We don't make it that easy. We make them need to think about want vs need, and save a couple weeks or months for something they want. We give them enough for everything they need and a couple of things they want. They can be "student poor" in college. Time honored tradition. Learn to budget and wait for sales and go without.

If your D's monthly spending money is coming out of her earnings, I think it's totally fine. She's spending less than $50 a week. She's not going on fancy trips or buying a lot of clothes at that level.

So, if she's doing fine with everything else--good grades, no reason to suspect substance abuse, etc. I think $400 is fine, especially since she's an only child.

What do you usually spend on her for Christmas? Just a few years ago, what did you spend? Be comfortable with an overall figure ... and then if you're not likely to give gifts you feel confident she would like, gift money. Some gifts, some money = the total you thought appropriate to spend on her for Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:OP back. I like the idea of giving the same amount over the next four years so she can expect and budget. We do not give her an allowance. We do expect her to spend her summer earnings. The question was about a Christmas gift. We are thinking $400.

I’m the PP who posted about DD never working and regretting making it too easy. A Christmas gift is a little different. A gift is given without strings/monitoring. If you are feeling uncomfortable with spending and money issues, maybe it’s not a great year for a cash gift. I don’t think you can really give cash and say, I expect you to use it for your expenses.

Anonymous wrote:No money. Just a gift. And no monthly allowance. She should be using her summer earnings for spending money. You will regret this level of spoiling when she gets older.

+1

OP back. I like the idea of giving the same amount over the next four years so she can expect and budget. We do not give her an allowance. We do expect her to spend her summer earnings. The question was about a Christmas gift. We are thinking $400.

Anonymous wrote:No money. Just a gift. And no monthly allowance. She should be using her summer earnings for spending money. You will regret this level of spoiling when she gets older.

Why? How? What’s more spoiled than mommy and daddy shelling out hundreds of thousands of dollars for your undergraduate degree?

Anonymous wrote:I expected my college kids to work, and pay their way.

+1. Also why we had our children take out the $5500 federal unsubsidized loans so they woukd have some skin in the game

OP is she spending her own money for those things? If she has saved $7,000 from summer jobs, that’s fantastic. I don’t understand what the problem is, as her spending does not seem too crazy.

We pay for everything you listed OP. And it’s fine. My kids job is to get good grades in college. And to get internships in the summer. That’s enough responsibility. From earnings spring break is funded and money is invested so learning the stock market. We pay 90k for tuition and room and board, why would I nickel and dime on spending money and skincare? That’s silly.

Anonymous wrote:The question was whether to give her money for Christmas and, if so, how much?

No money, but a high quality college dictionary. She will need and appreciate that much more!

No money. Just a gift. And no monthly allowance. She should be using her summer earnings for spending money. You will regret this level of spoiling when she gets older.

How much did you give her last year? She's still a student so still roughly in the same place where she isn't working an adult job. I'd keep it the same and not try to punish her just for being an adult, especially if she's earning good grades and doing what she's supposed to towards a career. I'd also make however much you choose the same all 4 years of college. That'll give her a chance to budget and to decide how to spread her money over the year.

I'd adjust how much I'm giving her once she has graduated, has a real job and is on her own.

One of mine NEVER worked. We didn’t want her to work the first year because of some health and life issues, but after that, it was a mistake not to say if you don’t contribute something to your expenses then we are doing the bare minimum. She never even babysat.

She was at an IV where the social costs are actually pretty low because there is no town/bar scene. But she also spent so much on fashion, skin “care,” and she traveled extensively.

I think it’s less about how much they earn versus whether they earn *something* and the sense of entitlement. This was a big fail on our part.

It also depends on where they go to college. My nephew really wanted to go to Syracuse, but the difference between instate UConn (honors) and Syracuse was $50k a year. He chose UConn and that meant there was more money for a car and some travel. I know several parents who included a car if their children went instate.