Anonymous wrote:The pp's experience at barker sounds like mine at adoptions together (now paths for families). The home study writeup was incoherent and inaccurate and took a long time to fix. The training wasn't helpful. And they definitely take far more families who want to adopt infants than they have children to place. Their program for adoption of waiting children from foster care was also a mess.

You are better off adopting directly from the county. Our homestudy write up was ok but the social worker had me do most of it. The training did nothing to teach us the adoption process and post adoption. It was more group therapy sessions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From what I've seen, try and befriend people who are in the ob/gyn community. Doctors, nurses, etc. They often know of women who are seeking to find adoptive homes while they are still pregnant. Then all you need is an attorney.

I know a person in that field who had a young unmarried woman that indicated she wanted to find a home for her soon-to-be-born child.

Nurse essentially "sold" herself & her DH to the young woman, had an attorney draw up the paperwork for private adoption, and 3 days after birth she took the child home.

Many people may think this is wrong and unethical, but it isn't illegal and it happens a lot more than you think.

YIKES 😬

No wonder I got baby snatcher vibes during my daughter's NICU experience. You are telling me medical professionals are actually out there baby shopping at work.

What happened with your daughter's NICU experience? Hoping your grandbaby did well...

The pp's experience at barker sounds like mine at adoptions together (now paths for families). The home study writeup was incoherent and inaccurate and took a long time to fix. The training wasn't helpful. And they definitely take far more families who want to adopt infants than they have children to place. Their program for adoption of waiting children from foster care was also a mess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to events at Barker and Paths for Families and JSSA, or talk to a lawyer who belongs to the American Association of Adoption Attorneys. You can also look into international adoption (which has decreased considerably) and adoption from foster care (where you either need to be ok with the fact that the goal for many years will be reunification with relatives or you need to adopt an older child whose parental rights have been terminated--and who has been through significant trauma on top of whatever history they have with their family).

If what you mean is "is it possible to be chosen to adopt a healthy baby from strangers who have no history of mental illness or addiction in a short time frame?" the answer is probably not.

JSSA is good for home studies but they don’t do adoption. Barker is terrible.

Yes it is. Get a home study, sign up with multiple agencies and advertise on your own.

Can you explain why you think Barker is terrible?

We had a bad experience with them. Very unprofessional. They also take way more families for home studies than they can place with and then tell some of those families that they cannot continue after the home study. The home study worker was barely competent. The classes were terrible. If you didn't say what they wanted to hear, you'd get lectured. We got lectured on them insisting we mourn the loss of not having a biological child when that wasn't an issue for us at all. They had no guidance on how to adopt after them. They handed us the homestudy (passed it no issue) and said switch to international (and redo the homestudy at a cost) or figure it out yourself. Their contract is terrible as it says they can drop you for any reason with no refund and they will keep your money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to events at Barker and Paths for Families and JSSA, or talk to a lawyer who belongs to the American Association of Adoption Attorneys. You can also look into international adoption (which has decreased considerably) and adoption from foster care (where you either need to be ok with the fact that the goal for many years will be reunification with relatives or you need to adopt an older child whose parental rights have been terminated--and who has been through significant trauma on top of whatever history they have with their family).

If what you mean is "is it possible to be chosen to adopt a healthy baby from strangers who have no history of mental illness or addiction in a short time frame?" the answer is probably not.

JSSA is good for home studies but they don’t do adoption. Barker is terrible.

Yes it is. Get a home study, sign up with multiple agencies and advertise on your own.

Can you explain why you think Barker is terrible?

Have you considered IVF with donor egg, sperm, and/or a gestational carrier? (What you need depends on the issue.) These are all easier paths to a healthy newborn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fists of all befriending people at the ob/gyn community for the sake of finding a birth mom is bad advice.
There is HIPAA and the patient records are private.
A dr who arranges adoptions on the side is very dubious and at a risk of loosing his or her medical license

I know a pediatrician who “found” her baby like that. 16-18 (probably more like 18) years ago. Another pediatrician friend was bragging to me about it. I hardly knew that lady. A LOT of people know about this. But a lot has changed and hasn’t changed over the years. Babies will always be sought after

Very unethical.

Anonymous wrote:Fists of all befriending people at the ob/gyn community for the sake of finding a birth mom is bad advice.
There is HIPAA and the patient records are private.
A dr who arranges adoptions on the side is very dubious and at a risk of loosing his or her medical license

I know a pediatrician who “found” her baby like that. 16-18 (probably more like 18) years ago. Another pediatrician friend was bragging to me about it. I hardly knew that lady. A LOT of people know about this. But a lot has changed and hasn’t changed over the years. Babies will always be sought after

Fists of all befriending people at the ob/gyn community for the sake of finding a birth mom is bad advice.
There is HIPAA and the patient records are private.
A dr who arranges adoptions on the side is very dubious and at a risk of loosing his or her medical license

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I am comfortable with a long wait and with medical needs. I think I am more overwhelmed with how to start...and with the uncertainty. But I'd rather try than spend a lifetime wondering what could have been. thank you for the advice about the home study and signing up with multiple agencies.

If it doesn't have to be a newborn and you are ok with autism or tbi or similar, look at adoptuskids. Plenty of little kids with medical needs and you can get Medicaid and stipend. Some are legal risk placement (tpr hasn't happened yet), some won't go out of state, and some have to be adopted by native families because of icwa, but there are others who are available. Many have congenital disability, birth injury, or were abused as infants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From what I've seen, try and befriend people who are in the ob/gyn community. Doctors, nurses, etc. They often know of women who are seeking to find adoptive homes while they are still pregnant. Then all you need is an attorney.

I know a person in that field who had a young unmarried woman that indicated she wanted to find a home for her soon-to-be-born child.

Nurse essentially "sold" herself & her DH to the young woman, had an attorney draw up the paperwork for private adoption, and 3 days after birth she took the child home.

Many people may think this is wrong and unethical, but it isn't illegal and it happens a lot more than you think.

YIKES 😬

No wonder I got baby snatcher vibes during my daughter's NICU experience. You are telling me medical professionals are actually out there baby shopping at work.

Yes indeed. Take a motivated health care pro who has a frightened and confused pregnant teen during an exam, and watch them work it - for themselves or their friends/family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is they more unethical than what we do for race and appearance with sperm for purchase

Why is the baby I know who is ivf to single mom (single mom no siblings) i imaginably gorgeous and blond with huge blue eyes??

uh, my teacher- friend’s parents paid for that ! Her kid will go to the tony school where she teaches

Because the poster was describing adoption negotiations happening during a medical appointment. 😬

Ok. There may be levels.
However, just because we rename things to describe them in neutral terms, doesn’t make it ethical. What do I know? I also think “sex
work” is unethical.

We adopted our DD in 2012. We worked with Adoptions Together. Now they’re called Paths for Families. DD is happy and healthy, they talked is through the whole process and were very helpful.
Good luck OP. We have no regrets.

Designer babies, IVF and surrogacy have their own ethical issues. Baby shopping at work is something else and on a other level.

Anonymous wrote:How is they more unethical than what we do for race and appearance with sperm for purchase

Why is the baby I know who is ivf to single mom (single mom no siblings) i imaginably gorgeous and blond with huge blue eyes??

uh, my teacher- friend’s parents paid for that ! Her kid will go to the tony school where she teaches

Because the poster was describing adoption negotiations happening during a medical appointment. 😬