Anonymous wrote:Reliving high school is bad enough that it’s tougher now with social media but seeing my teens go through all those hurdles having ADHD, dyslexia, lack of social cues, and bullying on top of it is giving me nightmares like when I was young. Anyone else?

I thought, hoped, my kids would be different with all the camps, counseling, and classes but nope, they are experiencing negativity all around. Doesn’t help our circle of friends are tiger, accomplishing families. I don’t show my kids but my heart breaks fir them and fir me too. Sucks, I thought I left those feelings a long time ago. Hurts now as much as it did then.

Yes, I get it. I always thought I would be this powerful mom who would never let her child experience any of the things I suffered through, but when it actually happened there wasn't much I could do. However, there are some things I have managed to spare him from. For example, I have been fierce about not allowing bullying at the school. Lucky for me, there have been very few instances, as my kid ended up growing pretty big at the end of elementary school and naturally didn't invite that treatment. I also found a great camp to send him to when he was younger. I shopped around a lot, and found one where there was a great sense of community and belonging year after year. So I knew I could count on summers being good, at least. I paid for tutoring when necessary, did all the paperwork for special ed and pushed for it to be followed. It was hard, but I forced myself to speak up. Finally, I do not compare my kid to anyone else's and don't really look at friends' social media. They all exaggerate their kids' accomplishments anyway, and nothing is as good as it looks.

You are not a loser shit

You need to work on your self esteem, OP.

I was shy as a child. I never felt like a loser. I moved around a lot. At some schools, I made friends quickly. Other schools I had none and missed my old friends. I still never thought of myself as a loser.

I would work on what makes you happy, what makes your child happy and focus on that. It is easy to get bogged down with the negatives. You have to choose happiness.

I think mean girl cliques actually put up with a lot more bullying. They just become more immune to it and see others doing it so they go along. Part of life is just to stop expecting that this behavior will ever go away and learn to distance yourself and have it affect you less.

My parents were kind socially gracious people with lots of friends.

I just mirrored them- social skills came easily and naturally.

OP- I’m honestly a little surprised you run in a tiger mom circle. Those are hard to break into and full of people who care about status or accomplishments over heart, kindness, and individuality. Why are you doing this?

Ugh, I’m sorry. One of my high school aged DC has similar issues and it is so hard to watch. Both DH and I were the same in high school. My other high schooler is super social and has a lot of friends.

I just try to remember that HS is just a brief time in life and is hard for a LOT of kids. Many of whom go on to have wonderful college experiences (as both DH and I did)!

I think parents of more more popular/high achieving kids also talk about it a lot more. .

Also- as someone else said- different kids, different problems. A lot of the more “popular” kids are a bit fast…at least at our high school. I have to keep a close eye on my more social high schooler, and worry just as much about that- just different types of worries.

Anonymous wrote:Reliving high school is bad enough that it’s tougher now with social media but seeing my teens go through all those hurdles having ADHD, dyslexia, lack of social cues, and bullying on top of it is giving me nightmares like when I was young. Anyone else?

I thought, hoped, my kids would be different with all the camps, counseling, and classes but nope, they are experiencing negativity all around. Doesn’t help our circle of friends are tiger, accomplishing families. I don’t show my kids but my heart breaks fir them and fir me too. Sucks, I thought I left those feelings a long time ago. Hurts now as much as it did then.

It would seriously consider moving and finding a place that is healthier for your kids.

Something snapped when I turned 40. I don’t just mean my shoulder pain, I truly stopped caring what others thought of me. I used to feel so hurt and left out. I had some mean girls who were just awful to me in middle school. I was worried my kids would be like that too but now I laugh at myself and I think it made my kids able to laugh at themselves too. Of course they are overly sensitive teens but they know how to handle getting teased so much better than I could. I think having self confidence and demonstrating that to your kids can go a long way. I often tell my kids having a weird mom build character.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can relate and what I've realized as an adult is that my mom was a loser so that made me into a loser. I'm not as loserish as an adult because I actively try not to do loserish stuff, but a lot of it is personality. If it makes you feel any better, most of the cool kids are already into drugs, drinking and/or s3x by freshman year, and is that really what you want your kid to be involved in?

This loser concept is the root of the problem. People are not losers because they're different. I can't believe I have to spell this out in 2025.

If you insist on self-hate, no one can help you, PP and OP. Please try not to project that self-hate onto your poor children.

Thank you for saying this. The concept of "loser" needs to die already.

OP, I am very sorry that your kids are going through this hell. I know you're supporting them in any way you can. Please don't blame your "bad genetics."

Anonymous wrote:I can relate and what I've realized as an adult is that my mom was a loser so that made me into a loser. I'm not as loserish as an adult because I actively try not to do loserish stuff, but a lot of it is personality. If it makes you feel any better, most of the cool kids are already into drugs, drinking and/or s3x by freshman year, and is that really what you want your kid to be involved in?

Way to blame your mother.

I experienced extreme bullying. It’s more painful to know that your kids are being bullied. It will end, but the scars remain. I wish the parents of bully’s would step in and raise better people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can relate and what I've realized as an adult is that my mom was a loser so that made me into a loser. I'm not as loserish as an adult because I actively try not to do loserish stuff, but a lot of it is personality. If it makes you feel any better, most of the cool kids are already into drugs, drinking and/or s3x by freshman year, and is that really what you want your kid to be involved in?

This loser concept is the root of the problem. People are not losers because they're different. I can't believe I have to spell this out in 2025.

If you insist on self-hate, no one can help you, PP and OP. Please try not to project that self-hate onto your poor children.

The middle schoolers don't care.

Pretty sure the poster who calls themselves a loser isn't a middle schooler. There is a HUGE difference between receiving a meaningless insult from someone who doesn't know any better, and calling yourself a loser. If you can't see that... you need therapy.

I agree that I hate the term loser. Please drop it from your vocabulary.