Anonymous
01/19/2025 20:48
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
At 15 they should have a pretty good idea of their strengths and weaknesses. Ask guiding questions about their performance, see what you get. Does it sound like they know where they are good, where they need to improve, what they need to do to work on those things? Are they doing those things? If not, why not? How can you help them achieve their goals?
How do they plan to get into those colleges? Coaches should be able to help some in this area, but this is also on you and him.
Ultimately they want to do it at least as much as you do, if not more. You might need to keep them on track, help them get organized etc. etc. that adults are better at doing than young teens, but ultimately you can't make them better, you can only facilitate the opportunities and make the path a bit easier.
I'll leave this this though, "Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child."
How do they plan to get into those colleges? Coaches should be able to help some in this area, but this is also on you and him.
Ultimately they want to do it at least as much as you do, if not more. You might need to keep them on track, help them get organized etc. etc. that adults are better at doing than young teens, but ultimately you can't make them better, you can only facilitate the opportunities and make the path a bit easier.
I'll leave this this though, "Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child."
Anonymous
01/19/2025 20:19
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Does the team have Veo? Let your kid watch themselves and then they can see when they play well and when they don’t.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 20:00
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Anonymous wrote:The pass back vs forward is literally a metric for college coaches. Silly or not, it matters if you want to play in college.
Yep. My kids had to break their obsessive first touch back. Even with zero pressure they went back. Look my kid was spring of senior year and it was t until college coaches were telling him that he needs to go forward in those situations as he started to. It was a crutch- the safe pass back as first instinct. Yes- passing back is needed and ok but not all of the time
Anonymous
01/19/2025 19:57
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Anonymous wrote:I laughed at the pass back critique.
This is such an American perspective- in our high school game the crowd literally boos with pass backs. It’s bull**t.
Watch any La liga or EPL game and count the pass backs. You will see hundreds of them.
Look, if your kid is playing on possession-based team then pass backs are a way to exploit the switch to the other side of the field.
Also, there is a TON of politics in American soccer - I know a kid who plays ECNL who was benched by high school coach - it’s a by product of pay to play system and poor coaching.
Ever read the work of Martin EP Seligman at Penn? Externalization is a technique to deal with failures - and keep going. Your son may be exhibiting what high level sales folks exhibit - sign of deep persistence.
Sounds like your kid has some gifts and is an optimist while you are likely rewarded at work for severe pessimism? (Litigator perchance?)
Give your kid meta cognitive tools rather than simply play the tough 1950s tell-it-like-it-is Dad.
Good luck!
My kid was cut from HS and playing Division 1 now. I’m not joking. Real fkd up HS program
Anonymous
01/19/2025 19:38
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Are games or practices taped. It can be helpful to watch and gently nudge them to really look at themselves compared to some of the better players. They can often see it for themselves that way without you having to actually say anything.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 18:36
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m tough on my son and he is only 6. I need to check myself.
Kids change a lot by age 8-9. They start to say no alot and pushback. Critical parents of young kids, the kids will take the criticism and not like it, then when they are older, they don’t like it and then they wont want to participate in sports.
It’s good to check yourself.
Heard!!!
Anonymous
01/19/2025 17:13
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
The pass back vs forward is literally a metric for college coaches. Silly or not, it matters if you want to play in college.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 17:06
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Anonymous wrote:I’m tough on my son and he is only 6. I need to check myself.
Kids change a lot by age 8-9. They start to say no alot and pushback. Critical parents of young kids, the kids will take the criticism and not like it, then when they are older, they don’t like it and then they wont want to participate in sports.
It’s good to check yourself.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 16:48
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
I’m tough on my son and he is only 6. I need to check myself.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 13:10
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Thanks for those who provided sympathy and real feedback! Truly helpful. I have some good ideas now.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 12:30
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Anonymous wrote:I laughed at the pass back critique.
This is such an American perspective- in our high school game the crowd literally boos with pass backs. It’s bull**t.
Watch any La liga or EPL game and count the pass backs. You will see hundreds of them.
Look, if your kid is playing on possession-based team then pass backs are a way to exploit the switch to the other side of the field.
Also, there is a TON of politics in American soccer - I know a kid who plays ECNL who was benched by high school coach - it’s a by product of pay to play system and poor coaching.
