Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused - was she invited and doesn't want to go alone, or was she not invited because she is not part of a couple? If she was not invited because she's not part of a couple, then I would question these friendships. It's not cool to leave out one of your best friends just because she's not single.

This. If that’s what occurred, that’s awful. In my senior daughter’s friend group she is one of the few who are couples - and she’s been for three years now. Dating status has no bearing on invites.

OP was a troll, that's why she didn't answer this question. She's also clearly out of touch with today's teenagers. This scenario is highly unlikely in 2024.

Your D is lucky.

In a few months, things will get rocky as couples decide whether or not to try to keep things going when they are in college. There may also be a few idiots--IMO--who frame their future college plans around their boyfriends, i.e., who want to go to the same college as a boyfriend or who pick a college because it is close enough to their BF's to get together on weekends. Some will decide to break up by graduation. Some will go through the summer. Some will stay together until Thanksgiving their freshman year of college when the "Great Turkey Drop" often happens.

In some cases, girlfriend and BF won't be on the same wave length and that can be really painful. Guy thinks GF should pass up dream college to go to school with or near him. GF wants a clean break before leaving for college; guy is shocked and thought they'd stay together. Lots of variations, but most involve a lot of drama and hurt feelings.

Your D won't have all that drama to deal with. She'll pick a college based on what's best for her and, in some cases, the family, especially the family budget, without taking some guy into account. She'll start college with a clean slate and be open to friendship and romance.

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused - was she invited and doesn't want to go alone, or was she not invited because she is not part of a couple? If she was not invited because she's not part of a couple, then I would question these friendships. It's not cool to leave out one of your best friends just because she's not single.

This. If that’s what occurred, that’s awful. In my senior daughter’s friend group she is one of the few who are couples - and she’s been for three years now. Dating status has no bearing on invites.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most teens in high school do not date, there days, OP. Your child's group is very unusual, actually. I have a 19 yo son and a 14 yo daughter, my friends all have teens in different high schools in the DC area (public and private), and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of teens I personally know who are dating.

Are you sure some couples aren't just "friend" couples? I see that a lot right now.

Idk about that, especially by junior year. Kind of depends on the group I guess - the mixed gender groups really get around, maybe bc they are more comfortable connecting with the opposite sex. Most of my daughters girlfriends have been coupled up at some point - fewer of the guys though (not sure how that math works out haha) BUT it’s never happened that they all were coupled up at the same time - she paired up recently right as one of her gf broke up with hers. So it’s usually some sort of 50/50 even amongst a friend group of kids more precocious in this regard.

I can’t help but think there is more to this than what was written though as teens pairing off at 16/17 and not hanging with friends at all isn’t at all what I’m seeing - there is always one or two girls like this but 6 of them seems unlikely.

OP here. I think it's just bad luck/timing (for my daughter). Her friends are definitely all paired off right now. It's all they talk about, do, etc and it was very different soph and junior years when 1 or none was dating at any given time. Life will go on for my daughter and it's not life or death but it's pretty omnipresent. Girls don't date without talking about it all the time with their friends (no judgement--I was a high girl once too).

Ahh I see. Maybe just boredom with high school social scene, and being a couple and double dates is something new for them. I have noticed that start to happen a bit - sophomore year my daughter and her friends were really enjoying expanding friends and playing the field more for fun. And this year there is less of that and ppl are pairing up more.

Making connections with kids a grade below might help - but worst case she probably just needs to ride this out - break ups will start up late spring with college moves pending. And it’s sad but this whole thing will help her be less nostalgic for high school connections and let her move on more easily. Freshman year I see being a social expansion year so I don’t think this will happen next year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of girls around her age don't have boyfriends. Covid really screwed up socialization for a LOT of kids. Maybe one of her friends' boyfriends can set her up, but maybe she doesn't feel ready for a boyfriend so isn't giving off signals she's ready for that.

She'll get wherever she's going in her own time.

Exactly. It’s not great that these kids are coupling up. You should be proud of your daughter!

+1

Anonymous wrote:No, in my daughter's friend group, there are far more unpartnered kids than couples.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Lots of girls around her age don't have boyfriends. Covid really screwed up socialization for a LOT of kids. Maybe one of her friends' boyfriends can set her up, but maybe she doesn't feel ready for a boyfriend so isn't giving off signals she's ready for that.

She'll get wherever she's going in her own time.

Exactly. It’s not great that these kids are coupling up. You should be proud of your daughter!

Anonymous wrote:My senior daughter is in a friend group of about a half dozen girls who have all been friends since elementary or middle school. All the girls but mine now have boyfriends and there is a party tonight that all the couples are going to. It's at a country club that one of the kids belongs to so isn't an open invite. My kid will be at home alone as we have plans as well (and I can't cancel). Her brother will be out with his girlfriend.

I'm not sure what the point of this is except that it is hard to watch. The 1:1 coupling is now happening most weekends. She keeps expanding her friend group but then those girls end up dating someone too. I'm eager for college to start but I wonder if this will all happen again. Sigh. Thanks for listening.

I'm sorry. That's hard. I've been her. And afterward, I have tried not to let my friends be her. My group of friends, back in the day, implemented a "weekend rule." We'd see boyfriends one night and our female friends another night. Or at least have one thing planned each weekend with our female friends. It's easy to get intoxicated on those first loves and just cut everyone else out, and that's not cool for many reasons, but one that might resonate is, who's gonna help you pick up the pieces if the relationship doesn't work out?

