Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 22:09     Subject: I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
They obviously didn’t marry anyone white so why should you?
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 21:59     Subject: I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:Not sure if posting about race related stuff is appropriate here but here goes. I’m Chinese and was raised in the US. DH is as well. I have a lot of Asian friends - nothing against anyone else but I’ve just tended to gravitate towards people with a similar backgrounds and have a certain comfort level with them. It never surprised me that I married someone Chinese. It would’ve seemed odd to me that I mostly hang out with Asians but then marry a non-Asian, if that makes sense?

Anyways, we have kids now and lately my parents have been commenting on how they have various Chinese friends whose kids married white people, and how their kids are so cute (yeah I get it, mixed race kids are cute). They made a comment about how it would’ve interesting if I married someone outside of our race. For some reason their comments really bothered me. Am I somehow inferior since I “settled” for someone of my own ethnicity? Is marrying a white person a gold standard for an Asian? What’s wrong with being proud of who I am and finding someone similar?

I just wanted to vent a little. Curious about others thoughts on this. Anyone have parents like this?


Race is a social consruct by the way.

Asian people (as society defines, since race is a social construct) are not special as compared to other people. White people (as society defines, since race is a social construct) are not special as compared to other people.

All of this internet discussion of "Asians" wondering how to grapple with the "fact" of how great they are as a people and how to manage that having to live among the whites (yes, its is only whites that matter, other groups are sort of accidental observers of the actual relevant groups) who just don't undertand that fact yet is odd.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 20:42     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm Chinese and if parents are anything like mine, they'd complain you should have married someone Chinese if you married white or any other Asian
And if you did the right thing by marrying someone Chinese, well, that wasn't good enough either.

The best thing I ever did was realize they'll never be satisfied with anything I do, or don't do.

However since tallness is a virtue, maybe they're just complaining because they wish your kids were taller. I do happen to have a kid with a white father and my parents love to fawn over how tall he is. Every.time.he.visits.

Whatever, live your life and not theirs.


Because he's a boy.
I have a boy and a girl as does my sister. The difference in treatment based on gender is revolting.


Sadly, I agree. But that's another story.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 20:35     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.


Sorry, but that's not all true. I've seen plenty of plain looking ones. Only the even plainer parents think they are cute.
I met one with a weak chin in college (his mother had a weak chin). Ick.
-signed, Chinese


+ yep. Not all mixed kids are “reallllly cute.” See some weird looking ones.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 20:18     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.


They’re really cute…but I just think it’s because they look like Asian kids with white features and people think white features are more attractive so…


I’m white and I feel the opposite. I think a lot of people saying this are looking down on white people. Most white babies are not cute- they’re bald and bland looking. Asian babies have lots more hair and features with greater color distinction. I think white people start to look attractive in high school.

Op I would throw their words back to them “so you’re saying that instead of the grandchildren that you do have, you wish you had some others?”
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 20:12     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 20:10     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:I'm Chinese and if parents are anything like mine, they'd complain you should have married someone Chinese if you married white or any other Asian
And if you did the right thing by marrying someone Chinese, well, that wasn't good enough either.

The best thing I ever did was realize they'll never be satisfied with anything I do, or don't do.

However since tallness is a virtue, maybe they're just complaining because they wish your kids were taller. I do happen to have a kid with a white father and my parents love to fawn over how tall he is. Every.time.he.visits.

Whatever, live your life and not theirs.


Because he's a boy.
I have a boy and a girl as does my sister. The difference in treatment based on gender is revolting.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 20:09     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks everyone for the responses. So either my parents suck or they hate my husband. Or both LOL. I do feel better now though.


Your parents are self-hating Chinese. The worst.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 20:08     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.


Sorry, but that's not all true. I've seen plenty of plain looking ones. Only the even plainer parents think they are cute.
I met one with a weak chin in college (his mother had a weak chin). Ick.
-signed, Chinese
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 19:25     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks everyone for the responses. So either my parents suck or they hate my husband. Or both LOL. I do feel better now though.


How about taking a vacation with me in Taiwan? Bring your parents.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 18:58     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
OP here - thanks everyone for the responses. So either my parents suck or they hate my husband. Or both LOL. I do feel better now though.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 18:14     Subject: Re:I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
I'm Chinese and if parents are anything like mine, they'd complain you should have married someone Chinese if you married white or any other Asian
And if you did the right thing by marrying someone Chinese, well, that wasn't good enough either.

The best thing I ever did was realize they'll never be satisfied with anything I do, or don't do.

However since tallness is a virtue, maybe they're just complaining because they wish your kids were taller. I do happen to have a kid with a white father and my parents love to fawn over how tall he is. Every.time.he.visits.

Whatever, live your life and not theirs.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 18:12     Subject: I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
I dated a Chinese American girl for a while. Her dad hated that she was dating a white guy. We took a vacation once in Taiwan with them and she would leave the door to our room open so they could hear us screwing. She was a weird chick. Fun vacation though.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 18:08     Subject: I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:Try not to take it to heart. My white mother's family was thrown into chaos when she had a child (me) with an east Asian man (my father). Some relatives didn't see her for years, and all kinds of remarks were made, all of them offensive, only some of which were well-intended. My white grandmother remarked to me when I was 12 that races should never intermarry. That was nice.

Everyone was disappointed when I married an east Asian - even my father, because my husband isn't from the same Asian country. He's from a poorer country, so big no-no. The fact my husband is multiples times wealthier than my father is just adding insult to injury.

SO... all this to say, OP. Don't take it to heart. Racism is alive and well, and your job is to steer you and your kids through it as best as you can.



This is crazy, isn't it? I'm white married to a white from a different country and my MIL has never gotten over it. She literally tried to stop the wedding. It's not just race, it's different cultures, languages, traditions and what not.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2025 18:08     Subject: I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…
Anonymous wrote:They just hate your husband.

haha.. this could be it.

It is unusual for them to say that.

I'm in a mixed white/Asian marriage, and most parents of that age would prefer same race.

When I was younger, my dad said he'd kick me out of the family if I married a non East Asian person. I said go ahead.. it's me that's married to the person, not you. My Aunt did this and she got kicked out of the family.

I ended up married to a white person, and my family think they are the best thing since sliced white bread.