Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 11:02     Subject: Re:JV team drama
Is there any way for you to watch practice without being seen or making it obvious? (Just asking- if I arrive early to my kid’s practice I can see reasonably well from the car from afar- enough to get the gist)

I’d strongly suggest watching a practice- or a good part of a practice- if you can. It may shed some light.

When something similar happened to my DS, my DH did this and quickly realized DS looked like he was goofing off/joking around & being silly with another kid during drills. Nothing disruptive at all but just looked like he wasn’t taking it as seriously as others.

Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 11:01     Subject: Re:JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:OP how is she with her teammates? Is she friends with them, or does she appear to chat and interact with them from what you can observe?

Just asking because sometimes if a player does not seem part of “the group” a coach will just follow along with that.

Also she doesn’t look out of place for any other reason, does she? You are a sports family so probably not…but she has all the right equipment, wears what the others are wearing etc to practice and games? Just had to ask because my DD was on a terrible MS softball team once (everyone made the team, not competitive at all) and there were 2 girls who wore sweatpants or school clothes and sneakers to practice rather than cleats and SB pants…


She definitely looks the part and she says she is friends with the girls - she mentions things about them and tells me what they talked about. She has been to all of the practices and tells me that kids who haven't been to all of them are still getting playing time - it's a mystery. I've asked her email the coach so we will see what happens.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:56     Subject: Re:JV team drama
OP how is she with her teammates? Is she friends with them, or does she appear to chat and interact with them from what you can observe?

Just asking because sometimes if a player does not seem part of “the group” a coach will just follow along with that.

Also she doesn’t look out of place for any other reason, does she? You are a sports family so probably not…but she has all the right equipment, wears what the others are wearing etc to practice and games? Just had to ask because my DD was on a terrible MS softball team once (everyone made the team, not competitive at all) and there were 2 girls who wore sweatpants or school clothes and sneakers to practice rather than cleats and SB pants…
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:49     Subject: JV team drama
Ime if there is a very wide gap in score the correct, sportesmanship-like thing to do is to have usually-benched players play. It is good for these players and also kind to the other team. My ds's team is varsity but there is no JV and some "pretty bad" players come on when there is a wide gap. The coaches do make it known that if you are not a skilled player AND don't show up to practice daily then you will stay benched. If your dd does show up and does her job during practice, it seems wrong to not include her especially if she is the only one left off.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:48     Subject: Re:JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Softball. They have 9 players on the field. Her team only has 10 players.


OP, we have a similar school softball team (has to beg for players) and they do rotate everyone in at the end. With 10 players, the 9th and 10th best players would just split the innings.


+1

My DS is on a middle school baseball team with ten players. Number 9 & 10 split playing time 50/50ish. Kind of weird to sit one kid 100% of the innings even on a HS JV team with 10. Especially during a blowout. And all three of my kids have played a lot of baseball and softball, at various levels and on various types of teams (including HS JV).

I think there has to be something else going on here…the DD really really needs to speak with the coach. Even if that is hard to do.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:44     Subject: Re:JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:Softball. They have 9 players on the field. Her team only has 10 players.


OP, we have a similar school softball team (has to beg for players) and they do rotate everyone in at the end. With 10 players, the 9th and 10th best players would just split the innings.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:41     Subject: JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The coach was “hostile” to her? Like how? How was he hostile while he was ignoring her as you said? I think you have some Mom blinders on OP.


I don't think so - I have other kids, we are a very sporty family. I've seen lots of coaches, my kids have been benched for important games when the coach didn't think they could contribute - it happens. This is a JV softball team and the coach sort of acted like she didn't exist.

She talked to other kids who came into the dugout but completely ignored my daughter. A ball was hit into the parking lot and my daughter ran to get it. When she came back with it, the coach took the ball from her without even looking at her. You know when someone seems very tense around you but relaxed around other people? That was how it looked.


I’ll bet you are correct- it is probably her shyness/quietness. Unfortunately, it very often reads as either aloof or “I don’t want to be here”. Or even haughty/snobby “I’m too good for this”. It would explain the mild hostility from the coach. I have dealt with this my whole life (and have had to learn strategies to combat it) and one of my DS is the same.

Does she get along with her teammates or is she quiet with them as well?

She really needs to speak with coach and ask what she needs to work on to earn playing time. In person. Really the only solution. Coach needs to see that she wants to play, and may also realize after having a conversation with her that she is just shy.

Also helps to smile a lot (I hate to say this but it is true)

She really needs to muster
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:34     Subject: Re:JV team drama
Softball. They have 9 players on the field. Her team only has 10 players.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:32     Subject: JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:The coach was “hostile” to her? Like how? How was he hostile while he was ignoring her as you said? I think you have some Mom blinders on OP.


