Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I guess you should have not made so many excuses to not have sex then, huh?

Looks like the cheaters have found this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
- When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well.

Oh gosh. This is me. I still have feelings for the other guy but we don’t have sexual discussions. I fantasize about him all the time. How long before you forgave DH? I can’t make myself want DH anymore. It’s very strange. I think it’s all going to end very badly.

TBH the biggest thing that helped is H is extremely good looking and insanely good in bed. So once sex got back on track, I knew I wasn’t going to get better sex anywhere else.

But it still took me about 2 years to get over the resentment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
- When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well.

Oh gosh. This is me. I still have feelings for the other guy but we don’t have sexual discussions. I fantasize about him all the time. How long before you forgave DH? I can’t make myself want DH anymore. It’s very strange. I think it’s all going to end very badly.

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
- When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
- When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well.

NP. I find this fascinating. How much weight did you lose? And did you lose it by eating less or exercising more? And what hobbies and interests did you do again that you didn’t do before? Why do you think you stopped doing them? And what exactly about the AP made you regain self esteem? Someone saying you’re hot? Or that he thought he loved you? I’m in the gained weight and got unhappy situation and curious about your change and whether I could get it without the AP.

20 pounds

Both eating better and exercise

Everything I did before marriage/kids that I gave up so I could be “present for the family”.

Stopped doing them because everyone complains. If I want to do a Tuesday evening class, H complains I’m not home to help, the kids complain, friends and family complain I’m selfish, etc.

It’s not that the AP had feelings. Thinking I’m hot probably helped some, although that’s not fully it.

I think I was just depressed because I felt stuck with no way out. H wasn’t interested in me but I wasn’t allowed to find someone who was. I wanted to go do the things that made me feel like me, but if I did, everyone complained or I’d come home to a disaster.

So really I think it’s just that it gave me a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I didn’t want to leave to be with AP, it let me see that I did have options. I could leave H and date someone else, I wasn’t stuck forever.

It’s also just a nice ego boost.

I’ll admit it is hard not to get sucked back down with H. We have sex, but he’s overall a low energy and unhappy person. So maybe that’s part of it too - it was just nice to be around someone high energy who didn’t drain me.

Anonymous wrote:Do we have an infidelity troll?. Seems like there's someone who likes to make up various scenarios.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
- When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well.

NP. I find this fascinating. How much weight did you lose? And did you lose it by eating less or exercising more? And what hobbies and interests did you do again that you didn’t do before? Why do you think you stopped doing them? And what exactly about the AP made you regain self esteem? Someone saying you’re hot? Or that he thought he loved you? I’m in the gained weight and got unhappy situation and curious about your change and whether I could get it without the AP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband did that for 3 years. Here were rhe downsides-

-obliterated me
-tore his family apart
-effed the kids up during the divorce
-got blackmailed by the AP to an extreme extend a la Saw level psychological games
-he was suicidal for 2 years
-lost his job
-lost his best friends
-list my entire network who loved him dearly for 15 years
-strained relationship with his parents
-self hatred
-he lives in a tiny 2 bed apartment the kids hate visiting

You were “obliterated” because your husband was sexting some woman?

I… don’t know. The punishment does not sound like it fits the crime.