Ever read the work of Martin EP Seligman at Penn? Externalization is a technique to deal with failures - and keep going. Your son may be exhibiting what high level sales folks exhibit - sign of deep persistence.
Sounds like your kid has some gifts and is an optimist while you are likely rewarded at work for severe pessimism? (Litigator perchance?)
Give your kid meta cognitive tools rather than simply play the tough 1950s tell-it-like-it-is Dad.
Good luck!
This. This is why we only provide feedback on effort and work rate. Coaches coach and parents should not opine to their children about how to play and decision making. Also, do not take feedback from a HS coach seriously unless HS level soccer is what you hope for your child.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 12:24
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Anonymous wrote:I laughed at the pass back critique.
This is such an American perspective- in our high school game the crowd literally boos with pass backs. It’s bull**t.
Watch any La liga or EPL game and count the pass backs. You will see hundreds of them.
Look, if your kid is playing on possession-based team then pass backs are a way to exploit the switch to the other side of the field.
Also, there is a TON of politics in American soccer - I know a kid who plays ECNL who was benched by high school coach - it’s a by product of pay to play system and poor coaching.
Ever read the work of Martin EP Seligman at Penn? Externalization is a technique to deal with failures - and keep going. Your son may be exhibiting what high level sales folks exhibit - sign of deep persistence.
Sounds like your kid has some gifts and is an optimist while you are likely rewarded at work for severe pessimism? (Litigator perchance?)
Give your kid meta cognitive tools rather than simply play the tough 1950s tell-it-like-it-is Dad.
Good luck!
I am a previous poster and interested in sports motivation and youth development. It's a hard topic and everyone needs help with it... it's been said, even the English football academies that recruit players as young as 8 have not figured out how to spot a great player at a young age.
-So thanks for pointing out the work of Seligman, re:[url]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Seligman
I think using his viewpoint can be a helpful way to look at this problem.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 11:16
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
My son has always been a decent player but wasn’t a star. He is a one sport kid, practicing at every chance he got, hitting the gym when he’s off the field, and watching lots of pro games. As parents we couldn’t give him much help on soccer except always complimenting him and believing in him. We didn’t get him private training or switching club as he didn’t ask for that and honestly we didn’t have the luxury of time and money. Then at the age of 16 or so, he suddenly became the most reliable goal scorer on his team. We feel the biggest difference is he plays a lot smarter than before. It often seems like he was just in the right place at the right time. Bulking up also helps him win many one-on-ones.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 09:53
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
I laughed at the pass back critique.
This is such an American perspective- in our high school game the crowd literally boos with pass backs. It’s bull**t.
Watch any La liga or EPL game and count the pass backs. You will see hundreds of them.
Look, if your kid is playing on possession-based team then pass backs are a way to exploit the switch to the other side of the field.
Also, there is a TON of politics in American soccer - I know a kid who plays ECNL who was benched by high school coach - it’s a by product of pay to play system and poor coaching.
Ever read the work of Martin EP Seligman at Penn? Externalization is a technique to deal with failures - and keep going. Your son may be exhibiting what high level sales folks exhibit - sign of deep persistence.
Sounds like your kid has some gifts and is an optimist while you are likely rewarded at work for severe pessimism? (Litigator perchance?)
Give your kid meta cognitive tools rather than simply play the tough 1950s tell-it-like-it-is Dad.
Good luck!
This is such an American perspective- in our high school game the crowd literally boos with pass backs. It’s bull**t.
Watch any La liga or EPL game and count the pass backs. You will see hundreds of them.
Look, if your kid is playing on possession-based team then pass backs are a way to exploit the switch to the other side of the field.
Also, there is a TON of politics in American soccer - I know a kid who plays ECNL who was benched by high school coach - it’s a by product of pay to play system and poor coaching.
Ever read the work of Martin EP Seligman at Penn? Externalization is a technique to deal with failures - and keep going. Your son may be exhibiting what high level sales folks exhibit - sign of deep persistence.
Sounds like your kid has some gifts and is an optimist while you are likely rewarded at work for severe pessimism? (Litigator perchance?)
Give your kid meta cognitive tools rather than simply play the tough 1950s tell-it-like-it-is Dad.
Good luck!
Anonymous
01/19/2025 09:12
Subject: When kid is ok but not awesome
Maybe it’s time for you to realize your kid is just ok at soccer and not awesome. And that’s ok. Accept your kid for who they are not what you wish they could be.