Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:58
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Anonymous wrote:I don't know, but there is something weird in the air.
I volunteer with my church in a food pantry. We provide kind of a drive through food bag of groceries (staples) and families drive through. Sometimes we get lucky and get meat or seasonal fruits and veggies, but again, this is staples, canned food. Vegetables, beans, rice, cereal, powdered milk, etc.
I was telling my two neighbors (different houses in the cul-de-sac) about it when she asked me where I was heading with groceries leaving my house (I collect food and replenish the pantry with others). They were downright mean! Called people who seek charity leeches and lazy bums. They told me I was wasting my time trying to do this because "these illegals are getting kicked out and the rest of them are just trash anyway." I was shocked. I mean, we are, like, pretty well off. This is a neighborhood where homes run over 1.5 million in Fairfax.
Second story, I was at work, and we had a meeting with another colleague who said she was PIPing an employee who refused to fly internationally for a conference. Someone tried to explain why this person might be worried, and she blew it off and said she was being dramatic. I know this employee, worked with her, and she's wonderful! I log in today and see the employee is gone. I felt terrible.
Third story, my husband coaches a sports team and it's small kids. And two men got in a literal fist fight over soccer.
Is there something in the water? What is going on here?
Not in my circles. Try to move to a nicer neighborhood. Change the jobs with a boss who is kind and respectful?
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:54
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
I think as a society we have become more selfish due to resources becoming more scarce. If you look at the college board, you'll see students who lie and cheat to try to get into the most reputable schools? It's to eventually get a good job and afford a life. Look at the price of college and homes and cars and kids.
Not only has the cost of necessities increased, but the standard of life has increased and that costs money. The standard for a middle class lifestyle has changed and it costs money. People didn't used to spend as much on vacations, dining out, kids activities, holidays, etc.
Not only has the cost of necessities increased, but the standard of life has increased and that costs money. The standard for a middle class lifestyle has changed and it costs money. People didn't used to spend as much on vacations, dining out, kids activities, holidays, etc.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:51
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
I think so, and I think it was hastened/accentuated post-Covid. (I think there was a glimmer of togetherness in the first few months that was wiped out by political extremism and the politicization of how the pandemic was handled.)
I have noticed a HUGE difference in people maintaining small courtesies, even as simple as holding doors or letting you merge. I have started an experiment where if I or another person are “competing” on who can enter a building first, go on line first etc I will just let them go. In my mind, people in the past would say “no, you.” Now, everyone will just go and rarely do I get a thank you or any acknowledgment.
I’ve long said the same about service at eateries etc. I was a waitress, hostess, bartender, and bar manager and I know joe grueling and thankless these roles can be. That said, I always greeted customers with a smile, chit-chat, helpful tips about the menu etc. I almost never get that level of service unless I’m at a very high end place or happen to get lucky, which is very rare.
We just no longer expect niceties and certainly aren’t giving them out. I try to make a point to greet people cheerfully, make eye contact etc because this might be a holdover from COVID, as mentioned. I really look forward to the pendulum swinging back.
I have noticed a HUGE difference in people maintaining small courtesies, even as simple as holding doors or letting you merge. I have started an experiment where if I or another person are “competing” on who can enter a building first, go on line first etc I will just let them go. In my mind, people in the past would say “no, you.” Now, everyone will just go and rarely do I get a thank you or any acknowledgment.
I’ve long said the same about service at eateries etc. I was a waitress, hostess, bartender, and bar manager and I know joe grueling and thankless these roles can be. That said, I always greeted customers with a smile, chit-chat, helpful tips about the menu etc. I almost never get that level of service unless I’m at a very high end place or happen to get lucky, which is very rare.
We just no longer expect niceties and certainly aren’t giving them out. I try to make a point to greet people cheerfully, make eye contact etc because this might be a holdover from COVID, as mentioned. I really look forward to the pendulum swinging back.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:49
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Stay the course, OP.
I wonder if we know each other and or are neighbors. I also do food outreach work (almost 20 years now) and constantly hear criticisms that I need to vet clients better: “she drives a nice car” or “there’s no reason he can’t get a job” or most recently,
“I can’t believe there’s even a need here in [zip code].”
Well, there is. Always have and always will be. Mean, unhelpful people will be your biggest critics and the loudest voices you’ll hear. Do your best to cultivate kindness and keep volunteering.
All of this negativity has empowered me to be even kinder, even more upbeat especially with my clients. I literally perform a good deed a day and it’s so uplifting. I recently shut down a very negative and politically charged text thread with my co volunteers - respectfully asked them to take this discussion offline as it was irrelevant to our mission - and they did.
I wonder if we know each other and or are neighbors. I also do food outreach work (almost 20 years now) and constantly hear criticisms that I need to vet clients better: “she drives a nice car” or “there’s no reason he can’t get a job” or most recently,
“I can’t believe there’s even a need here in [zip code].”
Well, there is. Always have and always will be. Mean, unhelpful people will be your biggest critics and the loudest voices you’ll hear. Do your best to cultivate kindness and keep volunteering.