I don't think so - I have other kids, we are a very sporty family. I've seen lots of coaches, my kids have been benched for important games when the coach didn't think they could contribute - it happens. This is a JV softball team and the coach sort of acted like she didn't exist.

She talked to other kids who came into the dugout but completely ignored my daughter. A ball was hit into the parking lot and my daughter ran to get it. When she came back with it, the coach took the ball from her without even looking at her. You know when someone seems very tense around you but relaxed around other people? That was how it looked.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:30     Subject: Re:JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:And she has no idea why? Are you totally sure?

This situation actually sounds like possibly (but not necessarily) it could be something to do with (whether real or perceived by the coach) behavior. Missing practice, a tangle with a teammate, not hustling, etc? Anything like that going on? Or is she perceived as not part of the group for any reason (like all the other girls played last year, or play on a travel team together)?

Only asking because most JV coaches would likely not sit the same one player 100% of the time if the games are not competitive…typically all would get at least some token playing time in that scenario.



It is strange, right? It's a school team that they had to beg kids to try out for. She isn't my first child who played sports, and they have sat out and it didn't seem weird to me. But this seems particularly punitive - I mean, when you are losing 11-2 in the last minutes of the game, at least let her on the field. My daughter is very shy - she's sweet when you get to know her but it will take an act of God for her to speak to the coach - the only thing I can think of is that the coach thinks she doesn't want to be there because she is quite reserved - but even still, I wouldn't punish her for that.


That does seem really strange. Can she email the coach then? Keep it brief.

Maybe it is because she is shy/reserved, yes? So showing some initiative could really help her case.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:29     Subject: JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What would you do? My daughter is on the JV team of a high school sports team. They are not competitive and have lost the two matches they played by a lot. They have just one extra player - for both the games, my daughter rode the bench the entire game. The first time, I told her to cheer up, nothing to do but soldier on. Yesterday, I went to watch the match and again she was sitting there, completely ignored by the coach - the coach seemed even a bit hostile towards her. She's definitely not one of the best on the team, probably not the worst and she goes to all the practices and does her best. If the matches were close, I would say the coach has to play the only the very best players but they are nowhere near close.

I've told daughter to write to coach and ask what's up - but I can see my daughter is going to want to quit the team and I can't entirely blame her even though it goes against my parenting mantra of don't quit.

What would you do?



She should ask the coach what they think she needs to work on to get playing time. My kids' high school teams have too many kids so more get to participate and be part of the team experience. The downside of these too big teams is that some kids just don't get to play.


DP here. This team is the bad-news bears. There is no harm in putting in the bench warmers at the end of an obvious blowout. It is good coaching form to do this if a game is unwinnable (or unloseable.)
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:26     Subject: Re:JV team drama
What sport is this? Any chance this is position related (like she is the backup goalie or catcher for example)?

How many girls are new on the team this year? Is the coach new to the team this year? How does she get along with her teammates?

As another poster said, there is SO much that goes into playing time decisions…not all of it skill related. Team chemistry, history/reputation as a player, various attitude and social factors etc. Whether fair or unfair, it is the truth….
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:26     Subject: JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:This is not a rec team. There is no equal playing time. If the coach thought she was a value add, he would be putting her in. Maybe he thinks she needs more time to develop and mature, maybe she’s not paying attention at practice, who knows. Not trying to put the blame on your daughter, but a plethora of things that could be going on that you just don’t know about. I warn you that if she quits this team, she’s unlikely to make JV or varsity in future years.


The issue is that it is making her hate the sport. I'm worried she won't ever want to try out for anything again - would you? If you were put on a team and then the coach singles you out as the only kid who doesn't get to play?
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:26     Subject: JV team drama
The coach was “hostile” to her? Like how? How was he hostile while he was ignoring her as you said? I think you have some Mom blinders on OP.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2025 10:24     Subject: Re:JV team drama
Anonymous wrote:And she has no idea why? Are you totally sure?

This situation actually sounds like possibly (but not necessarily) it could be something to do with (whether real or perceived by the coach) behavior. Missing practice, a tangle with a teammate, not hustling, etc? Anything like that going on? Or is she perceived as not part of the group for any reason (like all the other girls played last year, or play on a travel team together)?

Only asking because most JV coaches would likely not sit the same one player 100% of the time if the games are not competitive…typically all would get at least some token playing time in that scenario.



It is strange, right? It's a school team that they had to beg kids to try out for. She isn't my first child who played sports, and they have sat out and it didn't seem weird to me. But this seems particularly punitive - I mean, when you are losing 11-2 in the last minutes of the game, at least let her on the field. My daughter is very shy - she's sweet when you get to know her but it will take an act of God for her to speak to the coach - the only thing I can think of is that the coach thinks she doesn't want to be there because she is quite reserved - but even still, I wouldn't punish her for that.