Put an ad up as an escort. It will validate that men find you appealing.

1) Your lack of self worth and confidence is what people are picking up on. It may be they think you are aloof, boring or in some way simply uninterested.

2) you have to show interest. To become friendly with someone you have to show interest in them on any level, small interactions grow in length and number

3) people are busy and don’t want to spend time with a someone who needs constant affirmations or convincing to have fun

4) friendship takes time

Anonymous wrote:First off, you need to practice some personal, self-love.

If you think you are ugly, worthless, etc. I imagine you are projecting all of that toxicity around to anyone who even comes into contact with you.

Also you DO need to make effort.
Especially if you are older.
It’s just how things evolve.

Take more pride in your appearance….
Try to look better than simply presentable.

Be interesting.
Partake in a hobby, volunteer your time + service to a cause that you are passionate about.
Doing this will definitely make you a more interesting as well as attractive person.

You might also consider seeking therapy if you are finding it difficult to get out of your negative mindset.

No one should ever walk around telling themselves that they are ugly.

All the best to you. 🤗

+1

First off, you need to practice some personal, self-love.

If you think you are ugly, worthless, etc. I imagine you are projecting all of that toxicity around to anyone who even comes into contact with you.

Also you DO need to make effort.
Especially if you are older.
It’s just how things evolve.

Take more pride in your appearance….
Try to look better than simply presentable.

Be interesting.
Partake in a hobby, volunteer your time + service to a cause that you are passionate about.
Doing this will definitely make you a more interesting as well as attractive person.

You might also consider seeking therapy if you are finding it difficult to get out of your negative mindset.

No one should ever walk around telling themselves that they are ugly.

All the best to you. 🤗

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I dont know how to make small talk. Can you please help me learn?

I agree its a 2 way street. 100%. However should I initite every single time? I have done it in the past and it never leads anywhere. No I don’t put myself out there. I don’t know I expect someone to just appear and chase me. Im being serious.

I crave constant validation especially from men.

Yeah, saying you crave constant validation from men is a huge red flag. You need therapy for sure - you should be able to give yourself your own validation. You know who's really great at small talk? Hairdressers. That's how I really honed the art of it.

I want validation.
When I get compliments I know for a fact they’re lying
My brain just so messed up.
Every waking minute is torture

This sounds like very serious depression, OP. Your thinking is probably distorted.

Anonymous wrote:
I wake up - go to work - come home - repeat.

What do I have to do to meet someone?
I think I’m not normal or mentally ill or something. Why does no one like me?

I have no friends or partner and yes I make 0 effort, however statistically speaking even if I make 0 effort I should have atleast a few people. But am I that unlikeable? Disgusting? Hard to look at? Worthless?
I am a shame to this world and my species.
Speaking of effort, I did try to initiate in high school, that never went well.

All this I keep in my head, I act normal in real life ofc I wouldnt go on this tangent at work. But I am just miserable from this.
No one likes me and Im ugly. That must be it. How do I help myself?

Nope. Zero effort gets you zero friends. At least as an adult. I'm highly introverted and don't have a lot of energy. It's resulted in my being unable to keep any friendships up. It takes real effort to do so, especially the older we get. I watched a video about why it is so hard to make friends and keep them as we get older and it is because you need 3 things: 1) proximity, 2) to basically be in the same stage in life or at least dealing with similar things, and 3) energy/vibe -- which is that thing where you just like someone and are willing to put the effort in to keeping connected. It's actually really, really hard to hit all three as an adult.

I have a DH (that was relatively easy for me, because of looks). Thank heavens for him, because he's great. But I really can't keep up with anyone else. Just truly don't have the energy.

I'm guessing you are not unlikeable at all -- you are probably totally likeable. It's just the zero effort thing. Know that you are not alone with this issue. Especially in an area like DC with many being so transient.

There are good books on how to make small talk and carry conversation. Learning a few tricks could help. Developing interests will make you more interesting too. Try to take some small steps like these and see what happens. I’m sorry you are down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you looking for or getting valiudation from men? Online?

It doesn't sound like you really interact with people. I am sure people have initiatiated conversations with you...but then you have to do your part to stay engaged and continue the conversation. And that is just to get started interacting.

No im not online. I dont go out of my way to get any attention. I just crave it. Im so jealous of everyone who has it easy when it comes to having friends etc

OP, I'm an introvert who was bullied all through school - K-12 - by both schoolmates and family. I went into adulthood with the mindset that nobody ever wanted to be associated with me, because that's how it was for me as a child. Having friends has NOT come easily to me - I've had to learn from mistakes, be friends with people who give a lot of grace, and work really, really hard at it. Like, I have stood a block away from a party I'm attending and cry out the stress, before wiping my face and going in. I have had to call one friend to give me a pep talk to go meet other friends. Making and being a friend takes concentrated effort.

