Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 16:01     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late twenties. There have been a few divorces and almost everyone we know is in a somewhat unhappy marriage. Many of us are in it for the kids.

After 20 years together, are most relationships just meh?


Yea, and the ones that say the opposite are in denial. Most people remain married because of the kids and the costs of divorce.


Cite?
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 15:41     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:You're in your late 20s and most people are just in it for the kids? what?? Most of my friends hadn't even had kids until late 20s (most were 30).

Married 15 years and we're very happy. Definitely not in it for the kids. We're married despite our kids, lol. Kids are definitely the only hard part of our marriage.


Maybe she lives in flyover country. They get knocked up earlier out there yonder.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 15:40     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I see my spouse as my family. He is less like a romantic figure in my fantasy life. With him I have a bonding similar to what I have with my parents, my siblings, my children. It is a complete acceptance of a family member. I love him and we frequently annoy each other as well. But, all in all - he is home, he is my partner, he has my back and he will never betray me. He will always do the best that he can for me. And vice-a-versa.

35 years of marriage. 5 years of dating. 40 years together. Our love has become deeper, more precious, more forgiving. Yes, the excitement of infatuation of early years have dissipated. What we have now is a calm joy, the comfort, familiarity and relief of having each other, the upmost faith in each other. It is the nearest thing of being close to God and we have the utmost gratitude for being so blessed.


That's a really good way to frame it.


That’s really lovely. Makes me want to try taking the leap after a divorce one day, because being with my ex never felt like this! I have asked therapists, “what should it feel like?” and there are so many over the top romantic portrayals and also negative portrayals. It’s great you have each other.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 14:56     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Married 28 years this summer - like PPs have said, mid career & young children meant hard times & now that we have made it through together, we are inseparable & very excited for next stage of our marriage once last child off to college in fall. Hard work + luck = incredibly fortunate to have a strong marriage. Not at all meh.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 14:51     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late twenties. There have been a few divorces and almost everyone we know is in a somewhat unhappy marriage. Many of us are in it for the kids.

After 20 years together, are most relationships just meh?


Yea, and the ones that say the opposite are in denial. Most people remain married because of the kids and the costs of divorce.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 14:42     Subject: Re:Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Most people I know have good marriages. Of course, hard to know if they are putting up a front or something, so I can only really speak for myself. As for me, I’ve been with my husband over 35 years and couldn’t be happier. I am thankful every day that he is in my life.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 14:30     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:You're in your late 20s and most people are just in it for the kids? what?? Most of my friends hadn't even had kids until late 20s (most were 30).

Married 15 years and we're very happy. Definitely not in it for the kids. We're married despite our kids, lol. Kids are definitely the only hard part of our marriage.


It was a typo. I’m in my late 40s, not late 20s.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 14:14     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:You're in your late 20s and most people are just in it for the kids? what?? Most of my friends hadn't even had kids until late 20s (most were 30).

Married 15 years and we're very happy. Definitely not in it for the kids. We're married despite our kids, lol. Kids are definitely the only hard part of our marriage.


This were you a teenage mother?
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 14:13     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:I see my spouse as my family. He is less like a romantic figure in my fantasy life. With him I have a bonding similar to what I have with my parents, my siblings, my children. It is a complete acceptance of a family member. I love him and we frequently annoy each other as well. But, all in all - he is home, he is my partner, he has my back and he will never betray me. He will always do the best that he can for me. And vice-a-versa.

35 years of marriage. 5 years of dating. 40 years together. Our love has become deeper, more precious, more forgiving. Yes, the excitement of infatuation of early years have dissipated. What we have now is a calm joy, the comfort, familiarity and relief of having each other, the upmost faith in each other. It is the nearest thing of being close to God and we have the utmost gratitude for being so blessed.


That's a really good way to frame it.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 14:02     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
I see my spouse as my family. He is less like a romantic figure in my fantasy life. With him I have a bonding similar to what I have with my parents, my siblings, my children. It is a complete acceptance of a family member. I love him and we frequently annoy each other as well. But, all in all - he is home, he is my partner, he has my back and he will never betray me. He will always do the best that he can for me. And vice-a-versa.

35 years of marriage. 5 years of dating. 40 years together. Our love has become deeper, more precious, more forgiving. Yes, the excitement of infatuation of early years have dissipated. What we have now is a calm joy, the comfort, familiarity and relief of having each other, the upmost faith in each other. It is the nearest thing of being close to God and we have the utmost gratitude for being so blessed.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 13:59     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
I've been married for 13 years and I wouldn’t use the word blah at all.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 13:58     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:We're married 14 years as of next month and I wouldn't use the word blah. I enjoy my life with my husband more than I expected I could. We have our issues, some very serious some less so. But he loves me unconditionally, we have a lot of fun together, and I am very grateful for the life we share.


^ We don't have the highs and lows I experienced in other relationships, if that's what you're asking. Thankfully it's very even keel.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 13:57     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
We're married 14 years as of next month and I wouldn't use the word blah. I enjoy my life with my husband more than I expected I could. We have our issues, some very serious some less so. But he loves me unconditionally, we have a lot of fun together, and I am very grateful for the life we share.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 13:51     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Anonymous wrote:Not mine. 16 years. Lots of ups and downs.

+1 at 24yrs and it's ups for years, downs for years, ups for years. I don't want to consider any downs to come but I think they will. Hopefully, they'll be for shorter periods.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2025 13:44     Subject: Are most marriages just meh after 10-20 years?
Looking at the long term marriages in my family, they are not blah after 10-20 years. All 4 of our grandparents were very happily married, same as our parents. DH and I also have a happy marriage. Divorce has never even crossed our minds and we very rarely argue.