Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 16:58     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:There are pros and cons to every school. It does not need to be a love affair. If he hasn't gone through a pro and con list for each college, he should.


+ 1. I liked my college, didn’t necessarily love it. But I still had a hard time after graduation adjusting to the real world. If I was at one of these fabulous, party schools, I’d have had a more difficult transition.

My son is almost done with his sophomore year of college. The college school year flies by; there are breaks and the long stretch between fall and spring semester. I just feel I spent more time wondering where he would go to college and if he’d be happy and it goes by so quickly. He likes his college. Not in love with it but he (& us) won’t be debt and he will hopefully have a marketable degree when he graduates.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 16:04     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My dd was not thrilled about the "best" school she got into which is a free ride, high rank...she just had it in her mind she would hate it. We visited again and she came around. Is she 100% in love? No. Is she rationally considering that this is going to be very good for her in terms of opportunities? Yes. And the deal was sweetened by excellent living conditions thanks to the low cost, plus ample ability for us to help her with whatever she decides to do during summers.

+1 DC was not excited about the state flagship. They had super high stats and thought they could get into T10 and wanted to be around super smart people like them. Well, it turns out that there are enough super smart people at the state flagship, a few even smarter than DC, and they also got shut out of T10.

They aren't super happy there, but they are happy enough. They got merit aid, and with all the credits going in they are dual majoring with a plus one masters. So, they will graduate with three degrees for under $120K. They will have money left over in their 529 which we will contribute to their roth.

They had some good internships, too. DC said they are pretty happy with the outcome.

DC is pretty responsible and level headed, and understands that ROI is important for our family because we don't come from family money. I'm super proud of the adult that DC has become.


Yours is a bit different as YOU HAVE the money and your child didn't get in, which is silly to only look at the top 10 and complain he was shut out. He wasn't shut out. He wasn't accepted.

? The ^PP stated "My dd was not thrilled about the "best" school she got into which is a free ride, high rank" -- that was a similar situation to my kid.

"Shut out" = didn't get into top schools even though they have top stats. What else does "shut out" mean in the context of college admissions?
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 16:02     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Welcome to adulthood. Sounds like he’s on the right track and thinking maturely about it. That said I went to my fifth choice…didn’t get into a couple and two didn’t give me aid. And it all worked out - life is long. Go in with a positive attitude, meet people, and work hard and it will be a positive experience. Imo we worship which college you went to too much in this area.

+1 my 16 yr old said, "Adulting sounds hard." Indeed, it is. You have to make hard life choices.


Except I think many kids here are SO lucky because their version of adulting is just slightly sub-preferential choices and still so much parental support. Personally had no choice, no money, and worked through college and didn't have much fun due to no money. My kids have it so good, I don't even think they realize it.

PP here. 100% agree. I was in the same boat - worked my way through college. My kids know that they are luckier than I was and compared to most other kids. They don't have to worry about paying for college.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 15:52     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This issue is so individualized that no one can give you advice but your DS has to think it through. Many kids choose community college for the first two years living at home then transfer to an in-state.

Community college would be the wisest option for most.


He’s well positioned to do this with a lot of AP and honors duel enrollment courses all straight As and 5s. He would only need a year and not even need to take a full load. He’s worried about being a transfer student as a junior and not making friends, being part of the community, clubs etc. He’s very tempted about saving the money with this path but then he thinks he’ll be lonely. If he just focuses on getting his degree and getting out, he’ll graduate college before he’s 21. He’s not a drinker but a worrier. He’s worried he’ll be too young to get impactful opportunities.


Don't do this. My parents forced me to a small school they wanted, I did not. I transfered Sophmore year. It was very hard.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 15:51     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My dd was not thrilled about the "best" school she got into which is a free ride, high rank...she just had it in her mind she would hate it. We visited again and she came around. Is she 100% in love? No. Is she rationally considering that this is going to be very good for her in terms of opportunities? Yes. And the deal was sweetened by excellent living conditions thanks to the low cost, plus ample ability for us to help her with whatever she decides to do during summers.

