Anonymous wrote:Could you have family come help for a few weeks so you can get back on your feet a little?

Baby is four months old and OP hasn't figured out anything!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are several months into the postpartum journey and it has been hard for us.

We don’t have family nearby, or friends / community who can really support.

We anticipated this situation, and hired a postpartum doula. Unfortunately they were quite underwhelming.

Do you have any referrals for postpartum support that has been truly helpful? I feel like we are looking for a unicorn who can just breeze in and wave their magic wand and eagerly support with cooking, house work, and ad hoc items, while also being sensitive to our postpartum situation, and with the eagerness and critical thinking skills to not require intense micromanagement.

Not sure if this is a housekeeper, doula, or if this person even exists. Would love to know!

You are way over "post" partum and are now into real life and you are on your own! Friends and family have their own lives and problems so don't bother them. Unless you can afford to pay for "overwhelming" help them get organized and eliminate extraneous crap and start being an adult who chose to have a child.

Just as unicorns are a myth so are magic wands.

But don't worry internet jerks are alive and well.

Anonymous wrote:We are several months into the postpartum journey and it has been hard for us.

We don’t have family nearby, or friends / community who can really support.

We anticipated this situation, and hired a postpartum doula. Unfortunately they were quite underwhelming.

Do you have any referrals for postpartum support that has been truly helpful? I feel like we are looking for a unicorn who can just breeze in and wave their magic wand and eagerly support with cooking, house work, and ad hoc items, while also being sensitive to our postpartum situation, and with the eagerness and critical thinking skills to not require intense micromanagement.

Not sure if this is a housekeeper, doula, or if this person even exists. Would love to know!

You are way over "post" partum and are now into real life and you are on your own! Friends and family have their own lives and problems so don't bother them. Unless you can afford to pay for "overwhelming" help them get organized and eliminate extraneous crap and start being an adult who chose to have a child.

Just as unicorns are a myth so are magic wands.

I’ve had a nanny, and watched most of my neighbors have them. Most are underwhelming, and they aren’t a substitute for outsourcing, they are your childcare, first and foremost.

OP, if money isn’t an issue for you, you need to outsource everything you can.

Hire a service for yard work and mowing. Have your groceries delivered weekly, and stick with simple meals you can easily repeat so your cart orders can stay relatively similar week to week. Hire a weekly housekeeping service. Use a service for your laundry - some friends of mine are raving about about Poplin for this. Find a regular baby sitter or hire a nanny so you have child care.

Most of the wealthier moms in my neighborhood use some combination of these services, and more (interior decorators, home decorators, stylists, etc).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids without “the village” is hard

We had to get clear about what was important to us - on big and small things. iE: I have to shower daily and I need at least 15 mins by myself each day. I also when we had our second kiddo wanted at least 15 mins of time each day with my older kiddo 1 on 1

Things that help: decluttering over time (if we aren’t using it then it’s out - “contactless porch pick up” is my fav way to get rid of stuff), grocery drive up, Target drive up for other stuff, Amazon subscribe and save for diapers, wipes, etc. run the dishwasher as often as you need. We separated cleaning stuff into “must do” and “may do”.

Give yourself and your partner lots of grace

Which organizations do ‘contactless porch pick ups?’

Greendrop

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids without “the village” is hard

We had to get clear about what was important to us - on big and small things. iE: I have to shower daily and I need at least 15 mins by myself each day. I also when we had our second kiddo wanted at least 15 mins of time each day with my older kiddo 1 on 1

Things that help: decluttering over time (if we aren’t using it then it’s out - “contactless porch pick up” is my fav way to get rid of stuff), grocery drive up, Target drive up for other stuff, Amazon subscribe and save for diapers, wipes, etc. run the dishwasher as often as you need. We separated cleaning stuff into “must do” and “may do”.

Give yourself and your partner lots of grace

Which organizations do ‘contactless porch pick ups?’

NP I post stuff for cheap on facebook marketplace and people put the cash under my mat. "Porch pickup" is what I call it. My kids call it the porch fairy because they love finding money under the mat. I've never been stiffed once and people pick up promptly.

I’m the PP. We also do this, Zelle, or Venmo or free stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids without “the village” is hard

We had to get clear about what was important to us - on big and small things. iE: I have to shower daily and I need at least 15 mins by myself each day. I also when we had our second kiddo wanted at least 15 mins of time each day with my older kiddo 1 on 1

Things that help: decluttering over time (if we aren’t using it then it’s out - “contactless porch pick up” is my fav way to get rid of stuff), grocery drive up, Target drive up for other stuff, Amazon subscribe and save for diapers, wipes, etc. run the dishwasher as often as you need. We separated cleaning stuff into “must do” and “may do”.

Give yourself and your partner lots of grace

Which organizations do ‘contactless porch pick ups?’

NP I post stuff for cheap on facebook marketplace and people put the cash under my mat. "Porch pickup" is what I call it. My kids call it the porch fairy because they love finding money under the mat. I've never been stiffed once and people pick up promptly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids without “the village” is hard

We had to get clear about what was important to us - on big and small things. iE: I have to shower daily and I need at least 15 mins by myself each day. I also when we had our second kiddo wanted at least 15 mins of time each day with my older kiddo 1 on 1

Things that help: decluttering over time (if we aren’t using it then it’s out - “contactless porch pick up” is my fav way to get rid of stuff), grocery drive up, Target drive up for other stuff, Amazon subscribe and save for diapers, wipes, etc. run the dishwasher as often as you need. We separated cleaning stuff into “must do” and “may do”.

Give yourself and your partner lots of grace

Which organizations do ‘contactless porch pick ups?’

Probably a buy nothing group.

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids without “the village” is hard

We had to get clear about what was important to us - on big and small things. iE: I have to shower daily and I need at least 15 mins by myself each day. I also when we had our second kiddo wanted at least 15 mins of time each day with my older kiddo 1 on 1

Things that help: decluttering over time (if we aren’t using it then it’s out - “contactless porch pick up” is my fav way to get rid of stuff), grocery drive up, Target drive up for other stuff, Amazon subscribe and save for diapers, wipes, etc. run the dishwasher as often as you need. We separated cleaning stuff into “must do” and “may do”.

Give yourself and your partner lots of grace

Which organizations do ‘contactless porch pick ups?’

PP here, meant to say, while she takes care of baby, you take care of chaos

Ever heard of nannies? Hire one while you take care of chaos...

Raising kids without “the village” is hard

We had to get clear about what was important to us - on big and small things. iE: I have to shower daily and I need at least 15 mins by myself each day. I also when we had our second kiddo wanted at least 15 mins of time each day with my older kiddo 1 on 1

Things that help: decluttering over time (if we aren’t using it then it’s out - “contactless porch pick up” is my fav way to get rid of stuff), grocery drive up, Target drive up for other stuff, Amazon subscribe and save for diapers, wipes, etc. run the dishwasher as often as you need. We separated cleaning stuff into “must do” and “may do”.

Give yourself and your partner lots of grace

OP, we hired a night nurses a few times a week for a little while. It helped tremendously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they came once a week they could handle clutter.

Genuinely curious, how? They do stuff like clean tubs, toilets, etc... the clutter grows immediately somehow with kids jackets, toys, shoes, laundry, burp clothes, bottles, etc everywhere. I know a friend that has a nanny that does lot of daily tidying and clothing sorting but am curious how a weekly cleaner would help the clutter

You hire one after interviewing and explain what you want. Jackets get tossed in one basket. Toys in another. Shoes in another. Laundry in laundry baskets. Bottles go in kitchens.

Honestly, you can do that yourself it my be more evervating living in pikes of crap than tossing things in baskets.