Your DH needs to set the tone by valuing what you do implicitly and explicitly every day.

If your kids are making comments like this maybe they aren’t involved enough to understand the work it takes or what money is worth. If your kids are buying Starbucks, SAHM or not, they should pay for it. That’s how they learn the value of work and money. Same with doing their own laundry and chores. That’s how they know what it takes to run a house, life, family.

Kids grow up and start to see you as humans and adults and have opinions about you and the way you live your life. They have these opinions without a lot of life experience themselves. It's normal. If you had a job, they'd say different things to you.

Be comfortable in your own skin and life and it won't bother you as much.

Anonymous wrote:Do you actually DO house stuff? Just asking bc my mom was a SAHM who watched tv and napped all day. She made dinner about four nights a week when I was little but eventually my dad took that over.

She'd drive us to after-school activities and otherwise didn't do much. But we were raised to never insult our parents so though we didn't respect her, didn't say anything about it to her face.

Sounds like she was depressed.

Do you actually DO house stuff? Just asking bc my mom was a SAHM who watched tv and napped all day. She made dinner about four nights a week when I was little but eventually my dad took that over.

She'd drive us to after-school activities and otherwise didn't do much. But we were raised to never insult our parents so though we didn't respect her, didn't say anything about it to her face.

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The issue with this (to me) is parents who both work do all these things for their children and their home. Adulting for most people looks like both parents holding down a job and doing all these things.

I think rather than react defensively, view it as an opportunity to have honest conversations about why it's a privilege to have the choice, pros and cons of the choice, why more often women do this than men, what it does to earning power, risks involved, rewards involved, why it was the right choice for you and what it means for your family. Ask them if they could see themselves doing this as parents and why. Listen to what they have to say. Treat them like thinking people and have a conversation with them about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Okay, but to a teenager, that’s a pretty lame way to spend day in and out. They probably see other moms who work and do the things you do.

I'm responding to YOU, who is seemingly not a teenager. You're the one who said "It isn’t the 1950s." And thank god for that because I can have my own credit card, own my own property, etc. I can also show up for my kids any time of day without outside help which is something I value. Doesn't make my way right or wrong, and I know I am more privileged than most.

Your kids are probably in private school and are headed to college. To see someone who did the same thing and then not work while living off a spouse financially is not a good look in their eyes. That opinion comes out as, “What do you do all day?”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Okay, but to a teenager, that’s a pretty lame way to spend day in and out. They probably see other moms who work and do the things you do.

I'm responding to YOU, who is seemingly not a teenager. You're the one who said "It isn’t the 1950s." And thank god for that because I can have my own credit card, own my own property, etc. I can also show up for my kids any time of day without outside help which is something I value. Doesn't make my way right or wrong, and I know I am more privileged than most.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Okay, but to a teenager, that’s a pretty lame way to spend day in and out. They probably see other moms who work and do the things you do.

Anonymous wrote:I don't let those comments pass. But I heard them when my kids were younger

"I've always made more than your dad and if he had a uterus, he'd be the one with you now."

For the rest, own your choices.

What?! Unless you said this to your newborn when you were recovering from giving birth, this is non-sensical. I have a uterus and I’m not a SAHM. My BIL does not have a uterus and he works part time and is the primary caregiver.

Anonymous wrote:Your children are incredibly rude.

Not OP, but.... a kid can make a rude comment and be corrected. It doesn't mean they are a rude person. Are you judgmental or just making a judgmental comment? Have you children never been wrong about anything? All in all your comment isn't helpful to the discussion.

Wow they have no manners what lepers

Sick hey their head checked

Anonymous wrote:Your children are incredibly rude.

+1. I'd plan a visit with friends or family for a week and let them fend for themselves.

Anonymous wrote:Yes I can totally relate. I graduated from college making more money than my husband got my masters degree etc. but at one point decided to be a SAHM for personal reasons. The other day I told my daughter she needed to reign back on the Starbucks as it’s connected to our credit card and she said it’s not even YOUR money it’s Dad‘s. Oh hell, no!

Starbucks sued their own union. She should boycott and save yall money on that principle alone.