We’ve been together 28 years, separate room for the last 5. We are happier, stronger as a couple now that we’re not sleep deprived. We still have a great sex life, lots of cuddling, etc. We’re not billionnaires so we share hotel rooms but we get an extra bedroom in Airbnbs because: sleep deprivation sucks

Married 40 years (married young) and we started sleeping in separate rooms after DH got Covid and I moved to the guest room (which I had already made into a beautiful space) while he recovered. Kids out of the nest. I have menopausal sleep issues and he had started to snore. We both really hate not sleeping together, but we also both really love sleeping in peace.

I'm your husband. My love language is cuddles. Frankly it's the only thing that keeps me going. I would spiral into severe anxiety if I couldn't have physical contact and affection, particularly at night.

I would tread carefully here, OP. He might get his needs fulfilled elsewhere. I would strongly consider this if my husband wasn't willing and able to cuddle me all night long.

Anonymous wrote:My husband snores like a freight train, which made a sleep divorce inevitable. We're overextended and can't handle lots of interrupted sleep, so we agreed it was necessary. We both miss the cuddling and emotional intimacy piece, and have to be mindful to address that in other ways. Until there's a cure for snoring, not much else we can do. (DH can't handle sleeping with a CPAP).

This is us. I can’t imagine going back now.

I love the idea of sleeping in the same bed as H but in practice it sucks. He snores REALLY bad, and usually a kid or two ends up in bed with us during the night, so it’s not enjoyable.

Over the holidays the AirBNB we stayed in was super creepy and the kids were scared, so H slept with DC1 and I slept with DC2. It was heaven. I felt so well-rested because I wasn’t being woken up by snoring every 20 minutes. H was happy because he runs hot and didn’t have me heating him up all night.

We haven’t officially made with switch, but since then about half the nights one of us sleeps in another room. Kind of afraid to talk about it and make it official.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there is a way to compromise on this. If you both go to sleep at the same time, maybe set some time aside for cuddling and intimacy. And then if someone wakes up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, it makes sense for that person to get another room to actually get sleep.

I remember reading an article about this in the Wash Post years ago and one compromise was that the couple slept separately during the work week and together on weekends.

Anonymous wrote:Truth is if you're in a loving or great marriage not sleeping together sucks. But, most marriages after a while aren't all roses and flowers. I know plenty of people who sleep separate or even sleep in the same bed but they do not cuddle at all not even close. My parents slept in two rooms because my dad would get home very late from work around 1-2am and would sleep in so my mom would sleep in the guest room. After years and years it became normal.

Why does it "suck"?

Truth is if you're in a loving or great marriage not sleeping together sucks. But, most marriages after a while aren't all roses and flowers. I know plenty of people who sleep separate or even sleep in the same bed but they do not cuddle at all not even close. My parents slept in two rooms because my dad would get home very late from work around 1-2am and would sleep in so my mom would sleep in the guest room. After years and years it became normal.

Having seperate rooms is the best way to have a long lasting relationship

Up until 2 years ago my husband and I slept separately because he snored loudly for 20 years. Once he got a cpap it all changed and we're now back to sleeping in the same bed.

Did not sleeping in the same bed affect us I didn't think so because we would lay in bed together then when it was time to go to sleep he gave me a kiss and left to sleep elsewhere.

+1 to sleeping is separate rooms. It's awful to share a room/bed.

Although I should admit our marriage has been dead ever since having a child with special needs. But going into separate bedrooms was a godsend.

Love having separate rooms

It's the only way to sleep

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.