Anonymous wrote:If both of them want this and you oppose, there could be life long resentments. Let's look at from another angle, if instead he goes to attend a grad school, would you pay for that. That also costs 80k+ per year for 2 years. If you would then probably you can do this too.

That being said, your DH shouldn't try to live his life through his kid, he should do something he always wanted to do, with this money. If your kid can't find sponsorships or paid offers, likely he isn't at that level to make bank in future.

IMO there is a huge difference between "paying for 2 years of grad school" and "paying $80K/year so kid can continue playing a sport that they don't have a chance at going pro" at age 22/23. the first typically ends with an MS/MBA that will benefit you for the rest of your career (and leads to a higher paying job). The 2nd most likely leads to nothing except 2 years of no income and no career growth and spending $80K/year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If DS is actually a professional, he should be able to support himself doing this.

OP here.

There are many professional athletes in DS's sport that are currently being supported by their families. In a lower-level professional tournament, the winner, after four days of competition, receives $2500, and it is very hard to win just one tournament. DS wants to do this because he believes that the three years will allow him to develop his social skills and EQ while being on a professional tour by constantly meeting people around the world. He thinks that it will help him in the long run. He is our only child, and we have financial means to support him to chase his dream for the next three years without touching our retirement, and it is not impacting us financially. DH wants him to do it now while he is single and without any responsibilities or obligations.

He already has a good job lined up after graduation that will pay 95k/year. I want him to follow his dream, but with the uncertainty in the economy, I am not sure if this is the right time to do it. That's my reason.

1- Can he defer his start date? If its a large company, they're typically amenable to it (though in this economic climate, there is always the possibility they will yank his offer). I would lead with deferring one year and not start with 3 (no company would allow for 3).

2 - Does he want to go to graduate school? He may need to when he returns from this to get back on track with his career. And do you have funds to support him through graduate school without impacting your retirement?

NP. I know multiple people making very good money in financial services now who did something this. They are extremely successful professionals. The elite business schools seem to love former professional athletes who are smart.

If it doesn’t impact you financially I would do it. Answer is no if it impacts your retirement.

Anonymous wrote:If DS is actually a professional, he should be able to support himself doing this.

OP here.

There are many professional athletes in DS's sport that are currently being supported by their families. In a lower-level professional tournament, the winner, after four days of competition, receives $2500, and it is very hard to win just one tournament. DS wants to do this because he believes that the three years will allow him to develop his social skills and EQ while being on a professional tour by constantly meeting people around the world. He thinks that it will help him in the long run. He is our only child, and we have financial means to support him to chase his dream for the next three years without touching our retirement, and it is not impacting us financially. DH wants him to do it now while he is single and without any responsibilities or obligations.

He already has a good job lined up after graduation that will pay 95k/year. I want him to follow his dream, but with the uncertainty in the economy, I am not sure if this is the right time to do it. That's my reason.

depends on how much 80k is to you. for us, no way.

i do agree that is he is not pro level now, he likely won't ever be.

Tell us what the $80,000 for? Living expenses and coaching I assume. Will your son be able to work part time to help offset the cost?

Anonymous wrote:My DH came to the US as a poor immigrant from Eastern Europe, and became successful financially. He was a very good athlete when he was young but did not have the opportunity to make his dream come true because of the financial situation in his family. Our DS is an athlete at a D1 school, and he will graduate in a few weeks. He wants to play professionally, but it will cost about $80K per year for travel, coaching, and accommodation. DS says he wants to do this for three years before working at a real job. My DS is very good but not at the professional level. We do have the financial means to support DS. My DH is so excited about this and is willing to support DS for the next three years because he didn't have that chance growing up. DH wants DS to experience what he missed growing up in Eastern Europe.

For me, I am not so sure. WWYD?

Yes. I would absolutely do it.

As long as it won't mess up your retirement or put you in debt, its fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’d probably do it. You are only going once.

This. You have the means. Why not? I absolutely would.

Agree, but I say that as someone who the money is immaterial to. If it's a hardship for you then it's a totally different conversation.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’d probably do it. You are only going once.

This. You have the means. Why not? I absolutely would.

My kids definitely do not play athletics at this level and we don’t have the financial means so this is a decision I will never have to make. That said, I’ve been saying “yes“ to a lot more lately! The world just feels so scary and messy and Our college graduates already got thrown a huge curveball in 2020 with Covid and now the economy and the government is blowing up. I’m kind of inclined to say yes to things that are possible for us. Who knows what the future holds.

Anonymous wrote:If both of them want this and you oppose, there could be life long resentments. Let's look at from another angle, if instead he goes to attend a grad school, would you pay for that. That also costs 80k+ per year for 2 years. If you would then probably you can do this too.

That being said, your DH shouldn't try to live his life through his kid, he should do something he always wanted to do, with this money. If your kid can't find sponsorships or paid offers, likely he isn't at that level to make bank in future.

I agree. If you can truly afford it and they both want it, I would stay out of it, or they will resent you. The better approach is to talk to your DH about setting clear expectations with your DS regarding when the gravy train ends; if they are on their own financially after a certain number of years, have that discussion know so they can weigh the costs of pursuing a hobby sports career instead of an actual money-making career. My biggest concern would be that your DS would become long-term financially dependent on you, but I think you can set expectations now to avoid it later.

I'm in my early 30s, and I personally know 3 people like this. All Olympic potential but not a chance at medaling - just close enough that if they trained full time, hard, they could maybe make the national team. Very obvious they were not going to become successful professional athletes.

One did it straight out of college like your DC, the other two did it maybe 2-4 years out of college. For the latter, it was some combination of the job doesn't give me the freedom to train the way I need to (which at this level, no job could).

Anyways, they all went to grad school in their late 20s. 1 law school, 2 bschool. Bschool loves kids like these. They all have successful jobs now.

If both of them want this and you oppose, there could be life long resentments. Let's look at from another angle, if instead he goes to attend a grad school, would you pay for that. That also costs 80k+ per year for 2 years. If you would then probably you can do this too.

That being said, your DH shouldn't try to live his life through his kid, he should do something he always wanted to do, with this money. If your kid can't find sponsorships or paid offers, likely he isn't at that level to make bank in future.

I’ve never heard of a professional player who has to pay all their expenses.