Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs OP. No advice, just commiseration. It took me such a long time to rise above my upbringing and some days it just feels pointless. I hold on to the certainty that my daughters will never have the deep fear of me that I have of my own mother. They are starting from a much different place in life and it’s actually such a gift, please try to remember that

I’m not the OP, but thank you for this. I have risen above, broken the cycle, and done everything to close the chapter of my unusual upbringing. But it’ll always sting, more so around the holidays. Nothing really makes that little hole in my heart fade away. I married into a family fraught with mental illness and depression, so it makes much of the work I have done to feel pointless. A fun, relaxed day with extended family members feels like a lottery I’ll never win.

Anonymous wrote:Your post could have been written by me except I never had the guts for marriage and kids so it’s just me and my dog. I’m having a bit harder than usual time this holidays so I feel your angst. I would kindly remind you that early childhood adversity builds resilience but also creates lifelong challenges and your way of perceiving your life is one of those challenges. It helps me a lot to be mindful about keeping a daily gratitude practice as part of my routine- sometimes I do it mentally but other times when I need reinforcing I do gratitude journaling.

You’ve been the best person you could be at each stage of your life and you have many blessings in your life as well. Count them as often as possible and you will begin to feel better. Wishing you peace at the holidays and into the new year.

Anonymous wrote:Hugs OP. No advice, just commiseration. It took me such a long time to rise above my upbringing and some days it just feels pointless. I hold on to the certainty that my daughters will never have the deep fear of me that I have of my own mother. They are starting from a much different place in life and it’s actually such a gift, please try to remember that

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you are hurting OP. I just want to comment on one specific aspect of this, your kids. I have been a HS teacher for 17 years and teach many students from troubled backgrounds. This experience has shown me that those who make the efforts you have truly do impact future generations positively. Your efforts are very much not in vain. Your kids have a better life than you did already, because you have offered them emotional security. If they are middle school or teens you likely have some rough years ahead due to the ups and downs of that life stage. But even so, I consistently see that teens with even one parent like you land on their feet eventually. I go out in my town and I see my former students every day and let me tell you it is amazing how resilient they are. When one generation tries to be better it does matter. A lot. Incremental change over generations means that people can end up having very different, very much better lives over time. You should applaud yourself for everything you have done for your kids. Their lives won’t be perfect but they will be ok and that’s because of you. Hugs to you,OP. Please be kind to yourself if you can.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not normally like this. Just down. I came a very troubled background- abuse/addiction/poor etc and I’m very proud of the person I’ve become. Of course I have my challenges and faults but I’ve spent life working towards being an ethical and kind person and to work in my own s&$t. I just feel like it hasn’t mattered. My kids are kind of a mess, my husband had an affair, and I feel like I have given my life to others and it was a mistake. I’m just down, I know. I’m very fortunate to have several wonderful friends. I don’t have any family other than my husband and kids but that’s ok. Not really a question here just probably holiday induced sadness.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you are hurting OP. I just want to comment on one specific aspect of this, your kids. I have been a HS teacher for 17 years and teach many students from troubled backgrounds. This experience has shown me that those who make the efforts you have truly do impact future generations positively. Your efforts are very much not in vain. Your kids have a better life than you did already, because you have offered them emotional security. If they are middle school or teens you likely have some rough years ahead due to the ups and downs of that life stage. But even so, I consistently see that teens with even one parent like you land on their feet eventually. I go out in my town and I see my former students every day and let me tell you it is amazing how resilient they are. When one generation tries to be better it does matter. A lot. Incremental change over generations means that people can end up having very different, very much better lives over time. You should applaud yourself for everything you have done for your kids. Their lives won’t be perfect but they will be ok and that’s because of you. Hugs to you,OP. Please be kind to yourself if you can.