Anonymous
01/30/2025 21:12
Subject: Did your adult child know what they wanted to do at 18?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Only one of my ACs stuck with their original plan, hatched sophomore year of high school which was launching a tech business. The others all ended up in different fields than they thought they would. We did not push school as a path to career X that will pay Y. We always told them we supported their freedom to choose what to study, and when those choices didn’t have a clear career path, we encouraged them to create one.
A few people know what they want to do at 18 (not me!), but most really don’t. I think part of the benefit of college is finding things you’re passionate about and trying different things. We strongly encouraged them to make sure that they made effort with their professors, and clicking with mentors definitely helped them find their grooves.
Especially at a big state school, your daughter likely has Gen Ed to fulfill. I would tell her to stop worrying and see what she loves. Find your passion and then figure out how to make it pay you. Tell her it is fine to be open to possibilities now.
My cousin has had a very successful career in engineering and hated every minute of it. Her parents pressured her because she was so good at it. She loved art history. She’s spent her adult life wasting away dreading each day. Yes, she makes money, but she is so drained she doesn’t enjoy it. She should have studied what she loved and made it work.
H left his science career which he loved for tech. He thought it would be more lucrative and stable. He doesn’t hate his work but he doesn’t love it, and it’s not that stable- I think we actually would have been better off if he hadn’t made the change, and he would have been happier.
I actually find it bad advice to "find your passion" because literally 95% of adults have no passion. 95% of working adults have jobs that pay well and they find interesting enough, but if they won $10MM tomorrow they wouldn't keep doing their existing job in any form.
I am more realistic in that pursue things that interest you and make you reasonably happy, but don't try to invent a passion where none exists or will ever exist.
+1 I hate the passion line. Figure out what you can do well and can translate into a reasonably paying job. That's the best thing for most people.
People who have a passion don't need to be told to find it. That's one of my kids. She's loved the outdoors since she was very little, by high school had developed her passion for the environment with a particular interest in native plants and environmental restoration. That's what she's focusing on in college. Her specific path may adjust in time but she will absolutely end up doing something related to the environment.
OTOH, my son is good at math and picked a practical major where he can use his strengths. He doesn't LOVE it but finds it interesting enough to start a career.
Anonymous
01/30/2025 17:13
Subject: Did your adult child know what they wanted to do at 18?
Anonymous wrote:Only one of my ACs stuck with their original plan, hatched sophomore year of high school which was launching a tech business. The others all ended up in different fields than they thought they would. We did not push school as a path to career X that will pay Y. We always told them we supported their freedom to choose what to study, and when those choices didn’t have a clear career path, we encouraged them to create one.
A few people know what they want to do at 18 (not me!), but most really don’t. I think part of the benefit of college is finding things you’re passionate about and trying different things. We strongly encouraged them to make sure that they made effort with their professors, and clicking with mentors definitely helped them find their grooves.
Especially at a big state school, your daughter likely has Gen Ed to fulfill. I would tell her to stop worrying and see what she loves. Find your passion and then figure out how to make it pay you. Tell her it is fine to be open to possibilities now.
My cousin has had a very successful career in engineering and hated every minute of it. Her parents pressured her because she was so good at it. She loved art history. She’s spent her adult life wasting away dreading each day. Yes, she makes money, but she is so drained she doesn’t enjoy it. She should have studied what she loved and made it work.
H left his science career which he loved for tech. He thought it would be more lucrative and stable. He doesn’t hate his work but he doesn’t love it, and it’s not that stable- I think we actually would have been better off if he hadn’t made the change, and he would have been happier.
I actually find it bad advice to "find your passion" because literally 95% of adults have no passion. 95% of working adults have jobs that pay well and they find interesting enough, but if they won $10MM tomorrow they wouldn't keep doing their existing job in any form.
I am more realistic in that pursue things that interest you and make you reasonably happy, but don't try to invent a passion where none exists or will ever exist.
Anonymous
01/30/2025 16:27
Subject: Re:Did your adult child know what they wanted to do at 18?
One of my 3 knew and is following through with it.
My 1st dd had no clue and ended up leaving college and working.
My 2nd dd went to cosmetology school and decided it wasn't for her. Then enrolled in college majoring in business then changing to human services. She also left college and started working and has found her grove in a good paying job that she loves.
Dd #3 always wanted to be an esthetician from middle school and completed esthetician school and just passed her state licensing tests and is now licensed. She will be going back to esthetician school to get more certifications before looking for work.
My 1st dd had no clue and ended up leaving college and working.
My 2nd dd went to cosmetology school and decided it wasn't for her. Then enrolled in college majoring in business then changing to human services. She also left college and started working and has found her grove in a good paying job that she loves.
Dd #3 always wanted to be an esthetician from middle school and completed esthetician school and just passed her state licensing tests and is now licensed. She will be going back to esthetician school to get more certifications before looking for work.
Anonymous
01/30/2025 14:59
Subject: Did your adult child know what they wanted to do at 18?
I think most people don't know and having a firm direction at 18 is more unusual.
I felt like I had to know because both my siblings had had clear direction since elementary school. Sister wanted to be a nurse and brother wanted to be a computer programmer. Both are in their 50s now and still in those careers.
I ended up a business major because I took accounting in HS and thought it could be a decent career and I was good with math. But really, "business" is kind of the "undecided" major for people who don't want to say they are undecided. Fortunately, I did have the opportunity to explore a variety of options within that major and found a career path that felt like a good fit and I'm still in 30 years later.
She should take a variety of classes, get involved in things on campus, make note of interesting jobs she hears about, and eventually she will figure it out.
I felt like I had to know because both my siblings had had clear direction since elementary school. Sister wanted to be a nurse and brother wanted to be a computer programmer. Both are in their 50s now and still in those careers.
I ended up a business major because I took accounting in HS and thought it could be a decent career and I was good with math. But really, "business" is kind of the "undecided" major for people who don't want to say they are undecided. Fortunately, I did have the opportunity to explore a variety of options within that major and found a career path that felt like a good fit and I'm still in 30 years later.
She should take a variety of classes, get involved in things on campus, make note of interesting jobs she hears about, and eventually she will figure it out.
Anonymous
01/30/2025 13:30
Subject: Did your adult child know what they wanted to do at 18?
*and successfully managed to go through medical school despite of language barrier and imposter syndrome.