Anonymous
04/10/2025 22:08
Subject: Re:Child Struggling in College
He is a business major. It is the closest fit to things he might be interested in. But so far nothing really interests him so I think he needs his head in a place to find his interests before he moves majors.
I can’t be his EF coach because he is in college. I got him a tutor and he is using his therapist to help him find apps, etc. But getting him to sign on to things is difficult because pushing too much hurts his self esteem. And why did it take this long? He hides things well and if you press him, he would clam up. He had straight As, a job, friends. When I saw it going off the rails, I forced a therapist on him and he just BSed the guy into thinking everything was fine and he didn’t need anyone.
I am going to try to get his dx and work to get him tested. I am not worried about internships now. I would like him to have a job this summer to have structure, because without it, he wants to escape and ends up on video games all day.
I can’t be his EF coach because he is in college. I got him a tutor and he is using his therapist to help him find apps, etc. But getting him to sign on to things is difficult because pushing too much hurts his self esteem. And why did it take this long? He hides things well and if you press him, he would clam up. He had straight As, a job, friends. When I saw it going off the rails, I forced a therapist on him and he just BSed the guy into thinking everything was fine and he didn’t need anyone.
I am going to try to get his dx and work to get him tested. I am not worried about internships now. I would like him to have a job this summer to have structure, because without it, he wants to escape and ends up on video games all day.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 21:11
Subject: Child Struggling in College
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Here’s an exhaustive list of trades commonly taught in trade schools:
Automotive Technology
Auto Body Repair
Electrical Trades
Plumbing
HVAC
Welding
Carpentry
Construction Management
Masonry
Roofing
Heavy Equipment Operation
Culinary Arts
Baking and Pastry
Cosmetology
Barbering
Nail Technology
Esthetics (Skincare)
Medical Assisting
Dental Assisting
Pharmacy Technician
Medical Coding and Billing
Phlebotomy
Surgical Technology
Veterinary Assisting
Information Technology (IT)
Computer Networking
Cybersecurity
Machining
CNC Programming
Tool and Die Making
Manufacturing Technology
Commercial Truck Driving (CDL)
Logistics and Supply Chain
Graphic Design
Web Design
Video Production
Animation
Aviation Maintenance
Aircraft Dispatch
Diesel Mechanics
Motorcycle Repair
Marine Mechanics
Refrigeration Technology
Locksmithing
Gunsmithing
Jewelry Making
Upholstery
Landscaping
Horticulture
Forestry Technician
Wind Turbine Technology
Solar Energy Technology
Pipefitting
Boilermaking
Ironworking
Sheet Metal Work
Elevator Installation and Repair
Firefighting Technology
Emergency Medical Technician (EMT)
Paralegal Studies
Court Reporting
Interior Design
Fashion Design
Tailoring
Photography
Sound Engineering
Broadcasting
Robotics Technology
Industrial Maintenance
Biomedical Equipment Repair
Where are these tradeschools in the DMV for people that aren't DEI hires or in poverty?
+1 NoVA is a difficult place to be for the trades
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:45
Subject: Child Struggling in College
What is his major? Is it possible it’s a square peg round hole situation and it’s just not right for him?
