It isn’t clear how extensive the smaller twin’s medical issues are. But being the sibling of a kid with special needs presents its own challenges. This might be adding onto pressures associated with weight/size/appearance issues.

It might be time to put the kids in separate classes at school so they aren’t compared against each other as often. Support each kid developing their own interests and friend groups. And don’t talk about people’s bodies!

Anonymous wrote:The only person that needs therapy is you OP. You described your smaller twin girl as petite AND cute. You did not say the other is athletic AND cute. Shame on you, you are creating a very insecure child.

+1
And you can’t tell your child how she should be feeling. Put your girls in sports asap, and I bet the taller one will stand out. I also hope you’re consistently reminding them that kids leapfrog all over the place in size. My failure to thrive twin is now taller and better at sports than his twin, not that it matters bc it could all flip flop again in a year

As a tall girl terrible at sports, that is certainly not a guarantee.

It’s fine now, because as a tall woman (5’10) I still look good carrying a few extra pounds, where the petite women cannot gain without looking dumpy immediately. But junior high was terrible.

Anonymous wrote:Also, as a larger girl who was always tall and large: SPORTS! Make sure she’s involved in sports.

They both are and I thrives. I try to get her to see how she is so gifted but she’s so focused on her body.

I had this exact same scenario in my now grown children. For mine, the bigger one excelled more in athletics and socially. It evened out a bit. Say nothing about size and point out what both excel at.
Once mine finished elementary, they branched out a bit more and were looked at as less of a pair. That helped too.
Please lay off the OP. It’s OK to come here and be direct. She’s not saying this to her children. Trust me, plenty of other people will point it all out.

Anonymous wrote:My sister was a very tiny little kid. She hated being called cute and people treating her younger. I am surprised O is not the unhappy one.

That struck me too. OP calls one cute and petite and the other one “average but very athletic.” Is OP more focused on big v small or cute v not cute? Either way, if I were OP I would pick up book or do counseling session to learn good/bad ways to talk with both girls about body issues. Set up to fail talking to either girl if already thinking petite is better and Athletic build is the less enviable build.

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely get her in counseling and absolutely encourage sports and athleticism. As she gets older, she'll see she's more popular than her sister because she's more involved in sports and other activities.

I don't know about that. I was a cute, petite cheerleader and was very popular. It should not be a contest between the two sisters. I think the mom should start therapy herself first.

Anonymous wrote:Also, as a larger girl who was always tall and large: SPORTS! Make sure she’s involved in sports.

OP said her child is very athletic

Lean into it and find her sports. That will giver her a community thst evaluates her differently than the people she knows so far

I have 3 daughters close in age and it astonishes me how many comments we receive about how gorgeous one of them is (in front of her and her sisters). This is almost exclusively coming from 60+ adults. I hate when it happens.

FWIW I grew up close to a similar age cousin that was tiny as a child and I was tall and athletic. Not fat at all but not a waif. My aunt would always buy me clothes two too large as gifts and make comments comparing the two of us. 30 years ago and I still remember this.

To my moms credit she did tell me to
Ignore aunt Doris because she’s crazy. It sucks how the world wants women and girls to take up less space and values small and cute. I always had small and cute friends as a teen and compared myself. I had a mean boy neighbor who said I looked like a boy. However I was super into sports especially swimming and I actually was one of the smaller swimmer girls. That helped. But yeah I’m lucky I only mildly restricted food and sometimes over exercised.

Anonymous wrote:Not exactly the same, but I have three DDs. #1 and #3 are underweight and very thin. #2 is thin, but a 4 instead of a 0 or 2. I can tell it messes with her just because what she sees at home isn't the norm. But honestly, as they got into high school, DD#2 got the reinforcement she needed from peers. What girls find attractive is different than what boys find attractive.

Sounds like your home is primed for eating disorders. Good luck!

I had a friend in college who was considering "the fat one" amonst her 3 sisters; she was 5'5" and a size 4, before vanity sizing, so size 0/2 today. Her family struggled a ton with annorexia.

Anonymous wrote:My sister was a very tiny little kid. She hated being called cute and people treating her younger. I am surprised O is not the unhappy one.

My youngest is also petite and gets called cute all the time. She loves it. It is exacerbated by the fact she skipped a grade - just turned 9 (Dec) in 4th grade. It frustrates me thay she seeks this type of attention and gets others to carry her and baby her. I know it will end and she will want to be tall soon. I also used to be the tiny cute one. What I wouldn't give to be 5'8"+ instead of 5'1".

Not exactly the same, but I have three DDs. #1 and #3 are underweight and very thin. #2 is thin, but a 4 instead of a 0 or 2. I can tell it messes with her just because what she sees at home isn't the norm. But honestly, as they got into high school, DD#2 got the reinforcement she needed from peers. What girls find attractive is different than what boys find attractive.

My 5 ft tall 22 year old gets offered a kids menu occasionally! When she recently flew out to the West Coast to start her first job, the air line asked her if she was an unaccompanied minor! I have a feeling your smaller daughter will be the one griping soon enough.

Absolutely get her in counseling and absolutely encourage sports and athleticism. As she gets older, she'll see she's more popular than her sister because she's more involved in sports and other activities.