There was a study done on something like this, the researcher was not Shirley Glass it was in a book of hers.

Anyway...
a person who will cheat with sex will leave in this scenario
a person who will cheat without sex will leave in this scenario
men who never cheat will stay in this scenario

So the reality is men who cheat are just cheaters and they are lacking a basic underlying character needed to be a good person, they cheat and they do many things in their life that a good person would not do.

So the basic fact is, men who would leave in this situation were probably going to end up leaving even in the best of circumstance because they lack basic morals, integrity, etc.

Yes a dude on this post said he literally only is with his wife for sex. He has no clue why that is wild to normal people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:** Spoilers for the book Intermezzo by Sally Rooney **


So part of the plot is this guy is deeply in love with his college gf. They are now in their early thirties. She was in a very bad car accident in their twenties, which leaves her with chronic pain for the rest of her life. She can no longer have penetrative sex and other sex acts are difficult as well (like blow jobs). Again, her pain is very bad and affects her on a daily basis etc. She is described as being very frail and walking like an old woman.

Her bf, the main character, initially wants to stay together, but she pushes him away because she knows he can’t live without frequent, high quality sex, which she can no longer provide. The best she can do is a hand job. He eventually gets together with another girl who he does have a good sex life with. But he’s still emotionally hung up on the first girl. He tries to get back together with her after his dad dies and he sees her at the funeral but he realizes he can’t be exclusive with someone he’s not having sex with. They end up in a thrupple with the other woman, which strikes me as highly unrealistic (!) and a cop out but never mind that.

Anyway, to the point of the book, do you think it’s true that most men cannot live without frequent penetrative sex and would leave someone they love over this?

I’m curious as to what men think of this. All of the reviewers are saying the author “nailed” the male mind and voice.

Ah yes, I’m sure **checks notes** Sally Rooney has nailed the male perspective by presenting a noble female protagonist who is literally suffering constant physical pain, compounded by the psychological pain of knowing that she can never physically satisfy her true love who is willing to nevertheless martyr herself for that love, and the equally noble male character who … supports her decision.

🙄

Femcel fanfic.

Have you not seen reviews for the book? It’s a huge international bestseller in a time when very few literary fiction books become bestsellers.

It’s all over the place. People love Sally Rooney and think she nails everything she does.

Her books Normal People and Conversations with Friends were turned into popular tv series.

Anonymous wrote:Many men leave their wives once they get cancer or some terminal disease so this is a very believable scenario.

But I’m told women initiate all the divorces.

This is a thread about a book- let’s get our narratives together people!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my wife woke up tomorrow and said no more sex, I would leave or just start dating.

What if she physically couldn’t?

It blows my mind that a man can love and admire everything about a woman - her looks, her mind, her job, her thoughts, her voice - but if she can’t have sex, it’s over.

Way to move the goalposts.

Did you even read the post?

A lot of posters are missing a point. The book is about a man who has deep emotional ties to a woman who is physically unable to have sex. Not about a sexless marriage, where the communication and relationship in general is strained. The question is if there was a woman who you think is amazing and with whom you possess a strong emotional bond… what do you do?

This question sort of hits home for me (I am a woman) because I was a victim of sexual assault in my 20s. Shortly afterwards, I started a relationship with a guy with whom I had a very deep emotional connection. We were compatible in just about every way. The problem was, sex and intimacy in general was very difficult for me. This was the 90s (I'm old) and I didn’t understand the assault nor the impact it had on me. I rejected him a lot, I think his self-confidence tanked, but for reasons that I’ll never understand, he stayed for a long time (years) and seriously discussed marriage. Then finally broke things off. He explained to me how much the lack of sex impact to him, that when he met me, he realized it was something I just wasn’t able to do, that he liked me so much that he thought he could accept it, but just couldn’t in the end.

It was a very, very tough emotional break for both of us. As we were breaking up, we went to couples counseling through which I ended up getting treatment for the issues I had related to my sexual assault… but our relationship was too irreversibly damaged.

I went on to have a normal dating/sex life and a normal marriage. Who would’ve thought I actually have a pretty high libido and active sex life in my 50s. To this day, I cannot for the life of me understand why this ex stayed as long as he did. I am sure he was not gay/low drive or anything like that.

Anonymous wrote:** Spoilers for the book Intermezzo by Sally Rooney **


So part of the plot is this guy is deeply in love with his college gf. They are now in their early thirties. She was in a very bad car accident in their twenties, which leaves her with chronic pain for the rest of her life. She can no longer have penetrative sex and other sex acts are difficult as well (like blow jobs). Again, her pain is very bad and affects her on a daily basis etc. She is described as being very frail and walking like an old woman.