+1 DC was not excited about the state flagship. They had super high stats and thought they could get into T10 and wanted to be around super smart people like them. Well, it turns out that there are enough super smart people at the state flagship, a few even smarter than DC, and they also got shut out of T10.

They aren't super happy there, but they are happy enough. They got merit aid, and with all the credits going in they are dual majoring with a plus one masters. So, they will graduate with three degrees for under $120K. They will have money left over in their 529 which we will contribute to their roth.

They had some good internships, too. DC said they are pretty happy with the outcome.

DC is pretty responsible and level headed, and understands that ROI is important for our family because we don't come from family money. I'm super proud of the adult that DC has become.


Yours is a bit different as YOU HAVE the money and your child didn't get in, which is silly to only look at the top 10 and complain he was shut out. He wasn't shut out. He wasn't accepted.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 15:50     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This issue is so individualized that no one can give you advice but your DS has to think it through. Many kids choose community college for the first two years living at home then transfer to an in-state.


And others' experience at community college, good or bad, is not directly applicable to your DS. No man ever steps in the same river twice, they have not experienced both to make a comparison. Every one fares differently from a same origin.


My husband did community college and another small unknown college while working. Not the same experience and this family can afford college.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 15:47     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Welcome to adulthood. Sounds like he’s on the right track and thinking maturely about it. That said I went to my fifth choice…didn’t get into a couple and two didn’t give me aid. And it all worked out - life is long. Go in with a positive attitude, meet people, and work hard and it will be a positive experience. Imo we worship which college you went to too much in this area.

+1 my 16 yr old said, "Adulting sounds hard." Indeed, it is. You have to make hard life choices.


Except I think many kids here are SO lucky because their version of adulting is just slightly sub-preferential choices and still so much parental support. Personally had no choice, no money, and worked through college and didn't have much fun due to no money. My kids have it so good, I don't even think they realize it.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 15:43     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:My dd was not thrilled about the "best" school she got into which is a free ride, high rank...she just had it in her mind she would hate it. We visited again and she came around. Is she 100% in love? No. Is she rationally considering that this is going to be very good for her in terms of opportunities? Yes. And the deal was sweetened by excellent living conditions thanks to the low cost, plus ample ability for us to help her with whatever she decides to do during summers.

+1 DC was not excited about the state flagship. They had super high stats and thought they could get into T10 and wanted to be around super smart people like them. Well, it turns out that there are enough super smart people at the state flagship, a few even smarter than DC, and they also got shut out of T10.

They aren't super happy there, but they are happy enough. They got merit aid, and with all the credits going in they are dual majoring with a plus one masters. So, they will graduate with three degrees for under $120K. They will have money left over in their 529 which we will contribute to their roth.

They had some good internships, too. DC said they are pretty happy with the outcome.

DC is pretty responsible and level headed, and understands that ROI is important for our family because we don't come from family money. I'm super proud of the adult that DC has become.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 15:33     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:Welcome to adulthood. Sounds like he’s on the right track and thinking maturely about it. That said I went to my fifth choice…didn’t get into a couple and two didn’t give me aid. And it all worked out - life is long. Go in with a positive attitude, meet people, and work hard and it will be a positive experience. Imo we worship which college you went to too much in this area.

+1 my 16 yr old said, "Adulting sounds hard." Indeed, it is. You have to make hard life choices.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 15:32     Subject: How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Anonymous wrote:In my experience, almost all students find the college is not what they imagined. But it’s a means to an end, and teaches coping skills.

+1 it's 4 years. What you do in those 4 years is up to them. The outcome of those 4 years is what matters.

Can he get a good education and internship there? What are the job prospects? If the answers to those questions are positive, he needs to buck up and deal with it.

My DC is going to have to go through the same situation. We are not made of money. Their choices are limited. They aren't doing all that much to get good merit, so they have to play the cards they get dealt, and that will mostly mean going to the blah state school.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2025 15:20     Subject: Re:How bad is it to go to college you don’t really like?
Lit my fire such that when I got to a top, top grad school, I completely outperformed the students who I perceived as having gone to the “right” places. Who knows in actuality, they all could have been struggling with where they landed too!