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:37
Subject: Child Struggling in College
Anonymous wrote:Here’s an exhaustive list of trades commonly taught in trade schools:
Automotive Technology
Auto Body Repair
Electrical Trades
Plumbing
HVAC
Welding
Carpentry
Construction Management
Masonry
Roofing
Heavy Equipment Operation
Culinary Arts
Baking and Pastry
Cosmetology
Barbering
Nail Technology
Esthetics (Skincare)
Medical Assisting
Dental Assisting
Pharmacy Technician
Medical Coding and Billing
Phlebotomy
Surgical Technology
Veterinary Assisting
Information Technology (IT)
Computer Networking
Cybersecurity
Machining
CNC Programming
Tool and Die Making
Manufacturing Technology
Commercial Truck Driving (CDL)
Logistics and Supply Chain
Graphic Design
Web Design
Video Production
Animation
Aviation Maintenance
Aircraft Dispatch
Diesel Mechanics
Motorcycle Repair
Marine Mechanics
Refrigeration Technology
Locksmithing
Gunsmithing
Jewelry Making
Upholstery
Landscaping
Horticulture
Forestry Technician
Wind Turbine Technology
Solar Energy Technology
Pipefitting
Boilermaking
Ironworking
Sheet Metal Work
Elevator Installation and Repair
Firefighting Technology
Emergency Medical Technician (EMT)
Paralegal Studies
Court Reporting
Interior Design
Fashion Design
Tailoring
Photography
Sound Engineering
Broadcasting
Robotics Technology
Industrial Maintenance
Biomedical Equipment Repair
Where are these tradeschools in the DMV for people that aren't DEI hires or in poverty?
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:34
Subject: Child Struggling in College
If you are not willing (or he is not willing) to accept you as continuing to be his EF coach, you need to hire someone else to do it
Anonymous
04/10/2025 18:20
Subject: Child Struggling in College
A degree with a 3.0 GPA is a degree. Trade school is a ridiculous idea. I don't think they would thrive there. At least now he's kind of average. In trade school, may be below average
Anonymous
04/10/2025 17:56
Subject: Child Struggling in College
Anonymous wrote:I agree with those above who said that academics are the least of the worries right now. He can stay at his school and do well enough. Doesn’t need an internship freshman year. It sounds like what he needs is time and space to process the changes in the family, gain some independence, and find his own way. No pressure to get an internship or worry about getting a job years down the road.
what is his major?
Most students don't get internships after freshman year, especially this year. It's super tough.
My DC is a dual math/CS major at UMD - straight As, and they had a hard time finding something freshman summer.
I would not worry about internships right now. Agree that he should focus on his mental health. DC knows a few kids who have subpar 3.0 gpa.
My DD has anxiety, especially test anxiety. But she is not 18, so we can get dx details, and psychiatrist put DD on low dose meds. We've also found some anxiety triggers and are trying to address that. Easier to deal with DD medical issues since she's not 18 yet.
GL to your son.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 17:37
Subject: Child Struggling in College
Anonymous wrote:
Can you try trade school? Doesn’t seem college is the best.
That could be tougher. Most colleges coddle kids now and pass 98% of students regardless of their academic performance.
Trade schools on the other hand are more "survival of the fittest" and don't coddle students. It's sink or swim with them.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 12:53
Subject: Re:Child Struggling in College
You need to get him an evaluation. I cannot believe you've let it go on this long. You are focusing on the wrong things (the grades and an internship)!!!! How on Earth do you think he'll survive if he has literally zero grit? Why do we let our kids fail because they're "very bright"?? Who cares if he's very bright? It's meaningless without being able to get through a day independently. After you get an actual dx you can get services. There are exec functioning coaches.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 09:34
Subject: Child Struggling in College
I would hire a tutor to meet with him a couple times a week to help keep him in task.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 09:26
Subject: Re:Child Struggling in College
If he won't do medicine, there are life hacks for dealing with ADHD and executive function issues. Apps for his phone. Calendar reminders. Rigid schedules with self-set "study halls" to force him to study daily and not procrastinate. Tutors.l to sit with him and help him focus.Anonymous wrote:Yes, he seems to do well with project, and even though he has social anxiety, teams. And ironically, presentations. Give him a problem set and he does fine - put him in a pressure cooker with a longer problem set and he second guesses himself and forgets.
For the trade school - I do think there needs to be interest and skill. My father is in a trade and he likes taking things apart and figuring out how things work. He will sometimes work on things with my DS, but my DS has a tendency to solve a flat tire with wanting to buy a new bike. He has zero interest. But then he took the time to write and open source a rock paper scissor game. He doesn’t want to do any programming but I was thinking cybersecurity might be an interest. Right now nothing is an interest. And the minute we talk about interest being a future, he gets nervous so he is going to have to find something without anyone pushing him in a direction.
