Even standing in public bathrooms is disgusting so she isn't wrong.

I think a lot of students avoid using the toilets at school. Being a guy peeing was ok as I could use the urinals, but I refused to use the cubicles to poop.

Ask her what is wrong with the bathroom - when mine was in elementary school, she had a similar incident because the bathrooms were so dirty, a group of girls who were bullies hung out in there at lunch, and kids would stick their heads over and under the stalls and laugh at the person going to the bathroom. No teacher supervision whatsoever.

Teachers also routinely denied permission to use the bathroom during class, when things might be quieter.

It’s likely this is not just her issue. For us, it was a symptom of the larger discipline issues with our school pyramid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't she in therapy?

She doesn’t need therapy. I’m the PP who posted about being an adult and not using public bathrooms. She was just unfortunate. Tell her not to drink water in the afternoon that will help. I can count the number of times I used the bathroom at school.

+1

+2. She doesn’t need a shrink. This is a “natural consequences” scenario; she now knows that even if using the school bathroom sucks, the alternatives are worse. At this age, while embarassing, the accident should blow over. i wouldn’t make a big deal of it unless it happens again. Kids are all crazy in some ways; they grow out of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't she in therapy?

She doesn’t need therapy. I’m the PP who posted about being an adult and not using public bathrooms. She was just unfortunate. Tell her not to drink water in the afternoon that will help. I can count the number of times I used the bathroom at school.

+1

I had this issue with DS for a while. We did our own CBT by making it a point to use the public bathroom whenever we were out and about, no matter if they were gross or had super loud flushes. He still is reluctant to go in public places, but Will and school is no longer an issue.

Maybe start by reaching out to the nurse or guidance counselor, because often they have their own restrooms which she could use and they are generally quiet and clean. You could also tell her to use the bathroom shortly before lunch or just before school is out when other kids are less likely to be using it too. Eventually she will come around. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She needs to figure this out before middle school.

My son refuses to use the bathroom in middle school. He will be done in two months. He races home to use the bathroom. Public school bathrooms are disgusting.

I am 48 and was the same way in elementary and middle school. Getting my period was AWFUL. There is no pad in the world that can hold 7 hours of bodily fluid. The bathrooms are absolutely FILTHY and there were often people in there smoking, which triggered my asthma and headaches.

I get it. School bathrooms are gross and most kids hate them. But you know what is worse than using a middle school bathroom? Peeing your pants on the bus. Now she knows. OP, I am pretty certain her refusal to use the school bathroom has ended today.

Yeah, I was like your daughter and had an accident. Never happened again. I still avoid public bathrooms when possible, but have learned my limits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She needs to figure this out before middle school.

My son refuses to use the bathroom in middle school. He will be done in two months. He races home to use the bathroom. Public school bathrooms are disgusting.

I am 48 and was the same way in elementary and middle school. Getting my period was AWFUL. There is no pad in the world that can hold 7 hours of bodily fluid. The bathrooms are absolutely FILTHY and there were often people in there smoking, which triggered my asthma and headaches.

I get it. School bathrooms are gross and most kids hate them. But you know what is worse than using a middle school bathroom? Peeing your pants on the bus. Now she knows. OP, I am pretty certain her refusal to use the school bathroom has ended today.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't she in therapy?

She doesn’t need therapy. I’m the PP who posted about being an adult and not using public bathrooms. She was just unfortunate. Tell her not to drink water in the afternoon that will help. I can count the number of times I used the bathroom at school.

Yes she does. Unless she becomes a hermit, she's going to need to use the bathroom in public during her lifetime.

Agree she needs therapy. Assuming she goes to college is she going to hold it for an entire semester?

Talk with her doctor the next time you go. There are negative effects from holding it all day, such as bladder dysfunction and kidney problems. If she didn’t learn from this experience, you need to intervene.

If the school bathrooms are dirty, address that issue with school administration.
Put them in their place and have them clean their act up. You are paying for that school with your taxes.

If she's a germaphobe, get some toilet seat covers to keep in her backpack, or tell her to learn to hover-pee without sitting down on the toilet. In much of Asia they don't have toilets you sit on but squat over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't she in therapy?

She doesn’t need therapy. I’m the PP who posted about being an adult and not using public bathrooms. She was just unfortunate. Tell her not to drink water in the afternoon that will help. I can count the number of times I used the bathroom at school.

Yes she does. Unless she becomes a hermit, she's going to need to use the bathroom in public during her lifetime.

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't she in therapy?

She doesn’t need therapy. I’m the PP who posted about being an adult and not using public bathrooms. She was just unfortunate. Tell her not to drink water in the afternoon that will help. I can count the number of times I used the bathroom at school.

I am like this as an adult. I hate public bathrooms and also hated school bathrooms. Luckily I never had an accident but did come close. For me it’s a bit psychological, if I see an unclean bathroom or think it may be dirty the desire to go just evaporates. Even though I know it’s bad for the bladder to hold for long periods, I’ll hold unless I find a clean bathroom.

Are boys allowed in her girls’ bathroom?