Is it too late for an annulment? 😳

How long had you been together when you started planning this trip? You said you started planning it 2 years before you were married so it kind of sounds like you started planning it without him being involved. Which may be why he never brought up he wasn't interested in going. I don't think it's wrong for him to want to save his time off and money to do an anniversary trip with you. It doesn't sound like he wants you to cancel this bucket list trip.

I love to travel and can enjoy pretty much everywhere. DH has one bucket list place I have zero interest in. I would go and I wouldn't complain, but I know I would be miserable. So I don't see the point of spending thousands and using vacation time for a vacation I won't enjoy. DH and DS are going to go. We do plenty of other trips together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Why can’t you go on this trip without him?

OP here. I could go without him. The trip would be about $12k and 10 days of vacation time. I would rather spend the money and vacations days together.

It sounds to me like you need to be taking more vacation, and either spending a higher proportion of your income on vacations or going on cheaper vacations. 10 days is nothing.

Where do you work lol? I want to join your company because I would love a job where I can go on a 3 weeks vacation.

I honestly can't even remember the last time I was able to go away for 10 days. That sounds so long and luxurious.

I'd go on this trip as planned and just get over your new husband not wanting to go. But I'd be chapped about his attitude, honestly.

I guess I can see both sides here; I wouldn't want to travel with my new husbands extended family right after getting married either lol. But it seems like this trip was already planned, he was aware, etc. I'm also concerned you'd marry someone with such extreme issues you described. Why would you want someone to come on a trip if theyre going to be a jerk about everything? Especially since you seem like a pretty avid traveler.

All that said, I think what I would do here is go on the bucket list trip. If he wants to join, great. I'd probably try to convince him to come, because I'd assume (maybe incorrectly for your spouse, but for mine) that he'd be resentful at being left behind. Plan some downtime for him/you both to get away from your family. Go on this trip, prioritize couples trips going forward.

"I know that if he decides to come along it will be constant complaining about everything, and don't let something "go wrong" with the trip, I'll never hear the end of it."

Yikes! If true - not sure why you married someone that would act like this.

I think you have a decision to make because I’m hearing two different things in your email. If the choice is between going on this trip as planned without him, or cancelling the trip, what is your preference? I think either is okay — sometimes your priorities change with marriage and that’s okay.

If you want to go, I’d say “I totally understand if you don’t want to come but I really have been looking forward to this for so long I don’t want to cancel. Of course I’ll miss you and you’re welcome to join if you change your mind — even if you only want to come for a few days.” No guilt trip about it. Just be upfront about what you want.

The other thing I’d flag is that you said this is a trip with your daughter and he wants to save vacation time for just the two of you. That set off alarm bells for me. How old is your daughter? If she’s under 22, I would not ditch vacation time with her for your new husband. If she’s an adult, that’s different but if you are cancelling I’d go out of my way to find a different special thing to do with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Why can’t you go on this trip without him?

OP here. I could go without him. The trip would be about $12k and 10 days of vacation time. I would rather spend the money and vacations days together.

It sounds to me like you need to be taking more vacation, and either spending a higher proportion of your income on vacations or going on cheaper vacations. 10 days is nothing.

Where do you work lol? I want to join your company because I would love a job where I can go on a 3 weeks vacation.

Do you’ll just cancel on your daughter??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Why can’t you go on this trip without him?

OP here. I could go without him. The trip would be about $12k and 10 days of vacation time. I would rather spend the money and vacations days together.

It sounds to me like you need to be taking more vacation, and either spending a higher proportion of your income on vacations or going on cheaper vacations. 10 days is nothing.

Oof. Why did you marry this man? He’s guilting you into doing want he wants. You state you know he’ll be a jerk and make it terrible if he goes. This is manipulation.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, at first blush, I get the impression that he'd rather not travel with your extended family. That's why he specified that he'd rather do anniversary trips, meaning travel with just the two of you, which is fair.

Go on this trip, since it's been in the works and you and your extended family have been looking forward to it. Then focus on a couple's trip going forward.

This is the correct answer. Do your big trip and then begin focusing on travel with just the two of you. And don’t pout or be judgmental that he doesn’t want to travel with your family. He has every right to not want to go.

Honestly, at first blush, I get the impression that he'd rather not travel with your extended family. That's why he specified that he'd rather do anniversary trips, meaning travel with just the two of you, which is fair.

Go on this trip, since it's been in the works and you and your extended family have been looking forward to it. Then focus on a couple's trip going forward.

Being* (not beauty by)

I hate those spouses who always have this imaginary feelings of beauty by left out. If you were DW I would actually help you plan it. We are not conjoined twins for God sake!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Why can’t you go on this trip without him?

OP here. I could go without him. The trip would be about $12k and 10 days of vacation time. I would rather spend the money and vacations days together.

I'm also remarried (your DD is from a previous relationship, correct?). My H LOVES to travel and I hate it.

I'd be REALLY upset if H expected me to start doing trips with his family to places they wanted to go on MY dime.

If I'm going to spend $6k+ on a vacation, it's not going to be with my in-laws, and it's going to be somewhere I want to go.

So H does solo trips with his family that he pays for, and we do family vacations with just our kids where we both have to agree on the destination.