My resolution is to go to my hometown more for no reason. My widowed dad and my four year old are besties.

The resolution I’d make for him is to continue his progress in being transparent with finance and health information. Parents need their adult kids and then make it super hard for them to help and that’s putting ego over efficiency.

Anonymous wrote:So basically all responsibility lies on parents?

I have great parents and yes, I think parents set the tone. It doesn’t mean I get to be an ass to them, but them being nice means I naturally want them more involved, I don’t mind them staying with us three weeks every year, spending money and vacation time to visit them. My in laws are local and judgmental and nagging, so even half a day with them is a chore. I tried to be kind and spend more time but it can’t change how they are and impacted the relationship over time.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mother, MIL and Grandma. The answer is patience and respect. But….its a big but….those qualities must be shown by the parents/grandparents. Don’t expect your adult children w kids to show these traits to you. If you get any inkling of appreciation take it as a win. Older folks don’t understand this because it’s not how we were raised or how we raised our kids. A mindset of “respect your elders” will get you in trouble. This will come into play with your DIL or SIL.
You can say this is disrespectful to you or you’re not going to tolerate your perceived disrespect or spin it any way you want. Your role is to be supportive and love your grandkids. Fact
As they say, “stay in your lane”. This is just the way it is.

Who made these rules?

Anonymous wrote:So basically all responsibility lies on parents?

In a parent-child relationship? Yes. And it’s the role of your adult child to act like this with their kids. Model the behavior you hope to see!

So basically all responsibility lies on parents?

I’m a mother, MIL and Grandma. The answer is patience and respect. But….its a big but….those qualities must be shown by the parents/grandparents. Don’t expect your adult children w kids to show these traits to you. If you get any inkling of appreciation take it as a win. Older folks don’t understand this because it’s not how we were raised or how we raised our kids. A mindset of “respect your elders” will get you in trouble. This will come into play with your DIL or SIL.
You can say this is disrespectful to you or you’re not going to tolerate your perceived disrespect or spin it any way you want. Your role is to be supportive and love your grandkids. Fact
As they say, “stay in your lane”. This is just the way it is.

Anonymous wrote:If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to your child.

Agreed and if you wouldn't say it to a friend, specially to one who has done physically, financially and emotionally, why say it to your parent? If you are an adult, at some point you should stop blame game and work on yourself.

Absolutely number 1 - your adult children don't owe you ANYTHING. It was your choice to have children. You chose to take on the burden of paying for them, sacrificing, etc. DO NOT HOLD THIS AGAINST THEM AND DO NOT BECOME A MARTYR. It was your job to take care of them. Let them be and don't expect constant thanks and praise for things you did when they were children.

RESPECT IS A TWO-WAY STREET. You cannot demand respect when you do not give it to them. They are adults. With their own lives, homes. Follow their house rules when visiting. It is not your home. Respect that they have careers, limited PTO, limited funds. Their life should no longer revolve around you. Expect it and be happy about it!

STAY HEALTHY. Work out, eat well, stay social. Your bad choices shouldn't be their burden.

SAVE MONEY. You will need hospitalization or surgery or long term care at some point. Save for it.

DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT MOVING OUT OF YOUR HOME. If you are burning down your house, you need a more protective environment. Don't fight it. Be part of the solution and a decision maker, do not act like a toddler.

Be kind, welcoming, non-judgemental, encouraging, and do not guilt. Accept your kids as they are, and be joyful for the time you have together. Work on being independent financially, emotionally and physically for the long term so it's not a worry to your kids.