Is it about wanting the Doritos or is it about wanting to go do something cool like buy your own junk at the store? If its about wanting Doritos, just buy a big box of the small snack bags and let her have one every day. If its about the freedom of being cool and buying her own junk, give her an allowance and limit it to that allowance amount. And lock the cash up, she's stealing because it's easy and probably doesn't even consider it stealing.

Anonymous wrote:Any other stories of kids while stole but then grew out of it?

I used to steal from around 1st/2nd grade through high school. Then I just stopped. I decided that I wanted to be honest and live an ethical life. Now as an adult I have a strong moral code against stealing. I did grow up without as much family money as some of my peers. I think it helps that I can afford a modest life now and am mostly satisfied. Not sure what clicked in my brain to make it stop. Maybe basic maturity?

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a 10 year old go to the store alone?

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Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a 10 year old go to the store alone?

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I think at age 10, you have to start thinking about how to let go of some of the control. In middle school, you essentially won’t have any. You have to hope that you have instilled enough good habits that she is getting good nutrition along with eating some junk.

I do still remind my middle schooler from time to time to eat some protein and fruit before she eats junk. The meals we prepare are healthy and we don’t keep soda in the house. But, I really cannot control what is happening at school. All these kids are sharing and trading food. They are eating junk when they stay after school for the basketball game, etc.

I also encourage social stuff that allows her to roam and learn independence. So, I’m fine with her walking on Fridays after school to an area where they can get bubble tea, etc. And I’m fine with her going to the mall to roam with a couple of other girls on Saturday where they eat at the food court and get Starbucks.

You have to start to value independence which includes making some bad choices. For example, we took some middle school girls to our beach house and apparently they all brought a ton of candy to share. One girl ate so much junk, she threw up. I honestly think all five of the girls learned a lesson that night about moderation.

If I was ok with my kid walking to the store to get a snack, I wouldn’t police the snack. I would give her a set amount of money to take. Frankly, I’m not sure what you even think would be that healthy at a CVS. But, in my case, at age 10, I would probably remind her to make sure she at both a fruit and a vegetable with dinner. But, assuming a small pack of Doritos (and not two party size bags), I would let this go.

She will start shoplifting. Let her have the effing Doritos. Are her meals all low sodium?

Any other stories of kids while stole but then grew out of it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a 10 year old go to the store alone?

Please be quiet. A 10 year old is beyond capable of going to a CVS alone to buy a snack. Go read The Anxious Generation.

A ten year old is too young. Look at this situation.

Op here. To answer an earlier question she’s stealing to buy Dorito’s. On other days she eats a well balanced meal, usually something she had input on.

Anonymous wrote:Stealing???

The very first time it happened, I would have walked her back into CVS, called the manager over and made her give back the stolen item and apologize. And I would have told CVS to call the cops if it happened again. If she'd eaten any of the food product, she would have had to pay the manager for it and also return it.

True story- we did this to our 5 year old, who has been on the straight and narrow since. The dumb manager was like "oh it's okay little boy, you can keep it." I told him he was aiding a criminal and I'd report him to the cops too, lol. He then took a firmer stance and told my son he shouldn't steal.

She’s stealing from her parents and using the money to purchase things legally.

What is her reaction when she is caught?

My DC went through a stealing phase (although of course we didn’t know it was a “phase” at the time) of sneaking gum in his pockets at checkout. It happened 3 times. Each time, he broke out in tears and was remorseful when caught. It was an impulse thing. He had to go back to the store, apologize, and come home to do chores to pay us back for having to buy the gum.

Maybe chores for your daughter to pay you back would be a good consequence.

Later - after a period of no stealing - I’d institute a small allowance so that she can use her own money for snacks. Right now, the stealing is a bigger issue than snacks.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Responding to PP. I have a nutrition background as well and health and wellness are important to me. I try to be balanced. I recognize we live in an unhealthy food culture so nothing will be perfect. So I’ve tried for a middle road of allowing junk 3-4 times a week.

I guess I could consider lifting any restrictions. I am concerned about the precedence this sets. I don’t want her to learn that she can act out in order to have rules lifted.

What do you consider junk? What do you eat the other days?

Stealing???

The very first time it happened, I would have walked her back into CVS, called the manager over and made her give back the stolen item and apologize. And I would have told CVS to call the cops if it happened again. If she'd eaten any of the food product, she would have had to pay the manager for it and also return it.

True story- we did this to our 5 year old, who has been on the straight and narrow since. The dumb manager was like "oh it's okay little boy, you can keep it." I told him he was aiding a criminal and I'd report him to the cops too, lol. He then took a firmer stance and told my son he shouldn't steal.