All of this negativity has empowered me to be even kinder, even more upbeat especially with my clients. I literally perform a good deed a day and it’s so uplifting. I recently shut down a very negative and politically charged text thread with my co volunteers - respectfully asked them to take this discussion offline as it was irrelevant to our mission - and they did.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:45
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Absolutely. Empathy and decency have been sidelined and greed elevated. Our basic shared values and agreements are frayed to the point of hanging by a thread. In many areas it's open season on out groups. We're in a state of societal anomie.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:32
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Yes. There is a great article about it in The Atlantic:
https://archive.is/2025.03.29-074323/https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2023/09/us-culture-moral-education-formation/674765/
https://archive.is/2025.03.29-074323/https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2023/09/us-culture-moral-education-formation/674765/
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:32
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:More third places are being gone
More distrust in our institutions
More social ties being broken
More people staying in their homes
More people on screen and social media
More people not marrying and having kids
More wealth inequality
So yes, more people being meaner, our communal bonds are being eroded and we are not as trustful as before.
Yes, all this.
Yes, I will also add more of the loneliness epidemic. People's outlook are more introspective than community oriented. Leave me alone!
In addition I think we have changed the out-group in this country. It used to be that our American national out-groups tended to be ethnic or racial. These days they are political. Someone upthread mentioned the KKK and had a valid point. It just that these days your out-group is the side you don't agree with politically, and there are fringe groups in both parties that are honestly the equivalent of the KKK. The more "normie" people aren't that bad, but they feel comfortable being mean the way once upon a time they might have to someone based on their ethnicity.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:29
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will also add more of the loneliness epidemic. People's outlook are more introspective than community oriented. Leave me alone!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:More third places are being gone
More distrust in our institutions
More social ties being broken
More people staying in their homes
More people on screen and social media
More people not marrying and having kids
More wealth inequality
So yes, more people being meaner, our communal bonds are being eroded and we are not as trustful as before.
Yes, all this.
In 2023, a Ruth Westheimer became the very first Honorary Ambassador to Loneliness in the nation. She said: "I am deeply honored and promised the Governor [Hochul] that I will work day and night to help New Yorkers feel less lonely!" Maybe the country needs such an Ambassador. psychiatrist dot com
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:24
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes. People are stressed and are in survivalist mode.
And gaming whatever support systems to maximize their resources even if they don't need it. It's like during COVID when people felt the need to buy a year's worth of toilet paper.
Yep! Still have a couple rolls from that time
Anonymous
04/02/2025 11:19
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Most of the people you encounter on a daily basis in the DMV suffer from mental illness.
Combined with the election, and it’s obvious why people are now so mean.
Combined with the election, and it’s obvious why people are now so mean.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 10:53
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Yes, I will also add more of the loneliness epidemic. People's outlook are more introspective than community oriented. Leave me alone!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:More third places are being gone
More distrust in our institutions
More social ties being broken
More people staying in their homes
More people on screen and social media
More people not marrying and having kids
More wealth inequality
So yes, more people being meaner, our communal bonds are being eroded and we are not as trustful as before.
Yes, all this.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 10:27
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Anonymous wrote:Yes. People are stressed and are in survivalist mode.
And gaming whatever support systems to maximize their resources even if they don't need it. It's like during COVID when people felt the need to buy a year's worth of toilet paper.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 10:25
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Yes. Thanks to T, it’s now deemed acceptable to say those horrid things. I hope your mean neighbors never need any help.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 10:25
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Anonymous wrote:More third places are being gone
More distrust in our institutions
More social ties being broken
More people staying in their homes
More people on screen and social media
More people not marrying and having kids
More wealth inequality
So yes, more people being meaner, our communal bonds are being eroded and we are not as trustful as before.
Yes, all this.
Anonymous
04/02/2025 10:23
Subject: Are people getting meaner?
Anonymous wrote:I don't know, but there is something weird in the air.
I volunteer with my church in a food pantry. We provide kind of a drive through food bag of groceries (staples) and families drive through. Sometimes we get lucky and get meat or seasonal fruits and veggies, but again, this is staples, canned food. Vegetables, beans, rice, cereal, powdered milk, etc.
I was telling my two neighbors (different houses in the cul-de-sac) about it when she asked me where I was heading with groceries leaving my house (I collect food and replenish the pantry with others). They were downright mean! Called people who seek charity leeches and lazy bums. They told me I was wasting my time trying to do this because "these illegals are getting kicked out and the rest of them are just trash anyway." I was shocked. I mean, we are, like, pretty well off. This is a neighborhood where homes run over 1.5 million in Fairfax.
Second story, I was at work, and we had a meeting with another colleague who said she was PIPing an employee who refused to fly internationally for a conference. Someone tried to explain why this person might be worried, and she blew it off and said she was being dramatic. I know this employee, worked with her, and she's wonderful! I log in today and see the employee is gone. I felt terrible.
Third story, my husband coaches a sports team and it's small kids. And two men got in a literal fist fight over soccer.
Is there something in the water? What is going on here?
Yep, very different all around than decades before. And while there may be recent immigrants regardless of their status getting food at the church pantry, for those people needing to call others names, fyi: there are many many "Americans" needing food too. Light pigment skin color folks in many many communities across America.