Anonymous
Post 01/19/2025 09:17     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't a cate facility medicate her at night? They would not have someone sitting with her...


Not sitting with her, but around and awake, and checking on her regularly. Plus memory care units usually have some means of keeping patients from eloping (my dad was somewhere where you had to punch in the year before opening the door to the wing or an alarm would sound)


I think my father was medicated at night. Otherwise he would try to get out of bed (and was completely unable to do so).
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2025 09:09     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't a cate facility medicate her at night? They would not have someone sitting with her...


Not sitting with her, but around and awake, and checking on her regularly. Plus memory care units usually have some means of keeping patients from eloping (my dad was somewhere where you had to punch in the year before opening the door to the wing or an alarm would sound)
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 23:22     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Wouldn't a cate facility medicate her at night? They would not have someone sitting with her...
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 23:21     Subject: Re:Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP again - the basement bedroom is legal.


It has a window big enough for firefighters to enter / exit? Also has hard wired smoke detectors?(Sorry if it does! A lot of people don't know what legal basement bedroom entails)


NP. Why do you care? God, Americans can be such insufferable busy bodies. Mind your own business!
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 23:18     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
OP, our care agency we use has an "awake" rate and a "sleeping" rate. The awake rate is higher. I think you need the awake rate, from what you've described.

And yes it's fine to expect them to do laundry, etc.

It sounds like it's not essential for the aide to be there every single night. Meaning if there is a no show, you can fill in. Thus, I'd consider private hire. It will be cheaper and you can negotiate the terms and the aide will get more of the money.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 23:16     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
I second the poster about the effects on your children. Just be aware of how fearful and unsettling it can be. I was 12 when my grandma was in this state and it was frightening. And this state inevitably leads to the next (and worse) one. You are treading water and should be considering next options (memory care).
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 23:05     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
My sympathies, OP. We dealt with this with my FIL and wound up hiring aides to watch him overnight. I think laundry is feasible if the machines won’t wake your mother up.

During the day, can your mother be in the basement level by herself, or will she always have to be in the common living areas when there is no aide with her. Is that an issue?
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 22:58     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
How old are your children. Of course in many ways you are teaching your children wonderful lessons by being so caring and watchful over your mother. BUT please don't underestimate the uneasiness or even fear they may feel. Pr
I would guess that having an elderly woman with dementia waking them up in the middle of the night creating chaos is really unnerving for them, even if it is their grandmother. Please be sure that you are giving your children opportunities to talk about how they are feeling.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 22:09     Subject: Re:Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here - We are trying that but so far, its not really working. I'm concerned that the amount of meds that it will take to knock her out may worsen her dementia. But yes, its definitely an option we are exploring. Just thinking about a backup plan.


Her dementia is already getting worse and will inevitably get worse no matter what you do. I would really try to have her not sleep during the day and to medicate her so she sleeps through the night. I started posting a big sign on my mother's door at night and closing the door and making sure the shades were open so she could realize it was night. So if she got up in the middle of the night when she went to open the door she would read it. I would write things like - It is nighttime and everyone is sleeping. Look out the window and see how dark it is. No one is coming to pick you up now. You do not have any appointments. Please go back to bed until morning and the sun comes up.

I also bought the big dementia clocks that have the time of day also listed. Eventually that didn't work so her doctor prescribed medication. Ultimately she needed to be in a memory care facility. Don't underestimate the effects of lack of sleep on you and your family. You need to put yourselves first or she will just keep dragging you down. I wish I had realized this much earlier.


Thank you for this. - OP
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 21:59     Subject: Re:Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - We are trying that but so far, its not really working. I'm concerned that the amount of meds that it will take to knock her out may worsen her dementia. But yes, its definitely an option we are exploring. Just thinking about a backup plan.


Her dementia is already getting worse and will inevitably get worse no matter what you do. I would really try to have her not sleep during the day and to medicate her so she sleeps through the night. I started posting a big sign on my mother's door at night and closing the door and making sure the shades were open so she could realize it was night. So if she got up in the middle of the night when she went to open the door she would read it. I would write things like - It is nighttime and everyone is sleeping. Look out the window and see how dark it is. No one is coming to pick you up now. You do not have any appointments. Please go back to bed until morning and the sun comes up.

I also bought the big dementia clocks that have the time of day also listed. Eventually that didn't work so her doctor prescribed medication. Ultimately she needed to be in a memory care facility. Don't underestimate the effects of lack of sleep on you and your family. You need to put yourselves first or she will just keep dragging you down. I wish I had realized this much earlier.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 21:49     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:I think she shouldn't be living with you. She needs to be in a care facility. What if she keeps waking up but doesn't seek you out? What if she leaves the house or tries to drive to "work" or the "bank"?


Or wanders off. Good points.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 21:45     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:Are your kitchen and laundry room in the basement?
The caregiver should not be on a different floor than your mom.


Yeah, basement laundry - which is why I hate doing it. There's a kitchenette down there.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 21:44     Subject: Re:Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP again - the basement bedroom is legal.


It has a window big enough for firefighters to enter / exit? Also has hard wired smoke detectors?(Sorry if it does! A lot of people don't know what legal basement bedroom entails)


No I appreciate the concern. It is actually a walk-out basement with a door, which is why she's not down there now.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 21:43     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Are your kitchen and laundry room in the basement?
The caregiver should not be on a different floor than your mom.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2025 21:40     Subject: Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think she shouldn't be living with you. She needs to be in a care facility. What if she keeps waking up but doesn't seek you out? What if she leaves the house or tries to drive to "work" or the "bank"?


Actually the most dangerous is trying to cook a meal. My grandmother did that. They had to remove the knobs from the oven at night or risked her burning the house down.


OP - this is an interesting point that I hadn't really considered. My mom never liked to cook even before the dementia so she never messes with the stove But things can and do change . . .