Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if kid was literally turning 18 in the next two weeks (but is dependent on parents for car, expensive college starting next year, etc.)

He’s a legal adult but not financially independent so you have something to hold over his head. Just watch out though. It’s easy for him to get a medical marijuana card and you can’t do anything about it.

This. Mine got one after a five minute online discussion. He did get tired of weed though. He thought it was overpriced and it made him stupid.

Drug testing for many months afterward.

A lot of them are probably taking a hit now and then and you just have no idea. It is so so common. if they keep it to once every couple of months as an older teen instead of drinking, consider if this is different than what you did in high school (if you drank once in a while in high school). Do you punish in that way for alcohol too, which kills its share of brain cells? Just food for thought.

Anonymous wrote:We decided not to go to drug test route. Too adversarial and something he could just wait out until he’s 18 and in college. It’s just not the kind of relationship we wanted.

We went the relationship enhancing route. Talks, getting to the bottom of why, education about the health implications, monitoring friends and his coming and going, taking the car keys when it was found in his car.

The natural consequences of getting really sick is what did it for him though. He seems to be done with it for real.

Similar here. There were immediate consequences with some grounding and losing the phone (and me deep diving on it ). It seems like the use was mostly at a particular event he loved and we banned that event for quite some time.

Lots of long talks, and revisiting the topic in the months that followed while we worked to rebuild trust. I’m almost certain he didn’t have it for long when we found out. We know the friends he used it with and had open conversations with the other parents and their stories did very much line up.

It was a school year that I was about to extend his curfew, but didn’t. I also wait up every time to have a conversation when he comes in the door.

He also knows that another f-up will delay some upcoming privileges he’s looking forward to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you found a vape pen in your teens room, what was your next step?

My next step was to hit the vape.

It is legal

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am honestly shocked how many parents do not drug test. They cost so little and are on Amazon. Want money, car or a life outside of this home? Clean pee

This.

If you found things OP drug test weekly take away money and privileges.

Why are you testing if you know they smoke pot.

Anonymous wrote:We decided not to go to drug test route. Too adversarial and something he could just wait out until he’s 18 and in college. It’s just not the kind of relationship we wanted.

We went the relationship enhancing route. Talks, getting to the bottom of why, education about the health implications, monitoring friends and his coming and going, taking the car keys when it was found in his car.

The natural consequences of getting really sick is what did it for him though. He seems to be done with it for real.

+1. Some of these responses are insane.

Anonymous wrote:I had a teen who drank and never smoked pot.

The drinker didn’t really drink until senior year and he had been to therapy for his learning disability so we just checked in about his often, how much and never driving.

The other… We had him talk to a therapist to see if there was an underlying issue. He for a little therapy then more in college just to keep it recreational.

I meant I had one who would drink and one smoke pot.

Anonymous wrote:If you found a vape pen in your teens room, what was your next step?

My next step was to hit the vape.

DRUG TEST ASAP

No money, no car they can pay all their own bills including their cell. Time for a job too. You have time to get high? Let's keep you busy.

Anonymous wrote:I am honestly shocked how many parents do not drug test. They cost so little and are on Amazon. Want money, car or a life outside of this home? Clean pee

This.

If you found things OP drug test weekly take away money and privileges.

I had a teen who drank and never smoked pot.

The drinker didn’t really drink until senior year and he had been to therapy for his learning disability so we just checked in about his often, how much and never driving.

The other… We had him talk to a therapist to see if there was an underlying issue. He for a little therapy then more in college just to keep it recreational.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if kid was literally turning 18 in the next two weeks (but is dependent on parents for car, expensive college starting next year, etc.)

I would drug test while he lives in my nice, warm home and tuition payments would also be contingent.

This AND therapy AND required reading of studies that show the harm it does to their brains, maybe writing papers to prove they’ve read the science.

Anonymous wrote:We decided not to go to drug test route. Too adversarial and something he could just wait out until he’s 18 and in college. It’s just not the kind of relationship we wanted.

We went the relationship enhancing route. Talks, getting to the bottom of why, education about the health implications, monitoring friends and his coming and going, taking the car keys when it was found in his car.

The natural consequences of getting really sick is what did it for him though. He seems to be done with it for real.

No reason why you can’t do both.

Anonymous wrote:Cut off heir access to money.

This