Anonymous wrote:DH and I went the route of allowing me to ‘date’ select women. It’s worked for us in that I have my ‘gal pal’ for activities and interests of little to no interest to him. We do include him on our dates to dinner, the theater and various shows. We make a great throuple. DH hasn’t expressed interest in a MFF yet. We’ve discussed this. He’s happy and content with our sex life, knowing I’m happy with my ‘gal pal’. I’m waiting for the conversation with DH about his wanting to date men. Our marriage works with our current situation, we’ve been married 10+ years and we’re happy and content with our lives.

Closed triads are abusive relationships.

DH and I went the route of allowing me to ‘date’ select women. It’s worked for us in that I have my ‘gal pal’ for activities and interests of little to no interest to him. We do include him on our dates to dinner, the theater and various shows. We make a great throuple. DH hasn’t expressed interest in a MFF yet. We’ve discussed this. He’s happy and content with our sex life, knowing I’m happy with my ‘gal pal’. I’m waiting for the conversation with DH about his wanting to date men. Our marriage works with our current situation, we’ve been married 10+ years and we’re happy and content with our lives.

Anonymous wrote:I am 42 and have always known I have a gay side (we’re all on a spectrum blah blah) but I’ve never been a big dater and when I met my husband when I was 22 i genuinely fell in love and have been w him since.

Fast forward to a major cliche. Call it whatever you want but I feel so gay in this period of my life and badly want to dip my toes in the water.

Is there ever a “moral” way of quietly being with women. My DH thinks this is about him and his reaction has been deeply main character. I don’t even know why I told him—it was an attempt to share a hard year around this and it went horribly.

Do women out there have low key women they date on the side?

I have previously had v strong ideas about cheating but this feels different and I don’t have anyone to talk to or a way to touch grass to not feel so crazy.

I think this is a “thing” in the DC region, and maybe elsewhere. Due to my career, I have to deal with a lot of people and connections. I get around in the area, so I meet a lot of people. I was pretty surprised at first to hear about how many “straight” acting married women have female side friends. It’s a much bigger number than you think.

You were honest with him. If he's not ok with it, I would still cheat. And I'm not usually one for saying to cheat. You need to be true to yourself.

My sister told her DH when they were early 30s. He wasn't into it. She ended up cheating. They broke up, and eventually he came around. She's bi though. He's now very supportive of her, she has girlfriends. I spent a week at their home recently and they have never been happier.

I'm also speaking as someone who was cheated on by their children's father, he hooked up with men. This was at the same time as my sisters ordeal. I was angry at first, but it eventually lead me to telling him I am bi too. He never was open about his bisexuality even after I found out, so it didn't work out for us.

I now date women and men, haven't found the one but having fun along the way.

I’d start talking with a queer therapist that also works as a couples counselor. There is a path through this. Honor your marriage. Be transparent, with guidance.

I like that 3-way idea.. nothin' better than two ladies by my side.. . slide into my DMs and we can talk some more!

Anonymous wrote:We are not all on a spectrum.

As a lesbian, i really wish people like you can stop saying that.

There may be a spectrum, but it’s heavily weighted at either end.

Anonymous wrote:We are not all on a spectrum.

As a lesbian, i really wish people like you can stop saying that.

This idea is rooted in academia and queer theory from Anne Fausto Sterling so fwiw it’s not like…nothing. It’s just not your exact experience, which is part of the idea as well if you want to do some reading

We are not all on a spectrum.

As a lesbian, i really wish people like you can stop saying that.

As a bisexual woman, I did have several relationships with women in my teens and early 20s. However, I made a decision to marry my husband and stay with him. Do I still get inklings and feelings towards women, of course, just as I'm sure he feels the same way about other women. But we made a vow, and bisexual or not, I would be breaking those vows if I acted upon anything. I do not think it is "different" for a woman to cheat with a woman. It is still cheating. OP: would you be okay with your husband seeing another woman? Honestly.

Anonymous wrote:I am 42 and have always known I have a gay side (we’re all on a spectrum blah blah)…

False.

So let me understand: you want to sleep with someone other than your spouse, and you believe that since you wish to sleep with someone of the same gender, that makes it...OK? More acceptable than if you wanted to sleep with a man?

Your poor husband. YOU are the main character here.

Might be a troll, but OP, you need to make choice here. It is not reasonable to expect your DH to go along with this, so you either need to end it so you can be free or just make the decision to not take this path.

When I realized I could not stay in my straight marriage because I could not keep my sanity while staying married to him, and I wanted to date women, I got a divorce. And since then, I have met many women with a similar story. Not something to take lightly though, especially if there are kids involved.

I’m super skeptical about “ENM” stuff based on other people I know who are into it, and would not blame your husband if he didn’t want to be involved with any of that.