I think you definitely need therapy - it can only be helpful to you!

OP - I suspect you have a lot of great qualities, but you are kind of telling yourself "no" on many fronts before anyone else even gets the chance to meet you.

I really encourage you to try working with a therapist- sometimes takes a few to find the right fit, persist.

Re: looks - those are a "door opener" but I bet all of us on this thread can tell stories of someone we became attracted to NOT to do wtih looks - as we gradually got to know them. I say all this to emphasize - even if you are ugly (and I'm sure you're not) - even then - there is a match for you. But I think some therapy and exploration here will help.

The thing with therapy is it will work better if you become an active partner in trying to do some effort as guided by your therapist to make change - so you will have to do work to make it work.

I believe there are bright moments ahead for you OP - I wish you success, and I acknowledge your frustration. Sending a boost from suburbia.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I dont know how to make small talk. Can you please help me learn?

I agree its a 2 way street. 100%. However should I initite every single time? I have done it in the past and it never leads anywhere. No I don’t put myself out there. I don’t know I expect someone to just appear and chase me. Im being serious.

I crave constant validation especially from men.

Yeah, saying you crave constant validation from men is a huge red flag. You need therapy for sure - you should be able to give yourself your own validation. You know who's really great at small talk? Hairdressers. That's how I really honed the art of it.

I want validation. When I get compliments I know for a fact they’re lying. My brain just so messed up. Every waking minute is torture

You said you have a job. So hopefully that comes with health insurance. Line up a therapist. You need help. More help than kind people on a message board can give. You need professional help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you looking for or getting valiudation from men? Online?

It doesn't sound like you really interact with people. I am sure people have initiatiated conversations with you...but then you have to do your part to stay engaged and continue the conversation. And that is just to get started interacting.

No im not online. I dont go out of my way to get any attention. I just crave it. Im so jealous of everyone who has it easy when it comes to having friends etc

See, it's not easy. Some people make it look easy, but you don't know how these social people feel later on at home. It is exhausting! Most people love to talk about themselves, their interests and the kids or pets. Social adept people ask all the right questions to get a person talking. These people then feeling good about themselves and that good feeling is attributed to the social person. Problem is, no one asks her about her interests, etc.

A lot of people get drawn to me because I listen to them talking about themselves. I’m naturally very curious and ask a lot of questions which makes people talk even more. OP, start caring about other people, ask questions about them and really listen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you looking for or getting valiudation from men? Online?

It doesn't sound like you really interact with people. I am sure people have initiatiated conversations with you...but then you have to do your part to stay engaged and continue the conversation. And that is just to get started interacting.

No im not online. I dont go out of my way to get any attention. I just crave it. Im so jealous of everyone who has it easy when it comes to having friends etc

See, it's not easy. Some people make it look easy, but you don't know how these social people feel later on at home. It is exhausting! Most people love to talk about themselves, their interests and the kids or pets. Social adept people ask all the right questions to get a person talking. These people then feeling good about themselves and that good feeling is attributed to the social person. Problem is, no one asks her about her interests, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider working with a therapist or life coach to help you reach your goal of finding friends and a partner. I won't sugar coat it, your low self esteem and and how you've written about yourself here are off putting. You claim you don't express this in real life, but you certainly project it. People are drawn to confident and happy people. We recoil from tense, hateful or bitter people. You want to elevate the vibes you put off.

When Im at work Im not social.
So even in social situations Im not engaging. I have been bullied in HS so I always second guess and overthink.
You are right I do project it.
Is going to a therapist a panacea though? I know many people in therapy and they are still miserable

A therapist could help you work through the effects of the bullying you suffered. A life coach can help you set goals and mini goals. Many people who are in therapy are miserable because changing oneself is hard. Many of us have trauma to work through which involves feeling emotional pain. Through that misery, we grow.

Anonymous wrote:Where are you looking for or getting valiudation from men? Online?

It doesn't sound like you really interact with people. I am sure people have initiatiated conversations with you...but then you have to do your part to stay engaged and continue the conversation. And that is just to get started interacting.

No im not online. I dont go out of my way to get any attention. I just crave it. Im so jealous of everyone who has it easy when it comes to having friends etc

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I dont know how to make small talk. Can you please help me learn?

I agree its a 2 way street. 100%. However should I initite every single time? I have done it in the past and it never leads anywhere. No I don’t put myself out there. I don’t know I expect someone to just appear and chase me. Im being serious.

I crave constant validation especially from men.

Yeah, saying you crave constant validation from men is a huge red flag. You need therapy for sure - you should be able to give yourself your own validation. You know who's really great at small talk? Hairdressers. That's how I really honed the art of it.

I want validation.
When I get compliments I know for a fact they’re lying
My brain just so messed up.
Every waking minute is torture