Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:34
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.
He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.
I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.
But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.
There is a reason you feel that way, OP. You know full well that your son could spend the next 20 years in misery with his dad dangling this multi-million dollars in front of him and still not leave him a penny. Some things are more important than money. I know you need some time to yourself but he is literally at college. I feel bad for your son. It sounds like neither parent has his best interests at heart.
My son is studying in a field unrelated to his father's job, by at large. As soon as he's gainfully employed out of college, they don't need to interact much besides a formalistic holiday once a year, and not being rude. That's not that hard IMHO to do (if you know dozens of millions are at stake), unless my son wants to make a point. I'm just being practical here.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:32
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.
He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.
I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.
But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.
There is a reason you feel that way, OP. You know full well that your son could spend the next 20 years in misery with his dad dangling this multi-million dollars in front of him and still not leave him a penny. Some things are more important than money. I know you need some time to yourself but he is literally at college. I feel bad for your son. It sounds like neither parent has his best interests at heart.
I do have my son's best interests in heart. I even moved closer to his college town to take him to therapies. It's completely insensitive to impose that lady on son, under threats to discontinue support or kick him out from the house where my son grew up.
This is returning to the topic whether women should allow exHs to keep the marital houses! I deeply regret I allowed this, and didn't force sale. Having dinner at the same room where mom was cooking/entertaining guests is traumatizing.
I will see how their conversation goes this evening, but I'm leaning now to offer son to spend Christmas with me because his mom and his grandmother are the only people who love him. I do have a BF but I wont' even think of imposing him on my son!
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:27
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.
He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.
I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.
But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.
There is a reason you feel that way, OP. You know full well that your son could spend the next 20 years in misery with his dad dangling this multi-million dollars in front of him and still not leave him a penny. Some things are more important than money. I know you need some time to yourself but he is literally at college. I feel bad for your son. It sounds like neither parent has his best interests at heart.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:24
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“better than someone never married”
This speaks volumes about you, op.
Keep you and your judgement away from your son. He will be the better for it.
🙄
Of course thats better! I don't have any judgement about anyone never married, but if the lady was never married late 30s, she would press for a baby right away.
If she’s in it for the money, unless your ex has had a vasectomy, she can trap him anyway. It has nothing to do with prior marriage.
Nice try on the backpedal though.
He didn't have a vasectomy but he's not particular fertile (needed and IVF) and not the the type to marry under pregnancy pressure and give a woman legal rights without a prenup. We had a prenup and a postnup. She just doesn't' know him well yet and what she's up to. She can of course have a baby but she won't be the wife for that alone. She'll end up with child support of $1K/month.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:21
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“better than someone never married”
This speaks volumes about you, op.
Keep you and your judgement away from your son. He will be the better for it.
🙄
Of course thats better! I don't have any judgement about anyone never married, but if the lady was never married late 30s, she would press for a baby right away.
A divorced women could still press for a baby right away if that was her intent.
My exH wouldn't marry anyone without a prenup and he hates babies. He never wanted more children and I believe he picked the woman with kids because he doesnt want to have more
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:19
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
If paying half of college is in the divorce decree, does it really matter if the son sees him or not?
But either way, the son needs to decide if he wants to risk taking college loans or not.
But either way, the son needs to decide if he wants to risk taking college loans or not.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:19
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That's not unreasonable that he spend the time with his dad if his dad is supporting him after 18. You can always pay for college yourself or he can pay if he doesn't want a relationship. Simple.
He's obligated to pay by our divorce degree. We both pay child support to son in proportion to our income, child support is legally till age 21 in my state. The issue is that dad threatens not to follow the legal agreements if son is not doing what he wants him to do. If exH doesn't prepay tuition for next semester, I would end up in court collecting it.
I am actually the one financially interested here in their good relationship and who insisted on 50/50 time split on college breaks. I'm dating, too and need some time for myself. Grown up kids are expensive and child support is minimal.
But I feel like a shitty mother for "selling" my son to the person he doesn't want to have anything in common. I am thinking long term: exH is much older, he will be gone in 20 years or so. Our son is a sole heir and in trusts of a multi-mullion estate.
If the agreement is 50-50 then you are the one not honoring it and if he's paying you child support he should not be paying for college. You are greedy. I hope dad does not leave the money to your son as it clear what you are up to.
You must be someone's AP, if you believe men should leave money to strangers who came to their life right at the top of their life-earned wealth. How convenient to be that late 30s lady, right?
Did you read above about 50-50? It's actually ME who is asking my son to continue honoring 50/50 for the sake of good relationship with dad and overall stability.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:18
Subject: Re:Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Honestly, let him decide if he wants to break free from Dad and maybe take loans if he needs or suck it up and put up with it a few more years. Afterwards he can disappear if he wants to.
As for as Dad's connections for internships and such, it doesn't sound like it's worth the heartburn
Mom expects life long child support to subsidize her and wants all the inheritance.
I mean, does the late 30s woman who didn't invest a single dollar or any significant time in his wealth or her kids from prior marriage deserve the inheritance? You must be an AP or a gold digger.
Not pp, but this is literally a tale as old as time.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:18
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“better than someone never married”
This speaks volumes about you, op.
Keep you and your judgement away from your son. He will be the better for it.
🙄
Of course thats better! I don't have any judgement about anyone never married, but if the lady was never married late 30s, she would press for a baby right away.
A divorced women could still press for a baby right away if that was her intent.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:17
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
I don’t think there’s much you can do. At this point his dad relationship with his dad may be more toxic to him than its financial worth, but frankly that’s his decision not yours. I would just tell him he’s always welcome in your home, and let him decide how to deal with his dad.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:17
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“better than someone never married”
This speaks volumes about you, op.
Keep you and your judgement away from your son. He will be the better for it.
🙄
Of course thats better! I don't have any judgement about anyone never married, but if the lady was never married late 30s, she would press for a baby right away.
If she’s in it for the money, unless your ex has had a vasectomy, she can trap him anyway. It has nothing to do with prior marriage.
Nice try on the backpedal though.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:16
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:“better than someone never married”
This speaks volumes about you, op.
Keep you and your judgement away from your son. He will be the better for it.
🙄
A and her comment about the AP being older.
Frankly, too many unnecessary details.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:15
Subject: Re:Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Honestly, let him decide if he wants to break free from Dad and maybe take loans if he needs or suck it up and put up with it a few more years. Afterwards he can disappear if he wants to.
As for as Dad's connections for internships and such, it doesn't sound like it's worth the heartburn
Mom expects life long child support to subsidize her and wants all the inheritance.
I mean, does the late 30s woman who didn't invest a single dollar or any significant time in his wealth or her kids from prior marriage deserve the inheritance? You must be an AP or a gold digger.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:13
Subject: Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:“better than someone never married”
This speaks volumes about you, op.
Keep you and your judgement away from your son. He will be the better for it.
🙄
Of course thats better! I don't have any judgement about anyone never married, but if the lady was never married late 30s, she would press for a baby right away.
Anonymous
12/20/2024 17:12
Subject: Re:Ex forcing son to attend events with new partner
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Honestly, let him decide if he wants to break free from Dad and maybe take loans if he needs or suck it up and put up with it a few more years. Afterwards he can disappear if he wants to.
As for as Dad's connections for internships and such, it doesn't sound like it's worth the heartburn
Mom expects life long child support to subsidize her and wants all the inheritance.
Nobody is paying me a child support. We both pay directly to our son pro-rate our incomes: $1300 my exH and $600 me. It's only till age 21, and not kind of money that would help me in any way, personally. I have a good career and a side business.