We really like our DIL's parents, although we only see them once or twice a year max. They live in a different state and often invite us to their house if DS/DIL are visiting them. They also have an extended family, which we don't have, where they live, so it's been nice getting to know some of them as well.

If we didn't all get along, it would be a different situation and I'm sure we'd come up with reasons why we can't make the trip to visit them (or vice versa).

Anonymous wrote:I must be an oddball because everyone in my family knows everyone. We not only socialize & share holidays regularly, we are part of each others lives. Once you become family you are family for life.
10 years after my divorce I took in my X-FiLs youngest D during her last year of school when he was unable to. She brought home a friend to visit with that summer. Its been 20 yrs now & that friend is still in our life & is welcome anytime. I can't imagine living any other way.

But you like them, right?

My wife's family collects people... her aunt married a guy who was a sack of shit, who had two young boys -- she adopted them, and after they got divorced and his alcoholism got worse, she took the two boys in. Then she married another guy, who was nice, but not marriage material, divorced him -- he and his new wife became regulars at family events. Second husband died in a car accident, new wife and her new husband (15 years after the other guy's death) are now part of the family gatherings at Christmas. The two boys are now in their 50s and the older of the two got married, and his in-laws from Puerto Rico now also attend Christmas. It's great.

BUT... there are also tons of people who didn't make the cut. The ones who did are genuinely likeable people who fit in, and so they stay.

It's great, but there's also no reason you should ever feel obligated to have a relationship with people you don't know or have anything in common with. There are enough blood relatives to do that with.

My DS and his now wife met in graduate school. The DIL was from where we live. Now that they are married, and we all live in the same town, they sometimes host a holiday and we will all be there. We are all friendly and I like all of them. It’s not a hardship.

My parents and my in-laws are on friendly terms...keep in mind, my spouse and I grew up in the same small town and my Mom and their Dad went to HS together, so they have know each other for well over 60 years...they weren't in the same social circle go, so they weren't doing things outside of our family stuff.

My parents and my sister's in-laws share a similar relationship. Will see each other at events that bring them together, but aren't actively seeking each other out to do things together.

I think all the in-laws only interacted in person like 3 times in their lives.

I come from a large family (vs my spouse's small family), so our in-laws were nearly 20 years difference in age.

It's like a different universe if you turned 18 in 1947 vs. 1967, so not like they have much in common. Everyone perfectly polite.

Anonymous wrote:Wow they have no shame. My parents and IL’s would socialize at our house on holidays. Tell your son that his wife’s parents’ house is gross and if they want you all to get together, they need to host everyone.

Do not yell them their house is gross! It is mean

Thanks all. And to clarify, I meant daughter in law and son in law. Should not have used SIL as some took it to mean sister in law.

We will do our part to maintain a good relationship for our dc. Was just curious how this relationship plays out in other families and where we land on the continuum. Again, thank you for your stories.

Just be kind to each other when you meet, no reason to host or visit ILs of kids or siblings if you don't want to. Hosting of any kind is stressful.

My kid's ILs always invite us to restaurants whenever we are in their town. We haven't been to their house even once and we've known them for last five years. They are both academics, don't cook much and keep a messy house. We don't care as they are really nice otherwise.

A lot of people only meet their adult children's inlaws at their rehearsal dinner and then at grandkids graduation.

I must be an oddball because everyone in my family knows everyone. We not only socialize & share holidays regularly, we are part of each others lives. Once you become family you are family for life.
10 years after my divorce I took in my X-FiLs youngest D during her last year of school when he was unable to. She brought home a friend to visit with that summer. Its been 20 yrs now & that friend is still in our life & is welcome anytime. I can't imagine living any other way.

Wow they have no shame. My parents and IL’s would socialize at our house on holidays. Tell your son that his wife’s parents’ house is gross and if they want you all to get together, they need to host everyone.

SIL - yes. Her parents had her young, and I am much older than my brother, so I am actually closer in age/ generationally to my SIL’s parents than to her. Plus I knew them before my brother and SIL started dating.

DIL’s parents - I would be friendly, but they live overseas and I see them at most once a year. Plus there is a bit of a language and cultural barrier.

Anonymous wrote:Its can be awkward or uncomfortable for grandkids to know one set of their grandparents dislike other.

Yep, that was my husband’s story - feuding families, his aunt (father’s sister) not talking to his mother, etc. Not cool.

My parents and my husband’s parents are friendly but live far away from each other and they are both far away from us too so we all see each other rarely. My MIL and FIL once stayed w my parents on a road trip. We weren’t there. I think they had fun together.

But it’s certainly not necessary. if you really don’t like them, I wouldn’t but if they’re pleasant enough, I’d do it. Your adult kids and grandkids probably benefit somewhat from a harmonious relationship between all the grandparents. Just meet at a neutral place and keep the visits short