Isn’t every wedding a destination? Most people have weddings in home towns or places with family their friends have to travel to.

Anonymous wrote:Did not attend friend's destination wedding in Thailand. It was the right call financially but unfortunately has led to a bit of a chill from the bride.

In my experience, even with some weddings I did attend, there was a chill from the bride after. It was disorienting until I got older and had some perspective. For some people a wedding is the completion of a phase of their life, and they leave that phase and those friends behind when they settle with a partner, new ILs, and a new house and friends. I sometimes feel sad that a few of these friendships sunsetted but the things we had in common like going out dancing or staying up all night talking about dates and parties or going to a park to read all afternoon aren’t really things we would still be doing in our 40s. So we had more a phase in life in common vs. actual stuff in common.

I’d rather go to a real destination than some of the difficult-to-get-to weddings we spent a fortune on in my 20s and 30s.

I have been invited to multiple but never been able to afford to attend.

Did not attend friend's destination wedding in Thailand. It was the right call financially but unfortunately has led to a bit of a chill from the bride.

My uncle’s wedding in Jamaica was beautiful. It was small and family only, and we had a great time. Now that I’ll be an empty nester soon, I’d attend one again.

Feel absolutely no obligation to go, as they have intentionally made it inconvenient and hence don't care if guests attend.

If it happened to fit with my vacation plans, timing, destination I wanted to go to, then maybe. But part of what makes weddings fun is other friends and family you see there so I would also be less interested if others weren't coming due to the location.

This. I didn't go to one mainly because people I thought might go (and I would have liked to see) were not attending. I also would have needed to take vacation time from my job and that was going to be an issue (outside of the cost of attending). I was also unhappy because the destination made it impossible for the elderly grandfather of the groom to attend. That was selfish IMO.

Feel absolutely no obligation to go, as they have intentionally made it inconvenient and hence don't care if guests attend.

If it happened to fit with my vacation plans, timing, destination I wanted to go to, then maybe. But part of what makes weddings fun is other friends and family you see there so I would also be less interested if others weren't coming due to the location.

Attendance is optional, so exercise the option and don't go. Problem solved.

that said, it does seem self-indulgent, presumptuous, and demanding, assuming the couple actually want their attendees to show up to celebrate with them. It's also tone-deaf and inconsiderate, if any invitees are financially, professionally, or personally unlikely to be able to attend even if they wanted to.

Anonymous wrote:As a 20-something I probably would have foolishly assumed that people would be into them. Now, I would be so embarrassed to think that people would want to spend precious time off and tons of money just to celebrate me. Sure, they can decline, but it’s presumptuous to even invite. Unless all of your closest friends and family are fabulously wealthy, don’t do it.

This.

Stupid and selfish.

Anonymous wrote:The father of the bride pays for the airfare and hotel so I live them.

Yeah, no he doesn’t usually.

Aren’t most wedding destination weddings? I mean I know that’s not the point, but when you have to cross state lines to attend it is a destination to me.

You know that people have these in part to have a smaller wedding without having to snub people. They want a certain number of decline responses, so feel free to give them what they want. But getting angry about their decision — not a good look. If you’re a parent and feel super obligated to go but can’t sweat the childcare or other expenses, leave your spouse/partner at home to watch the kiddies. But never complain, never explain.

Tacky and selfish. I never attend, I'm not rich.