Oh, OP, I am so sorry

Anonymous wrote:This is very kind and generous of you! Can you ask the regular caregiver about their routine and what tips and tricks they can offer?

I don't think that will be enough from my own experience. OP has the best of intentions which is clear, but have you ever tried to move a loved one with this stage of dementia to another environment? The level of agitation could make you lose your mind. They need their environment. Maybe there are comfort objects she can bring to help, but I would reach out to her doctor. Do you have written permission to speak with medical people? You may need a medical plan if there is a high level of agitation. Is there anything short acting they use with this age group?

This is why I get so upset when I see people on here warning against memory care. It is sometimes the safest environment. I know OP's loved one is on a waitlist which is great. I think we really have to be careful on here urging people to do only what the parent wants and even have another relative take care of them. I can only imagine how burned out the relative who is primary caregiver is and truly sometimes Memory care is the most humane and safe option.

Please keep us posted OP. I hope all of us who have BTDT are wrong and it goes smoothly!

Lesson from a year of caring for parent: a fitted plastic sheet** like you would use on a child’s mattress — hook over the back & arms & seat cushion of the living room chair/couch, then sheet/blanket/etc over that (to look nicer & not feel the plastic), and a chux pad on the seat (for easy swapping). Covering only the cushion leaves it too easy for…stuff…to get behind cushion

**at amazon/target etc: ‘fitted waterproof sheet’, ‘mattress protector’, etc

Anonymous wrote:Why not pay for respite care at a local assisted living/memory care place? It’s probably around $350/day but I’d pay for 7 days of that to keep myself and family sane and my house clean.

This makes more sense because they are trained to deal with things. There is a good chance, as people have mentioned, she will be highly agitated with all the change. Also, make sure you know what meds she is on and make sure she gets them, especially if there are meds to help her manage anxiety.

You should hire an aide. Call Goodwin House if you are in Virginia. They have Goodwin st home service and will send aides to assisted you. It’s probably $30-$32/hr. I would get 24/7 if you can afford it since it’s just for a week. They can help change LO and assist with anything they need.

Who is this loved one? Incontinence is the least of your concern. If they are at the dementia stage where incontinence has set in, that is pretty advanced. Is it urine or bowel incontinence? Have you had this person recently in your home?

This is very kind and generous of you! Can you ask the regular caregiver about their routine and what tips and tricks they can offer?

Adult diapers are like those toddler diapers in that the can be ripped off on the sides. You do not need to pull them all the way down their legs to remove.

You will need to keep an eye on them all the time. Because they very well may put their hand down their pants when they're dirty and then they'll have dirty handprints as they move around the house.

you will need a shower chair and a shower sprayer.

Lots of plastic trash bags. Gloves. Bath sized body wipes.

You can't admit to doing this to anybody else, but you will need to lock them in their bedroom at night.

I wish you the best but this is a terrible idea for the individual.

It’s best to do adult diaper with same cramped and then a chickpeas or plastic or lots of towels.

I recommend against it as my parent pooped on my furniture, and it still has stains.

Plus, it can get really messy and require a shower for an angry dementia patient.

Why not pay for respite care at a local assisted living/memory care place? It’s probably around $350/day but I’d pay for 7 days of that to keep myself and family sane and my house clean.

It is going to be hard to find someone to hire for the holidays. You may want to let people on Nextdoor know you are looking and perhaps try care.com too. Is she at all aggressive? If so you need to make that clear and pay much more. Don't be surprised if she suffenly becomes aggressive from all the changes-coming to your home/new setting, a hired stranger coming in to help, etc. All of that makes anxiety skyrocket.

Great suggestions on here for accidents. I would also start looking into cleaning services for the inevitable accident that seeps through the protective stuff. If anyone was asthma or smell endued migraines, spraying Lysol a bunch could set off issues. Having the window open now and then is a good idea or just having it cracked open.

That's good she is on a waiting list. She needs to be in Memory care. It will make the holidays so much happier for everyone. Even just you all coming to visit her at Memory care can create stress if more people come than usual, but at least she will be a familiar setting with familiar aides.

The caregiving agencies generally have a minimum of 4 ours. If you are able to hire someone for 9-2 or 9-3 to have them assist LO and they can also help with LO laundry it would free you up to leave the house etc.

Cost is running around $30 per houir.

Get the washable chux underpads and tuck it on your furniture. Have some extras available.

These protect better on the furniture than the disposable ones.

If loved one says anything just say it protects the furniture from the dog scratching.

Have a lot of cans of lysol sitting around. One in family room, one in bedroom etc.

Put some washable chuxs pads on the LO bed.

Be prepared to crack open windows 1-2 inches.

Anytime LO is ambulatory ask (when they are up and moving) ask them if they want to use the bathroom.

YOU ARE AN ANGEL FOR GIVING THE REGULAR CAREGIVER A BREAK

Wash the LO sheets in hot water, detergent and bleach. Make sure to use bleach to get urine odor out.

Nurse here.

I know it's probably too late, but I 100% agree with the recommendation to not transfer the LO out of their environment. And instead either hire agency aides (ie, from Home Instead or similar) OR send DH to LO's apartment to room in. (or DH looks in on your mother 1 hr away and -you- change locations to LO's apartment).

Your intentions are noble, truly, however you need to know that it's cruel for the LO with memory loss to abruptly move locations. Urine on chairs is the least of it. I would expect night walking, attempts to leave your home during the night, rummaging through cabinets [have you locked up the meds and vitamins?] and more.

There are very significant safety risks in this plan as described, unless you plan to sit at LO's bedside all night and alternate sleeping with DH. Ever heard of a Silver Alert? this is how it starts.

If you're determined to do this, despite the agitation it will invariably cause LO, then you really must buy a version of this bed alarm, to put under the bed sheet:

https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Caregiver-Bed-Alarm-Sensor/dp/B00489SJ4S?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A2TORNECBMNNW4&gQT=1

For your upholstered furniture, go the pet section of Amazon, or Chewy.com or in person at a chain pet store. Buy waterproof carseat covers like this. You can hose them off when you're done and give them to the regular caregiver of the LO for their own apartment OR donate to a dog fostering nonprofit or vet:

https://www.chewy.com/4knines-rear-fitted-seat-cover/dp/158385?utm_source=google-product&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=20196576200&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAjp-7BhBZEiwAmh9rBXug_BfYQ1H5cXCgyumRnjLTIoMRp5Z7IRVPbHrexDiYYJXucN8mihoCCXIQAvD_BwE

Again, I commend your instincts but -- as a person who takes care of people with memory loss -- I think this is a bad plan

OP, it’s really late in the game but is there any chance you can hire aides? It’s going to be $$$$ but moving a person with dementia into an unfamiliar setting can be extremely upsetting for them, and lead to a lot of distress. The incontinence issues are at the forefront of your mind, but there may be significant safety issues too. I love that you are giving your loved one’s caregiver a break, but I’m worried for all of you.