending on the day of the week.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 13:49
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.
+1
+1000. Don't do any more than you absolutely have to. Let his mom deal. She may not mind as much as you think anyway.
I think she’ll mind. We moved a couple of months ago and all of the guest room furniture is still wrapped in moving blankets in a corner of the room and there is protective paper and plastic everywhere where DH was going to start a project in that room. So it’s not accessible or usable even for just sleeping.
His mom, his problem.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 13:46
Subject: Re:DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
How do these men live with themselves?
Anonymous
05/03/2025 13:26
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
How lazy - what a turn off. Ugh.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 13:25
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
I’d you are going form 6am to midnight, that is your choice not his. Not excusing his behavior, but you can’t use your poor time management in the argument.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 13:21
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Call him out. Tell him you see the pattern that he is conveniently sick whenever he has an adult responsibility to handle and you're not accommodating it any longer. And he needs to cancel his mom's visit because you're not carrying the water for that.
His response was “I can’t help it if I’m sick. You act like it’s my fault.”
It feels like he is using this as an ironclad get-out-of-jail-free card because if I ask a sick person to step up then I’m an inconsiderate jerk.
Reply: “There are levels of sickness. You say your tummy hurts but you don’t have a fever, you aren’t throwing up and you are still eating normally. So be sick and still get shit done. Otherwise you need to go to urgent care right now bc if your abdominal cramps are so bad you are literally bedridden then you might need surgery or something.”
Anonymous
05/03/2025 13:14
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Call him out. Tell him you see the pattern that he is conveniently sick whenever he has an adult responsibility to handle and you're not accommodating it any longer. And he needs to cancel his mom's visit because you're not carrying the water for that.
This. If he's really too sick to do the bare minimum, then he is too sick to be around his mother. So he must call her and cancel. The only solution is to call his bluff, OP. Let his mom experience the behavior of THE SON SHE RAISED.
If he had got off his bum and prepped the guest room before the last minute, this would not be a problem, would it?
No, but even then we’d still be behind. There would still be other commitments he’d made to do this weekend that can’t happen Monday/Tuesday and that can’t be done tomorrow because places are closed, like bulk trash drop-off. His work travel had him departing at 8 am on Sunday so I was the lone adult for half of last weekend, so we have plenty of other things that I couldn’t do alone.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 13:07
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Call him out. Tell him you see the pattern that he is conveniently sick whenever he has an adult responsibility to handle and you're not accommodating it any longer. And he needs to cancel his mom's visit because you're not carrying the water for that.
This. If he's really too sick to do the bare minimum, then he is too sick to be around his mother. So he must call her and cancel. The only solution is to call his bluff, OP. Let his mom experience the behavior of THE SON SHE RAISED.
If he had got off his bum and prepped the guest room before the last minute, this would not be a problem, would it?
Anonymous
05/03/2025 12:57
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Call him out. Tell him you see the pattern that he is conveniently sick whenever he has an adult responsibility to handle and you're not accommodating it any longer. And he needs to cancel his mom's visit because you're not carrying the water for that.
His response was “I can’t help it if I’m sick. You act like it’s my fault.”
It feels like he is using this as an ironclad get-out-of-jail-free card because if I ask a sick person to step up then I’m an inconsiderate jerk.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 12:40
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Call him out. Tell him you see the pattern that he is conveniently sick whenever he has an adult responsibility to handle and you're not accommodating it any longer. And he needs to cancel his mom's visit because you're not carrying the water for that.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 12:38
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.
+1
+1000. Don't do any more than you absolutely have to. Let his mom deal. She may not mind as much as you think anyway.
I think she’ll mind. We moved a couple of months ago and all of the guest room furniture is still wrapped in moving blankets in a corner of the room and there is protective paper and plastic everywhere where DH was going to start a project in that room. So it’s not accessible or usable even for just sleeping.
Anonymous
05/03/2025 12:33
Subject: DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do
Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.
This. 900000%.