I agree no need for an internship this year. We are just doing practice resumes and I set him up with an informational interview with someone who I knew would be kind. This is just to prep him for later rather than throw him into something new. Giving him practice with no stakes is helpful for future years. He actually got a real interview and I think it might be a fit, but there is no pressure. I told him to treat it like practice and then we can talk about what he want to do this summer (like work at the ice cream shop). This summer is just about structure, so he gets out of the house on a regular basis.
I am going to circle back with the therapist again about linking him with the psychiatrist in the practice, and talk to him about just exploring it.
Maybe Google for options or offer to pay for an executive function coach? You could also see about getting him extra time on tests.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 09:20
Subject: Child Struggling in College
Are you providing any financial support at all? If so, I would have conditions on it. You seem to think you have zero power once he turned 18.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 08:07
Subject: Re:Child Struggling in College
Yes, he seems to do well with project, and even though he has social anxiety, teams. And ironically, presentations. Give him a problem set and he does fine - put him in a pressure cooker with a longer problem set and he second guesses himself and forgets.
For the trade school - I do think there needs to be interest and skill. My father is in a trade and he likes taking things apart and figuring out how things work. He will sometimes work on things with my DS, but my DS has a tendency to solve a flat tire with wanting to buy a new bike. He has zero interest. But then he took the time to write and open source a rock paper scissor game. He doesn’t want to do any programming but I was thinking cybersecurity might be an interest. Right now nothing is an interest. And the minute we talk about interest being a future, he gets nervous so he is going to have to find something without anyone pushing him in a direction.
I agree no need for an internship this year. We are just doing practice resumes and I set him up with an informational interview with someone who I knew would be kind. This is just to prep him for later rather than throw him into something new. Giving him practice with no stakes is helpful for future years. He actually got a real interview and I think it might be a fit, but there is no pressure. I told him to treat it like practice and then we can talk about what he want to do this summer (like work at the ice cream shop). This summer is just about structure, so he gets out of the house on a regular basis.
I am going to circle back with the therapist again about linking him with the psychiatrist in the practice, and talk to him about just exploring it.
For the trade school - I do think there needs to be interest and skill. My father is in a trade and he likes taking things apart and figuring out how things work. He will sometimes work on things with my DS, but my DS has a tendency to solve a flat tire with wanting to buy a new bike. He has zero interest. But then he took the time to write and open source a rock paper scissor game. He doesn’t want to do any programming but I was thinking cybersecurity might be an interest. Right now nothing is an interest. And the minute we talk about interest being a future, he gets nervous so he is going to have to find something without anyone pushing him in a direction.
I agree no need for an internship this year. We are just doing practice resumes and I set him up with an informational interview with someone who I knew would be kind. This is just to prep him for later rather than throw him into something new. Giving him practice with no stakes is helpful for future years. He actually got a real interview and I think it might be a fit, but there is no pressure. I told him to treat it like practice and then we can talk about what he want to do this summer (like work at the ice cream shop). This summer is just about structure, so he gets out of the house on a regular basis.
I am going to circle back with the therapist again about linking him with the psychiatrist in the practice, and talk to him about just exploring it.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 07:28
Subject: Child Struggling in College
It sounds like he does better with project-based classes or papers over tests. He should do his best to pick classes that match his learning style.
I know our business classes were often project-based, like entrepreneurship. There were also design classes that were projects-based. And writing classes where the work was more distributed across the semester. He needs to be really thoughtful about choosing his classes.
I know our business classes were often project-based, like entrepreneurship. There were also design classes that were projects-based. And writing classes where the work was more distributed across the semester. He needs to be really thoughtful about choosing his classes.
Anonymous
04/10/2025 07:11
Subject: Child Struggling in College
Anonymous wrote:
Can you try trade school? Doesn’t seem college is the best.
+1