Her bf, the main character, initially wants to stay together, but she pushes him away because she knows he can’t live without frequent, high quality sex, which she can no longer provide. The best she can do is a hand job. He eventually gets together with another girl who he does have a good sex life with. But he’s still emotionally hung up on the first girl. He tries to get back together with her after his dad dies and he sees her at the funeral but he realizes he can’t be exclusive with someone he’s not having sex with. They end up in a thrupple with the other woman, which strikes me as highly unrealistic (!) and a cop out but never mind that.

Anyway, to the point of the book, do you think it’s true that most men cannot live without frequent penetrative sex and would leave someone they love over this?

I’m curious as to what men think of this. All of the reviewers are saying the author “nailed” the male mind and voice.

Ah yes, I’m sure **checks notes** Sally Rooney has nailed the male perspective by presenting a noble female protagonist who is literally suffering constant physical pain, compounded by the psychological pain of knowing that she can never physically satisfy her true love who is willing to nevertheless martyr herself for that love, and the equally noble male character who … supports her decision.

🙄

Femcel fanfic.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the one with no interest in it. Haven’t done it in many years. I didn’t leave because pretty much everything else is perfect. If it weren’t, I would have left.

Same. My DH has no interest and hasn’t for years.

Anonymous wrote:Men are very selfish and will always prioritize their happiness. Women rarely leave their spouses diagnosed with cancer, whereas men leave at a high rate. Men are not loyal, or rather, they’re only as loyal as long as it serves THEM.

I sympathize with you if any man treated you poorly. Some of us are generous with our heart and time ☺️

Anonymous wrote:Men are very selfish and will always prioritize their happiness. Women rarely leave their spouses diagnosed with cancer, whereas men leave at a high rate. Men are not loyal, or rather, they’re only as loyal as long as it serves THEM.

Not all men are like this. I've met plenty of them who aren't, thankfully.

Men are very selfish and will always prioritize their happiness. Women rarely leave their spouses diagnosed with cancer, whereas men leave at a high rate. Men are not loyal, or rather, they’re only as loyal as long as it serves THEM.

I've stayed without sex for the last six years. Technically I'm allowed to seek out other partners, but I don't really enjoy the process and I'm not hugely into casual sex so I don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given how men are always whining in the relationship forum about their sexless marriages, clearly lots of them will stay. Maybe the vast majority.

A sexless marriage often features *some* sex. Perhaps several times per year. And there is often the hope that things will get better. Sometimes they do.

But if a healthy spouse declared that sex would 100% never happen again, the vast majority of men would cheat or openly leave.

Maybe. If that were the case then you would expect men to hire for a much higher percentage of divorces, not the 30% they currently do. I think most men get way too many benefits in the form of emotional labor, household work, free cook/cleaner/appointment maker/childcare, social connections, etc, to actually leave, even if they do kick up a huge stink about it. They know that they have it too good in marriage to actually walk away, despite whining 24/7

There are several active threads right now about women who find their husbands terrible but stay in order to keep full custody of their children.

Why wouldn’t a subset of men do the same?

Men stay in marriages much longer across the board, regardless of the presence of children or not. Clearly theyre getting something vital out of it, otherwise the data about who leaves wouldnt be so monumentally skewed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given how men are always whining in the relationship forum about their sexless marriages, clearly lots of them will stay. Maybe the vast majority.

A sexless marriage often features *some* sex. Perhaps several times per year. And there is often the hope that things will get better. Sometimes they do.

But if a healthy spouse declared that sex would 100% never happen again, the vast majority of men would cheat or openly leave.

Maybe. If that were the case then you would expect men to hire for a much higher percentage of divorces, not the 30% they currently do. I think most men get way too many benefits in the form of emotional labor, household work, free cook/cleaner/appointment maker/childcare, social connections, etc, to actually leave, even if they do kick up a huge stink about it. They know that they have it too good in marriage to actually walk away, despite whining 24/7

There are several active threads right now about women who find their husbands terrible but stay in order to keep full custody of their children.

Why wouldn’t a subset of men do the same?

Many men leave their wives once they get cancer or some terminal disease so this is a very believable scenario.

I'm 45. We have a good sex life 1-3 times a week. DW has always had a high libido and would actually be happier with more. If something happened and we couldn't have sex anymore, I'd be fine. Disappointed but fine. I've lurked on this forum enough to know I'll get negative reactions to this, but sex has never been a huge major deal to me. Maybe it's because I was in a 5 year relationship where we often spent months apart so infrequent sex was the norm. I'm thrilled that DW and I have an active sex life and we are both satisfied. It's just never been something that has been a priority for me to have in a relationship.