Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you say something if you felt your DD carries most of the physical, logistical and emotional burden in a relationship as otherwise great partner is too busy with his job and inept due to his ADHD and social anxiety?

Yeah...i would tell your DD to get rid of the ADHD partner yesterday.

1/2 the relationship forum is a spouse regretting marrying and having kids with someone with ADHD or whatever other problems.

It only gets 100x worse when kids come along.

Agree. The risk of marrying someone who is dysfunctional due to ADHD is not dissimilar from the risk of marrying someone who is dysfunctional because of addiction or depression. It can affect your daughter's life, something she won't understand until she has kids and finds herself with the pressure of providing for the family, managing the household and kids, and managing a dysfunctional partner (it is much harder to manage a difunctional partner than to have no partner simply). I wish my parents had spoken up before I married my first husband, and so do they. The generic advice not to interfere with your adult children's relationships doesn't apply to this situation. Please find a way to help them by ensuring the lines of communication are open and that they don't feel judged or shamed by you. Help them see why this is a mistake without shutting them out.

Honestly, this relationship does not sound promising. But you can't just come right out and say that to her, lest you risk alienating your relationship with her.

I think you should talk to her about her self esteem. Build her up. Tell her she deserves more. Give her affirmation that she's doing a lot. Ask how she envisions her future. Basically, ask open ended questions and keep the line of communication open. Offer her an emotional safe harbor without doling out judgment on her partner.