Training for a race is not “basic facts”. New job isn’t even necessarily “basic facts” unless it’s relevant to your friend group (like in a different direction so you’re not able to make it to the regular meeting anymore because you have no ride anymore).

He doesn’t want your friend group knowing he came last in a race that isn’t their business.

Team DH.

Anonymous wrote:When people get crabby and nasty like this my mind goes to depression. Sometimes people don’t even realize they’re depressed

My DH is exactly like this and it's not even a true introvert thing, it's depression and social anxiety.

When people get crabby and nasty like this my mind goes to depression. Sometimes people don’t even realize they’re depressed

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to talk about him in any meaningful way with your friends? Just deflect with platitudes and move on. I wouldn’t be a fan of my spouse sharing my personal info with his friend group, either.

"What does Larlo do for a living?" "That's classified information I am not permitted to share." You don't see any problem with this?

Why do you have to talk about him in any meaningful way with your friends? Just deflect with platitudes and move on. I wouldn’t be a fan of my spouse sharing my personal info with his friend group, either.

He doesn't seem to understand what friendships are like or respect you. Maybe work with a mediator to come up with some ground rules for this issue. Maybe if there are some rules, he will stop feeling threatened here.

Have you told him all this OP? From my perspective you’re doing a lot to
compromise and address his needs but he’s not doing his fair share. You’re married. You shouldn’t have to give up dinner parties completely. It is unrealistic that you wouldn’t share basic info about him to friends. Frankly, he’s being an ass.

If it was me I’d directly ask, “are you still committed to this marriage?”, “I have needs too”, “you are not treating me with respect and that is hurting our marriage”. Sometimes a frank discussion can catch things before they spiral. Point out to him that the expectations he has and the way he’s acting is hurting the marriage. It sounds to me like he’s stewing a bit and is annoyed by you, but maybe doesn’t realize that feeding that is going to eventually wreck the marriage. If you point that out, he may shift his attitude.

Also it really does sound like he’s treating you with contempt. Don’t let him! That just breeds more contempt. Stand your ground.

It will only get worse. You should divorce now before it is too late. Leave him alone in his miserable and boring life. You are more fun and you deserve better.

I don't think therapy will help him and he doesn't sound depressed. He sounds like my ex so I'm applying my own lens to what you shared. I'm an extrovert. My ex is an introvert. Your dh is isolating you. No I don't think it's conscious on his part. He sounds like a classic covert narcissist. They hide behind a facade of introversion but their end game is control. You know something isn't right. Like your relationship, mine was fairly low conflict most of the time, except when it wasn't. How does your dh react to criticism (from anyone not just you?) Does he accept responsibility or is someone/something else always to blame? I think you should start with therapy for yourself. I thought my dh was a saint who put up with me. Everyone told me he was a saint. Good manners in public don't a saint make.

How do you refrain from picking fights right back at him? He seems comfortable living like a recluse and staying inside like a mole. I am curious if he works in an office and how he presents himself in that environment.

This does not sound low conflict.

Just because there’s no yelling doesn’t make it a peaceful environment. My ex was like this. He would seethe. The whole house was tense because of his brooding. It was like the lights came on after he left.

Sorry OP. He sounds miserable. You deserve better.