“What do you mean by that…?” Just keep asking open ended clarifying questions and watch their discomfort grow. You don’t need to argue with them or change their mind - you can either bring their biases / prejudices to their awareness to question them on their own or just see their true colors so you can decide whether you want to chat with them at all in the future

OP, let me guess, did you happen to vote for Kamala Harris?

You shouldn't go around policing what people say or think.

Depends on the comment. I sometimes say "That's not funny". But then there are other times where I say "That's hilarious".

It kind of depends on their timing, delivery, etc.

I usually like to go with a calm response like: "I actually prefer having people from different neighborhoods/communities," or "You might be surprised, but downtown is really nice," or "I tend to believe women when they say they got groped by a drunk man."

Sounds like you’re the problem if you look for this in every conversation with every person. Stop being a victim and grow up. Pathetic.

You’re insufferable, OP.

I've started calling my family when they say racist or bigoted things. I've found "what do you mean by that?" to be effective. They may not change their views, but at least I confront them to say the quiet part out loud and let them know I find it abhorrent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things like explicit references to women, and all the men laugh. Or coded messages about people in “the other neighborhoods” implying lack of morals due to lack of wealth. For example, a parent on my child’s sport team mentioned how she was happy the team was comprised of girls “within our neighborhood where we all raise our kids the same way.” I was shocked and am replaying the scene in my head. For a start, I could have said: What do you mean by that?

I think “what do you mean?” is about as good as you can get with a response to that. It is not super aggressive, which won’t get you anywhere.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:Things like explicit references to women, and all the men laugh. Or coded messages about people in “the other neighborhoods” implying lack of morals due to lack of wealth. For example, a parent on my child’s sport team mentioned how she was happy the team was comprised of girls “within our neighborhood where we all raise our kids the same way.” I was shocked and am replaying the scene in my head. For a start, I could have said: What do you mean by that?

Just do this. Make them explain it.

So you want a reply that is covert enough that they don't get it but you can still take credit for shooting down chauvinistic/misogynistic/racist comments?

If you're going to call them out, call them out. If not, then don't.

Anonymous wrote:Things like explicit references to women, and all the men laugh. Or coded messages about people in “the other neighborhoods” implying lack of morals due to lack of wealth. For example, a parent on my child’s sport team mentioned how she was happy the team was comprised of girls “within our neighborhood where we all raise our kids the same way.” I was shocked and am replaying the scene in my head. For a start, I could have said: What do you mean by that?

I think “what do you mean?” is about as good as you can get with a response to that. It is not super aggressive, which won’t get you anywhere.

Simply ignore/avoid/do not engage in any topics surrounding Race, Religion, Politics.

I've managed to be friends and cordial with some who I'm sure of are opposite everything of me ..

That's ok.

Seeking conflict is unlikely to be productive, will be awkward at best, and destructive to your relationships at worst. Forget about trying to impose your values on people outside your immediate family. Ignore such comments and distance yourself from the speakers if you want to, but trying to come up with snappy come-backs is going to be an exercise in futility and will merely invite them to consider you to be either ill-informed, overly sensitive, or deluded in your own convictions.

If you're just now realizing that not everyone shares the same values and perspectives, it's time to wake up. Focus on peaceful co-existence, not fomenting conflict. Changing hearts and minds will not happen just because you express your disagreement with others' values and points of view.

"Invite someone to reflect on their biases?"

Really, OP? A combative conversation with someone you barely know doesn't change hearts and minds.