I have tried to instill this in my teen son as well. It's fine to have a girlfriend. Just don't forget your guy friends too. I'm not sure if your daughter could suggest something like this to her friends? Or proactively plan stuff where it's just a girls night out type of thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most teens in high school do not date, there days, OP. Your child's group is very unusual, actually. I have a 19 yo son and a 14 yo daughter, my friends all have teens in different high schools in the DC area (public and private), and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of teens I personally know who are dating.

Are you sure some couples aren't just "friend" couples? I see that a lot right now.

Idk about that, especially by junior year. Kind of depends on the group I guess - the mixed gender groups really get around, maybe bc they are more comfortable connecting with the opposite sex. Most of my daughters girlfriends have been coupled up at some point - fewer of the guys though (not sure how that math works out haha) BUT it’s never happened that they all were coupled up at the same time - she paired up recently right as one of her gf broke up with hers. So it’s usually some sort of 50/50 even amongst a friend group of kids more precocious in this regard.

I can’t help but think there is more to this than what was written though as teens pairing off at 16/17 and not hanging with friends at all isn’t at all what I’m seeing - there is always one or two girls like this but 6 of them seems unlikely.

OP here. I think it's just bad luck/timing (for my daughter). Her friends are definitely all paired off right now. It's all they talk about, do, etc and it was very different soph and junior years when 1 or none was dating at any given time. Life will go on for my daughter and it's not life or death but it's pretty omnipresent. Girls don't date without talking about it all the time with their friends (no judgement--I was a high girl once too).

Oops: I was a "high school" girl once too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most teens in high school do not date, there days, OP. Your child's group is very unusual, actually. I have a 19 yo son and a 14 yo daughter, my friends all have teens in different high schools in the DC area (public and private), and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of teens I personally know who are dating.

Are you sure some couples aren't just "friend" couples? I see that a lot right now.

Idk about that, especially by junior year. Kind of depends on the group I guess - the mixed gender groups really get around, maybe bc they are more comfortable connecting with the opposite sex. Most of my daughters girlfriends have been coupled up at some point - fewer of the guys though (not sure how that math works out haha) BUT it’s never happened that they all were coupled up at the same time - she paired up recently right as one of her gf broke up with hers. So it’s usually some sort of 50/50 even amongst a friend group of kids more precocious in this regard.

I can’t help but think there is more to this than what was written though as teens pairing off at 16/17 and not hanging with friends at all isn’t at all what I’m seeing - there is always one or two girls like this but 6 of them seems unlikely.

OP here. I think it's just bad luck/timing (for my daughter). Her friends are definitely all paired off right now. It's all they talk about, do, etc and it was very different soph and junior years when 1 or none was dating at any given time. Life will go on for my daughter and it's not life or death but it's pretty omnipresent. Girls don't date without talking about it all the time with their friends (no judgement--I was a high girl once too).

Anonymous wrote:Most teens in high school do not date, there days, OP. Your child's group is very unusual, actually. I have a 19 yo son and a 14 yo daughter, my friends all have teens in different high schools in the DC area (public and private), and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of teens I personally know who are dating.

Are you sure some couples aren't just "friend" couples? I see that a lot right now.

Idk about that, especially by junior year. Kind of depends on the group I guess - the mixed gender groups really get around, maybe bc they are more comfortable connecting with the opposite sex. Most of my daughters girlfriends have been coupled up at some point - fewer of the guys though (not sure how that math works out haha) BUT it’s never happened that they all were coupled up at the same time - she paired up recently right as one of her gf broke up with hers. So it’s usually some sort of 50/50 even amongst a friend group of kids more precocious in this regard.

I can’t help but think there is more to this than what was written though as teens pairing off at 16/17 and not hanging with friends at all isn’t at all what I’m seeing - there is always one or two girls like this but 6 of them seems unlikely.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she doesn't even like boys?

She'll be fine home alone for one night. Not a big deal.

My best friend in high school was a gay guy. He wasn’t really out. I didn’t date after 9th grade when I found it too claustrophobic. We had some great times. There’s no way she’s the only one not dating. And best friends would have invited her and a single guy to go as friends if she felt too awkward going alone. Parents need to teach kids that people come first and they need to make it so you don’t leave one friend out.

I don't think it's that unusual.

What is the big deal about her being home alone for the night? My kids are home alone (not together, but separately) probably 4-5 times a month in the evening, and they love the time alone. Similar for most of my friends' kids.

Anonymous wrote:My senior daughter is in a friend group of about a half dozen girls who have all been friends since elementary or middle school. All the girls but mine now have boyfriends and there is a party tonight that all the couples are going to. It's at a country club that one of the kids belongs to so isn't an open invite. My kid will be at home alone as we have plans as well (and I can't cancel). Her brother will be out with his girlfriend.

I'm not sure what the point of this is except that it is hard to watch. The 1:1 coupling is now happening most weekends. She keeps expanding her friend group but then those girls end up dating someone too. I'm eager for college to start but I wonder if this will all happen again. Sigh. Thanks for listening.

Nowhere in this did you say if she wants a boyfriend. Maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she is a lesbian.

Most teens in high school do not date, there days, OP. Your child's group is very unusual, actually. I have a 19 yo son and a 14 yo daughter, my friends all have teens in different high schools in the DC area (public and private), and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of teens I personally know who are dating.

Are you sure some couples aren't just "friend" couples? I see that a lot right now.