Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A daughter talks to her Dad. Talks to her Dad because, especially, she thinks her Mom is not being rational. He has the power, the legal power for her care *you do not*

OP here. He’s a hopeless case. He has always enabled her. There is no reasoning with him, either. I have tried. He does what she says, probably as someone else upthread said, to survive.

My mother was difficult like this. You can’t do anything. Eventually I was like “I don’t want to hear any more about this until you’ve seen a doctor like I suggested. Until then I’m not going to listen to you complain about it.” And hang up. It sometimes worked and if not, I didn’t have to participate.

NP - same. I had to tell my mom explicitly she had to call 911 when she couldn’t walk for DAYS, even while asking me to come over and bring her food. I told her I wouldn’t leave until she did. It worked that time, but there were other times when it didn’t and I’d have to say I was sorry for whatever it was, but I was not the one who could help her.

I would say "oof Mom you should go get that x-rayed" ONE TIME. Why are you so involved? My parents are incredibly self sufficient. If they don't want medical care, OKAY. Stop giving her so much attention for acting like a toddler.

Unless you suspect she has dementia I would not involve myself at all. "Sorry your foot still hurts mom" and move on with the conversation.

You're going to end up like us. We eventually had to trick my mom into a nursing home because she would otherwise refuse to go even though completely unsafe for her to be on her own. She would have preferred to continue making dumb decisions and make us miserable as we try to live our lives

Anonymous wrote:See how long she can hold her breath.

This. I cannot stand when people play these games. I've suggested what you need to do multiple times and you won't do it. Fine. I don't want to hear you complaining about it anymore. Call me when you actually want to follow through with getting help. My mom is manipulative at best, emotionally abusive at worst. Once I stopped playing into her games, my emotional well being became much better. And it took awhile but once she realized it wasn't working on me anymore, she started to change too. Our relationship is better now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A daughter talks to her Dad. Talks to her Dad because, especially, she thinks her Mom is not being rational. He has the power, the legal power for her care *you do not*

OP here. He’s a hopeless case. He has always enabled her. There is no reasoning with him, either. I have tried. He does what she says, probably as someone else upthread said, to survive.

My mother was difficult like this. You can’t do anything. Eventually I was like “I don’t want to hear any more about this until you’ve seen a doctor like I suggested. Until then I’m not going to listen to you complain about it.” And hang up. It sometimes worked and if not, I didn’t have to participate.

This. I might send over a knee scooter or a orthotic boot and her to at least put those on.

I have a mother who also won’t go to the Dr, but it’s got things like pneumonia or covid. She will allow herself to get insanely sick, her breathing is affected, and no matter how hard I beg, she won’t go. She’s almost died before, and she will just say “I didn’t know it would that bad” but the next time she gets sick the cycle repeats itself.

What I try is say: what’s the worse that can happen mom? You could die, we don’t want that. Please go. And sometimes that works. Obviously for a broken foot it wouldn’t be as severe but with anxiety if you can talk out what’s the worst that can happen maybe it will work.

So what’s the worst? She has a broken foot; ok then maybe she’d have to wear a cast and use crutches or have a walking boot for 2 months. The best is that it’s not broken and she just needs some Tylenol and to elevate it. If she says it out loud, maybe she can face the worst scenario she has in her head that’s stopping her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A daughter talks to her Dad. Talks to her Dad because, especially, she thinks her Mom is not being rational. He has the power, the legal power for her care *you do not*

OP here. He’s a hopeless case. He has always enabled her. There is no reasoning with him, either. I have tried. He does what she says, probably as someone else upthread said, to survive.

If you can’t talk to her you can
-inform her PCP (they can’t tell you anything but can listen, and they’re mandatory reporters so they can do another thing which you could:

-Call adult protective services

-Petition for conservatorship/guardianship

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A daughter talks to her Dad. Talks to her Dad because, especially, she thinks her Mom is not being rational. He has the power, the legal power for her care *you do not*

OP here. He’s a hopeless case. He has always enabled her. There is no reasoning with him, either. I have tried. He does what she says, probably as someone else upthread said, to survive.

My mother was difficult like this. You can’t do anything. Eventually I was like “I don’t want to hear any more about this until you’ve seen a doctor like I suggested. Until then I’m not going to listen to you complain about it.” And hang up. It sometimes worked and if not, I didn’t have to participate.

Anonymous wrote:A daughter talks to her Dad. Talks to her Dad because, especially, she thinks her Mom is not being rational. He has the power, the legal power for her care *you do not*

OP here. He’s a hopeless case. He has always enabled her. There is no reasoning with him, either. I have tried. He does what she says, probably as someone else upthread said, to survive.

Op, you and Dad together need to take her to the hospital. He needs to insist.

Anonymous wrote:The spouse absolutely has ALL the legal power once the patient is legally deemed incapable.

- not the children

Right. When my dad was in the process of declining and nd passing from parkinson's, my mom was his legal power of attorney. I only took over when she became incapacitated during a hospitalization. When she was competent she made all the decisions legally.

See how long she can hold her breath.

There is nothing you can do. Tell her your sorry she's in pain and that you will help her if she needs anything, so please ask. Then, talk to her about something positive and when you hang up feel the grief you feel.

BTDT.

The spouse absolutely has ALL the legal power once the patient is legally deemed incapable.

- not the children

Anonymous wrote:I would start yelling at her.

That's just cruel. OP's mom is terrified. That's what medical anxiety is - a mental illness. She can't think logically.

Anonymous wrote:A daughter talks to her Dad. Talks to her Dad because, especially, she thinks her Mom is not being rational. He has the power, the legal power for her care *you do not*

A spouse has no legal power.
Are you crazy?