Yes. I stayed home for a little while when life got crazy but I had to go back to work for my own sanity. I love to read and I used some of my time to really dive into hobbies, but it’s not the same as a career. At work, my thoughts and ideas are constantly challenged and tested by very intelligent people (I’m a lawyer). That type of intellectual rigor can’t be replicated by reading a book or even taking a class, unless you’re auditing a class at a university.

I got depressed on maternity leave with each kid. I know some of it was postpartum, but depression also runs in my family, and work helps me stay afloat. It's not that I love my job or don't love my kids. I need intellectual work, though. I do best when it's ~ 20 hours a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, there was no intellectual stimulation in the career I had. I was not surrounded by smart people. We all were just doing a job to earn a paycheck.

I love being a SAHM because it has allowed me the opportunity and time to expand my horizons. I teach my kids at home and I have basically studied in-depth all subjects that they are being taught from K-12 so that I could be a resource to them. Bad public school teachers, school closings, lack of textbooks, substitute teachers, poor curriculum did not faze me.

I also continue to read, study, take seminars, and learn new skills for my own enjoyment.

both my kids and I would rather poke our eyes out than me home school.

Agreed. I’m also not delusional enough to think I’m a better teacher than someone with a masters in education. Many (many!) people should not homeschool. That becomes more obvious once children are a bit older, at which point it’s much harder to catch up.

Yes! Idk why some sahms seem so defensive over this. One of the biggest things I miss is just.. talking to adults lol. I’ve made sure to carve out some extra time to fill that bucket. Poor DH used to get almost attacked when he got home I was so excited to have another adult to chat with.

I stayed home for almost 9 years with three kids, but eventually went back to work part time. I feel like now I’m living the best of both worlds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, there was no intellectual stimulation in the career I had. I was not surrounded by smart people. We all were just doing a job to earn a paycheck.

I love being a SAHM because it has allowed me the opportunity and time to expand my horizons. I teach my kids at home and I have basically studied in-depth all subjects that they are being taught from K-12 so that I could be a resource to them. Bad public school teachers, school closings, lack of textbooks, substitute teachers, poor curriculum did not faze me.

I also continue to read, study, take seminars, and learn new skills for my own enjoyment.

Sure you do boo

You sound very ill-bred.

Just like your mum

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, there was no intellectual stimulation in the career I had. I was not surrounded by smart people. We all were just doing a job to earn a paycheck.

I love being a SAHM because it has allowed me the opportunity and time to expand my horizons. I teach my kids at home and I have basically studied in-depth all subjects that they are being taught from K-12 so that I could be a resource to them. Bad public school teachers, school closings, lack of textbooks, substitute teachers, poor curriculum did not faze me.

I also continue to read, study, take seminars, and learn new skills for my own enjoyment.

both my kids and I would rather poke our eyes out than me home school.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but not enough to go back.

You can have goals and mentally stimulate yourself by keeping your house running like a well-oiled machine (decluttering, cleaning schedule to keep your home in pristine condition, yard work, preparing balanced meals, etc) and opportunities for hobbies and volunteering while kids are in school, or mommy and me activities that can enrich your child(ren) and you can have some conversation with other adults. Your days don’t have to be aimless if you plan out your days like you did at work. It took me about 5 years to get this.

I think this works well for people who enjoy optimizing systems or fixing processes — that kind of work.

Are your 2 older kids still going to daycare during your maternity leave? If so, you don’t really know what SAH is like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, there was no intellectual stimulation in the career I had. I was not surrounded by smart people. We all were just doing a job to earn a paycheck.

I love being a SAHM because it has allowed me the opportunity and time to expand my horizons. I teach my kids at home and I have basically studied in-depth all subjects that they are being taught from K-12 so that I could be a resource to them. Bad public school teachers, school closings, lack of textbooks, substitute teachers, poor curriculum did not faze me.

I also continue to read, study, take seminars, and learn new skills for my own enjoyment.

Sure you do boo

You sound very ill-bred.

I stopped working almost a decade ago. There are tradeoffs. When I was a working mom, I had NO time for myself. I didn’t have enough time with my kids. I mommy tracked so my job wasn’t all that interesting. Fortunately, DH earns a very high income and our family doesn’t need my income. I have a very full life raising my three children. I am able to read, have made many friends who are well educated and great company. Do I miss working? Of course some days I do.

Yes.

I get enough intellectual stimulation from my outside interests but I do really miss the daily interaction and relationships with my colleagues. Maybe most of this is because almost nobody else in my community SAH.

I will caveat this by saying that I always worked at least a little bit, sometimes as little as five hours a week, but I liked being home with my kids. I thought that being with my kids was intellectually stimulating. I’m a child psychiatrist and find child development pretty fascinating. I really liked watching my own kids think and develop and playing with them and talking about their dreams and fantasies.
If you are interested in learning more how a child’s mind develops, I suggest reading “The Magic Years” by Selma Fraiberg.
And like posters above, I made some really close SAHM friends through a playgroup that we had that met every Friday for five years.

Once my kids went to school, I found it pretty dull. There are still a lot of chores to do, so there isn’t as much free time as you think, but you just are kind of alone in your house or running errands unless you plan something in advance. I’m fortunate to be in a position where I could easily return to work and make enough money to pay a housekeeper.
If being a SAHM really had to be a lifelong decision even after kids went to school and grew up and left the house, I don’t think I would want to do it. If it’s something you can do for a while, it’s absolutely worth it.

No, but everyone is different. Keep working part time or get a nanny.